Hi! I'm new here and dealing with a friend/roommate with possible bpd
I've known this girl for about 5 years and had a very good friendship with her mostly. She's always leaned on me a little more than I on her, but I have been fine with that. A few years ago I noticed that she was starting to copy everything I do and put me on a kind of pedestal. But friends influence each other, right? And who doesn't want to be idolized?
Over the past year, things have taken a bit of a turn. We will be totally fine and enjoying time together but the next day I'll receive multiple loooong text messages (the record is 24 in a row!) about how hurt she is and how she's done pretending she's ok when she's not. Another common thread is her positing that I have become someone she doesn't even know anymore. These have left me completely baffled as I thought things were all good and groovy.
Feeling very hurt by this, I initially responded to such messages by defending myself and my actions. I hoped that explaining my perspective would help diffuse the situation. However, I have been getting these text messages (she never confronts me in person, only over text even though I asked that if she is feeling hurt by me, that she bring it up in person given that we are roommates), with increasing frequency. She never specifically can pinpoint what I've done to hurt her, but seems to think I have crossed some boundary she set (maybe I did unintentionally, but truthfully, I cannot think of what). For a bit I just ignored her recent messages, but this just seemed to make things worse.
After reading Walking on Eggshells, I believe she may have BPD or at least some BPD traits. Knowing this, has helped me understand her behavior, but doesn't help that my feelings have been repeatedly hurt over the past year.
I am planning on moving out before our lease ends (I'll still pay rent dw), but would like to remain friends or at least friendly, but I have no idea how to break the news that I am leaving to her without her blowing up at me again.
I feel like I am walking on eggshells and know I have to get myself out of this situation out of care for myself, but I don't just want to throw our good times together down the drain.
Can someone go from being a pwBPD's favorite person to being just casual friends?
How can I tell my friend that I'm moving out without making it seem like I want to end our friendship and without making it seem like it's her fault (even though it is)?