AT1
Unfortunately, if she will not get help you cannot force her to. My ex and I went to therapy together for years. The therapist urged her to look at her issues and she simply could not see them and made grand stories and excuses as to why she was not to fault.
These are not simple relationships and can be very challenging. Can you picture yourself practicing some techniques to help you manage the associated stress? For example, one T I saw told me to be firm with my then wife and gave this example. When she starts to get unreasonable and change the topic, stay focused. Focus on the issue that I had brought to the conversation and not the one that she continually tried to change it to. Gently but firmly keep coming back to your point. If she is unwilling to stay on point or gets indignant, explain to her that you are going to walk away from the conversation but want to come back to it and then literally walk away. If she follows you, keep explaining your point firmly and as best as possible without anger or heavy feelings.
Practicing a new way of doing things takes learning and it also takes your partner getting adjusted to the idea that you are doing things differently than before. It will be uncomfortable but it truly is your best option. If she will not look at her part of the relationship than you will need to focus more on what you need and how to get it.
There are lots of lessons about how to communicate on this site. Have you seen the
Lessons section?
JRB