Did i do wrong?

[Yoke]

I have done something that i dont know how to deal with. Was it wrong? 
have sent my ex towels by the postoffice to her to pick up there.. two days ago. a gift from me because she has moved to a new apartement. She always talked about how much she love these expensive towels, but would never buy them self, and they would fit in her apartement and just hang there. She love furnishing so much.  And yesterday i  got a notice that she picked it out from the postoffice ,a day  after i sent it. I never wrote the the senders name- me. She may have understood it was me because of the handwriting and from my town the package came from... i dont know if she just threw it away when she opend it or took it.. she has neither sent me an angry textmessage.. nothing. But am almost 100% sure she guessed and know now its coming from me.  What do you think of it? Was it a bad idea to send the present?... do u think she would give me an angry textmessage soon because i disturb her and maybe her new relationship?  After she devaluated me, 3 weeks after, i sent her a letter and then she wrote me a textmessage full of rage! So why not now? Please respond..

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

How does it make you feel that is the main thing? Do you feel like you have lessened yourself?

Her reaction could be anything, there is a chance that she will find it controlling, rather than a nice surprise.

[Yoke]

@waverider. Thanx. Why would i feel like i have lessened myself? And why would send a towel to her be controlling, in what way?... dont quite understand your answer..

[waverider]

@waverider. Thanx. Why would i feel like i have lessened myself? And why would send a towel to her be controlling, in what way?... dont quite understand your answer..

You sending her something can be seen as trying to "influence" her, she can constitute this as trying to manipulate her thoughts/choices. Not saying this is true but pwBPD have a warped view.

Often when you make gestures to someone who doesn't want them, in hindsight we can feel disempowered or foolish, having completely missed the mark. Doesn't mean it is the truth, but pwBPD are very good at making us feel this way with their unempathetic  responses

[Yoke]

Thanx @wawerider. I don"t think she is that way, because before she sent me almost immediately an angry textmessage wirh hate and awful words.. - now, nothing! And thats unlike her to do so. Because i am sure she knows it came from me. So i am not sure of what she thinks now. That i probably will never know either...? I know that she loved me in some way, both her and her friends told me that.. and she is not all evil, there is a soft side of her too deep inside. Maybe she is not that angry at me anymore, or just took the expensive towels as a trophy.. ? I dont care. The only thing i wish from her is to not just hate all of me... i have stuff thats mine at her place, or maybe she threw them away when she moved to her new apartement? I want them back, but ask her,.. i do not dare. Because in her mind i hurted her so much and she left.. so if i ask for these stuff she might hate me because i want THEM back, and dont care a PLEASE READ about that i hurted HER... right? Im in a periode now when i am soo low, just cry as soon as i get home from work.. i am missing her so damn much.. and i hate mysekf for doing it! Because she dont care about me anymore i guess... i hate that she made such a deep scar in my soul that i never may heal... i want her back.. but i logical know that she will never come back to me.. its so hard- you meet a person in your life, u love her deadly, and so suddenly after spending so much time with her, 24/7- all that is GONE... it hurts like hell... what to do? I just wish i could talk to her, about anything, for 15 min or less, just see her face.. and then my soul would get some peace... do u understand how it feels? Have you felt that same? Please respond

[waverider]

This is the normal grieving process of loosing a relationship, I am sure most people have gone through this regardless of BPD.

Take time to look after yourself you will be vulnerable at the moment.  It is this time you really dont want to be dealing with BPD dramas

[Yoke]

Thanx @wawerider. I don"t think she is that way, because before she sent me almost immediately an angry textmessage wirh hate and awful words.. - now, nothing! And thats unlike her to do so. Because i am sure she knows it came from me. So i am not sure of what she thinks now. That i probably will never know either...? I know that she loved me in some way, both her and her friends told me that.. and she is not all evil, there is a soft side of her too deep inside. Maybe she is not that angry at me anymore, or just took the expensive towels as a trophy.. ? I dont care. The only thing i wish from her is to not just hate all of me... i have stuff thats mine at her place, or maybe she threw them away when she moved to her new apartement? I want them back, but ask her,.. i do not dare. Because in her mind i hurted her so much and she left.. so if i ask for these stuff she might hate me because i want THEM back, and dont care a PLEASE READ about that i hurted HER... right? Im in a periode now when i am soo low, just cry as soon as i get home from work.. i am missing her so damn much.. and i hate mysekf for doing it! Because she dont care about me anymore i guess... i hate that she made such a deep scar in my soul that i never may heal... i want her back.. but i logical know that she will never come back to me.. its so hard- you meet a person in your life, u love her deadly, and so suddenly after spending so much time with her, 24/7- all that is GONE... it hurts like hell... what to do? I just wish i could talk to her, about anything, for 15 min or less, just see her face.. and then my soul would get some peace... do u understand how it feels? Have you felt that same? Please respond