Not a great Social circle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I am building a lot of evidence, documentary from text and commentary on my thoughts as I perceived them and the impact on the kids behaviour. I am concerned that even if I can demonstrate her overbearing impact on the children's development that for obvious reasons, as I have been/felt isolated, I don't have many friends and I moved here so am without any other family - How doe this get looked at in these instances?

my uBPDW has symptomatically got lots of acquaintances to offer the kids almost limitless visits to others' homes... .  

Cheers,

Whichwayisup

[Whichwayisup]

Hi,

I am building a lot of evidence, documentary from text and commentary on my thoughts as I perceived them and the impact on the kids behaviour. I am concerned that even if I can demonstrate her overbearing impact on the children's development that for obvious reasons, as I have been/felt isolated, I don't have many friends and I moved here so am without any other family - How doe this get looked at in these instances?

my uBPDW has symptomatically got lots of acquaintances to offer the kids almost limitless visits to others' homes... .  

Cheers,

Whichwayisup

[krista8521]

  Hello,

You know I dont think it's the quanity of outside sources that are ever looked at, but the ones that are negative that are mentioned in these situations.

I worked with Youths in a Residential facility for a time, I am not a therapist but part of my job duties was to read all the background information for each child that was admited to our facility. This included psych evals of the child, parents, relatives etc... . never did I read anything about parents friends, unless they were a threat to the child.

I wouldnt worry about this, but possibly go on your cities web site and find the local activities that are up coming, pick up some fun ones that the kids would enjoy and are free or cheap to participate. You will also meet others and get the kids out and about in the community.

Good luck

[Whichwayisup]

That's good to hear Krista8521

I have in recent weeks been taking the kids out on walks, to play centres and fast food outlets in an attempt to get them out of black cloud lingering over the house

I am supportive of her taking them to others' but am conscious of having to focus on developing my own social activity as I have been her polar opposite for way too long... .  

Whichwayisup

[marbleloser]

If they're old enough,get them involved in team sports.Instant friends and acquaintances for you and the kiddos

Nothing replaces quality time with a parent though.

[Whichwayisup]

Yep, that was what she has done, football for the S15 and dance for the two younger girls, now she has an even wider circle of "friends" to flit between. 

I suspect that I will be treated as the outcast amongst them once I make solicitors aware of the things I have had to live with.  She's been with thenkids at her parents for only 24hours and I'm trying to remember incidents and things being broken around the house... .   I seem to have forgotten quite a lot in the name of protecting her and covering it up... .   Im going to tell the truth now... .   My mind has been racing... .  

Whichwayisup

[sad but wiser]

Whichway - that is how it is at first.  You worked so hard at protecting her image, even from yourself, that you actually cannot recall many important things.  It comes back after a little while.  Sadly, you start remembering a whole list of things you had forgotten.  Then you will probably get angry and upset, mostly at yourself.  Live and learn.  You cannot undo what has happened.  You cannot go back, so you must move forward.

[marbleloser]

You don't have to tell her friends anything.If she's got problems,I'm sure they already know about it.

I thought I'd be outcast as well,but to my surprise,everyone has been great.They've all put a lot of distance between themselves and her,because now they see how she truly is,without me there to pick up the pieces.