Vortex, I understand what you mean, I was devalued and idealised at the same time or so it seemed. Take for example the last months we were together after we had split once and recycled. He was so adoring, affectionate, telling me how much he loved me, trying to do things I'd like such as bring me coffee in the morning, housework, etc. But at the very same time he was invading my privacy behind my back, reading my journal and private fb messages with my daughter, smothering me with way too much attention, checking up on me, covertly trying to manipulate me in many ways (see the gaslighting thread), etc. So which is real? What is the act? I now realise that the 'good' behaviour was in many ways just a manipulative tactic to 'keep me happy' and trusting while underneath he was consumed with paranoia. It was very, very confusing to live with.
Thanks Pingo!
It is odd how there are so many nice things that he has done over the years that never felt quite right to me. I always chalked it up to me just not knowing how to receive or being ungrateful. I was grateful for what he did but there was something just not quite right. The nicer he was to me, the more I praised him and talked him up to other people. The nice he was, the more I would take care of him. Maybe I sound crazy. I know I feel crazy but he would be nice by doing things that I didn't really want. I hope that makes sense. It is odd because when I stopped posting on social media and bragging about him, he quit doing those things, which confirmed a lot of my suspicions. Underneath all of the nice, there was this angry, insecure, anxious, little kid. What really made me wake up was when our daughter did something and had the police at our house at the age of 11. Since then, I have been hammering pretty hard on trying to find ways to change things and make them better for our kids. I am amazed at how far up my butt my head was. I was so focused on trying to see the positive and be upbeat, blah, blah, blah, that I missed so much crap.