She still is not talking to me, which is fine aside from me needing to grab a few things from the house. I definitely wouldn’t go alone but prefer she not be there. Who knows what I could walk in on/into. New partners? More false allegations? But do I contact her or is it best just to wait it out? I think the plan is she is still moving. Room posted, notice in… so do I just wait and see if she or maybe her mom contact me to set it up? I don’t know. My instincts say ‘patience’ but also I’m couch surfing with a friend and don’t want to overstay my welcome. I have no RO or anything like that to deal with, just don’t trust her so my mind races painting all these scenarios that I could possibly find myself in trying to move through this transition with clear communication and empathy that I’m not going to find.
Hey there my friend.
Sounds an awful lot like my story in terms of moving out. There was never a DV statement - but there was definitely the threat of one. So I empathize with the need to be careful. pwBPD can be very volatile when they feel threatened.
The advice I got from my lawyer was to
A) Not bite when she tried to goad me into getting into a fight.
B) Follow a time line that made sense for me.
C) Communicate in writing - fewest words necessary - facts only. to Offer to do follow up on administrative things together and if/and when she doesn't follow through, confirm to her in writing how you intend to proceed.
D) NEVER, as you say, enter your home again alone. Always bring a friend. Cover yourself at all times.
E) Know that if you follow through like this, time is your ally. Because, there's a chance, perhaps better than average even, that your ex will overstep her bounds and behave in such a way that will negate anything she may have said to smear you.
As for the mother in law comment, I had the same thing happen. My guess is that she's seen this pattern before, doesn't really know what to do about it, so is just doing her best (even if that's not much). At least that's what happened in my case.
Hope this helps.
Hang in there.
Rev