Behaviour that is way beyond the ordinary often looks like it's funny. But that's just on the surface.
Knowing that my x behaviour did hurt me a lot and probably did/does hurt her, I really can't see the fun of it.
Agreed! None of my ex's behavior with BPD is really funny at all. It's too sad, pathetic, and destructive a Disorder to laugh at them.
I don't laugh at a person in a wheelchair as he tries to get around an obstacle. I don't find amusement when a person's colostomy bag breaks and fills the room with the overwhelming stink of Sht. I don't think it's funny when a person with Cerebral Palsy drools all over herself.
And I don't think it's funny when a terrified three-year old is screaming in pure terror over what is a valid threat to her life... . that is how to survive.
What I can laugh at now, is how I was a truly sick a puppy when I entered the interaction and thought I could have a loving relationship with my ex wBPD.
And I can laugh at the behavior and actions that I took to try and hold on and control the unattainable.
And I can smile at myself, as I try and recover, whlie malignant hope and attachment to my ex wBPD still provide obstacles.
And when I can smile at myself, I can forgive myself for holding on to behaviors that I learned in order to survive my hellish nightmare of a childhood, but which are no longer appropriate as an adult. Behaviors that were mine long before I met my ex and are still mine long after she has forgotten me and lays with another.
