Welcome MandyMindy,
You've made a brave decision by posting on this site. you've found a place where people have gone through the same thing you are now. we have all been in your shoes and understand the feelings.
There is a lot of information on this site so take your time and browse around. Take a look at the Lessons and Tools sections. I'd suggest a good place to start is here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0In the Lessons and Tools you'll find things you can do. Things you can change to break the cycle of conflict you are both stuck in. It's not easy. It takes real work.
He questions if he has bpd and now thinks i have a lot of narcissistic traits. I have some and yet I’m much more codependent than narcissistic.
I'd suggest you focus less on labels and more on behavior. Everyone has traits of something. What matters is how they get expressed in the relationship.
We currently react to each other most of the time and are not able to repair so there’s a huge buildup.
Most people arrive here in a lot of conflict. Usually there has been a long period of difficulties and both partners are highly reactive to each other. The stress and strain has built up inside the relationship until a breakpoint has occurred. In those type situations taking a break is not a bad idea. Allowing for a cooling off period. During the cooling off period you can take time to identify what you want and the best way to achieve that.
what do you think?
'ducks