I thought the same. It would make matters worse if you didn't use this site. You have to be at a stage when you're tired of talking about her, tired of researching and questioning yourself!
I still google 'abusive relationships' and try and find videos on YouTube. I still message here & I'm in contact with a passed member who used to use this site.
If you notice my posts, they stopped for a while, because I was at a stage of when I had nothing left to say or think about it. I was moving on! Then, she appeared as she always does & look who's back on here... . me! Not her! She's gone back to my replacement , whilst I'm left questioning everything again! Pining for her & wondering if I'll ever meet anyone like her again.
I will meet someone new, and so will you. Someone who will love us for who we are. Our lives won't be a constant battle, but it will take time!
You just need to chill and let the process take it's course. We have time.
I can really relate to you. I was not here before... It would have been good if I had had a tool like this back then it would have been so helpful. I found this site when my ex pwBPD tried to make contact with me in a planned ambush in a parking lot. I avoided the contact... . but it took me back and shook me up... . I still have that longing for what I felt for 5 years with her. Coming here people understand our feelings and experience. I also think that many of us have our own things to work on because we got involved with a BPD person in the first place.
I find coming here to be soothing. ... . and I feel for you having to go thru another cycle. I identify with all of your feelings. Liked the movie clip... . there are some good awarenesses there.