Further split/control from Ex or trying in weird way for attention?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My ex-pwuBPD blindside me 2x's in about 2 years. Both times after being very close-1st time devestated, upset, and let me know there is problem w hi causing this (but won't tell me what the problem is). Didn't really break up in actions and words, but took off 3 weeks to physically see each other. Second breakup was total bad blindide, cold, distant, and did somehting IMO manipulative. Seemed in crisis mode, and angry. Never saw him like this. Cut off contact but never removed me from maps, media, and likes and watches media. No blocking

At 8 months after breakup, never heard from him till he texted to ask me something one day. It was a strange question, seemed very engaged but in a different way. I thought to myself ok he is ready to be cordial. Well, saw him the next day and he just looked right at me and ignored/avoided me. He has done that ever since- cannot look at me and will not even say hello unless he HAS to (read-if others are around and we need to interact). It is very basic. I had asked him via text if he wanted to meet so we dmm't have to pretend we don't know each other and it is not awkward,. He texted back and said he didn't really want to do that. Basically it has been 2 months of avoiding and ignoring. We are in some same social groups/clubs and now live near each other.

Now, almost 11 months post breakup.--I was dining w a friend, that he knows from one of our groups, but she is a good friend of mine. She knows some of our story in that he is not speaking to me since the blindside, and won't say hello.  He pulled up a chair, and sat with us without asking.  For almost an hour.

When he walked away for a second, she told me that when she saw him the other day, he asked her who he was sitting with outside , was it (me)?  <It was,  we had been doing some work outside but since he is ignoring me I am not waving or anything>

.   So anyway, he came back to the table, that he never asked if he can sit, and when just --only looking at her. He did mention he was surprised ot see us eating together (Too bad he doesn't know my life since he walked out).  My friend at one point had ot get up for something, and he sat there is silence not looking at me or talking to me, got out his phone and scrolled.

My friend was kind of angry inside at his behavior, and wanted to say something, but was waiting for me to say something. I never did bc I was just annoyed. She felt he was talking to her so that I would hear things he wanted to tell me. Also felt he may have been just not quite right or dissociated or something. Almost like he never realized this was not fully apprpriate considering his behavior toward me recently the last 2 months.

After my friend and I even talked if he likes her or something but we don't think so. We also believe he lied about his course of study and we don't know why.

Was this episode of just invading my table  him trying inch closer to talk to me ?I say that bc we went from texting, to this (when he normally  sees me dining alone I am invisible).  Almost like he is doing this gradually?  OR is this him trying to hurt or control me more or just be deliberate to get under my skin?  I am not looking for him to grovel back...I am not happy with pretending that I /or even we never existed though.

I am not angry fully..I am sad bc just felt something is not right with him. Also...feel  ofc feel confused. I mean he thinks he took great steps not to hurt me ar breakup, by choosing a good time, but never saw that blindsiding is traumatic. I don't even know if he realizes the ignoring/avoiding is hurtful either. It sounds strange but nothing is like him right now.

Thanks and would love any insight inc anyone w bpd. FWIW I actually feel that he could care less anything about me at this point. I feelI don't know who he is/was and God only knows what of himself he even deliberate ly hid..(really small stupid things-the choice of studies is just one example)

[VeronicaL]

My ex-pwuBPD blindside me 2x's in about 2 years. Both times after being very close-1st time devestated, upset, and let me know there is problem w hi causing this (but won't tell me what the problem is). Didn't really break up in actions and words, but took off 3 weeks to physically see each other. Second breakup was total bad blindide, cold, distant, and did somehting IMO manipulative. Seemed in crisis mode, and angry. Never saw him like this. Cut off contact but never removed me from maps, media, and likes and watches media. No blocking

At 8 months after breakup, never heard from him till he texted to ask me something one day. It was a strange question, seemed very engaged but in a different way. I thought to myself ok he is ready to be cordial. Well, saw him the next day and he just looked right at me and ignored/avoided me. He has done that ever since- cannot look at me and will not even say hello unless he HAS to (read-if others are around and we need to interact). It is very basic. I had asked him via text if he wanted to meet so we dmm't have to pretend we don't know each other and it is not awkward,. He texted back and said he didn't really want to do that. Basically it has been 2 months of avoiding and ignoring. We are in some same social groups/clubs and now live near each other.

Now, almost 11 months post breakup.--I was dining w a friend, that he knows from one of our groups, but she is a good friend of mine. She knows some of our story in that he is not speaking to me since the blindside, and won't say hello.  He pulled up a chair, and sat with us without asking.  For almost an hour.

When he walked away for a second, she told me that when she saw him the other day, he asked her who he was sitting with outside , was it (me)?  <It was,  we had been doing some work outside but since he is ignoring me I am not waving or anything>

.   So anyway, he came back to the table, that he never asked if he can sit, and when just --only looking at her. He did mention he was surprised ot see us eating together (Too bad he doesn't know my life since he walked out).  My friend at one point had ot get up for something, and he sat there is silence not looking at me or talking to me, got out his phone and scrolled.

My friend was kind of angry inside at his behavior, and wanted to say something, but was waiting for me to say something. I never did bc I was just annoyed. She felt he was talking to her so that I would hear things he wanted to tell me. Also felt he may have been just not quite right or dissociated or something. Almost like he never realized this was not fully apprpriate considering his behavior toward me recently the last 2 months.

After my friend and I even talked if he likes her or something but we don't think so. We also believe he lied about his course of study and we don't know why.

Was this episode of just invading my table  him trying inch closer to talk to me ?I say that bc we went from texting, to this (when he normally  sees me dining alone I am invisible).  Almost like he is doing this gradually?  OR is this him trying to hurt or control me more or just be deliberate to get under my skin?  I am not looking for him to grovel back...I am not happy with pretending that I /or even we never existed though.

I am not angry fully..I am sad bc just felt something is not right with him. Also...feel  ofc feel confused. I mean he thinks he took great steps not to hurt me ar breakup, by choosing a good time, but never saw that blindsiding is traumatic. I don't even know if he realizes the ignoring/avoiding is hurtful either. It sounds strange but nothing is like him right now.

Thanks and would love any insight inc anyone w bpd. FWIW I actually feel that he could care less anything about me at this point. I feelI don't know who he is/was and God only knows what of himself he even deliberate ly hid..(really small stupid things-the choice of studies is just one example)