I have to first acknowledge that the choice I made to involve myself with my significant other was a bad one from the start. I (F 39) was in an unhappy marriage and he (M 38) was in a strange relationship with a live in girlfriend and their young child. We met serendipitously, and have been inseparable (mostly) since.
What a set up. Meaning: my being married (now separated) feels like the worst mistake my BP could have made. Why would he choose someone like me? I had so many obstacles to overcome before I could fully commit to my BP. I HAD NO clue that I was going to fail at every turn. That was 3 years ago. I just learned this roller coaster of blame and shame had a name a week ago.
Right now...I don’t know what to do. I have kids and I want things to stay status quo for them. My BP sees things black and white.
I’m reeling from this information I now have.
I was a goddess. The best thing that ever happened to him. We fell in love. HARD! And now I don’t know what’s real. What have I compromised to fill that bottomless emptiness he feels? My whole life is upside down. What’s real?
This weekend (our weekend) my son has his first HS basketball game. I want to go. But my BP is going to rage at me and accuse me of changing the rules. Of not loving him. Tell me “this is your bull
PLEASE READ you pull”. I’m terrified to bring it up and I hate myself for not standing up for my son. I’m torn and ashamed that Id even consider skipping my sons game to appease my BP.
What happened to me?
