Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 02, 2024, 06:11:10 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Things we can't afford to ignore
Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts
Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has BPD
My Definition of Love. I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
89
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
no shame
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: no shame (Read 519 times)
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12132
Dad to my wolf pack
no shame
«
on:
December 06, 2013, 11:52:49 PM »
I was on the computer tonight and opened the Skype which only she uses and noticed her boyfriend's name there as a contact. does this woman have no limits to the depths of her betrayal? I was so pissed I almost marched out to give her my speech, but she is watching a movie with our son. I got him ready for bed, sent him back to her and left. the computer is one I bought us/ her ( like the suv) so she could go back to school a few years ago. we had laptops, so we really didn't need it, but it's nice, very large screen. etc. I hate to say it, but I hate her. I hate that I don't hate myself for feeling that. She was all nice when she got home with the kids tonight. " so how are you doing?" all sweet. grrrrrr
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Ironmanrises
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774
Re: no shame
«
Reply #1 on:
December 07, 2013, 12:00:57 AM »
Her "sweet" behavior to you is a reflection of the contradictory nature of her disorder, when you read one of her thoughts in the journal she leaves around, "I wish i could love Turkish, but i can't" or something to that effect(Apologies if i quoted you wrong, im going off the top of my head trying to remember). I would be pissed beyond, if i saw what you saw too. You have every right to be pissed. She is still living there with you, your kids, and in a relationship with that young douche who is to blame as well for wrecking your relationship and family. Let your anger out on here friend. You know we will listen to you Turkish.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12132
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: no shame
«
Reply #2 on:
December 07, 2013, 12:13:58 AM »
Quote from: Ironmanfalls on December 07, 2013, 12:00:57 AM
Her "sweet" behavior to you is a reflection of the contradictory nature of her disorder, when you read one of her thoughts in the journal she leaves around, "I wish i could love Turkish, but i can't" or something to that effect(Apologies if i quoted you wrong, im going off the top of my head trying to remember). I would be pissed beyond, if i saw what you saw too. You have every right to be pissed. She is still living there with you, your kids, and in a relationship with that young douche who is to blame as well for wrecking your relationship and family. Let your anger out on here friend. You know we will listen to you Turkish.
Thanks, Ironman, you all will get the full text of the next conversation... . screw the tools, she'll get me, unfiltered.
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
ThisIsMyNamelol
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 18
Re: no shame
«
Reply #3 on:
December 07, 2013, 12:51:09 AM »
Man, just reading your posts and not even knowing this woman, I can say you deserve/can do so much better. I never had kids with my ex, so I can't even comprehend what you must be going through, but what I can say for certain is there is an other side to this. You can and will be happy, and someone will love you and your children the way they deserve. That I can say without hesitation. But you have to get yourself away from this woman and detatch, asap.
Easier said than done, I know, and you have way more at risk than I ever have. I just know you're a good dude, and you want the best for your kids. And I want that for you too.
Logged
Ironmanrises
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774
Re: no shame
«
Reply #4 on:
December 07, 2013, 12:51:32 AM »
Welcome Turkish. She may/very well backtrack when you bring up the skype incident and try to downplay it with the possible words "i added him on there but we dont speak like that" or a variation of that, to keep you off balance. Her behavior may even become more chaotic when the day nears for her to depart your house once and for all, when reality really sets in for her. Not that you are responsible for that, just something to keep in mind.
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12132
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: no shame
«
Reply #5 on:
December 07, 2013, 01:05:10 AM »
Quote from: Ironmanfalls on December 07, 2013, 12:51:32 AM
Welcome Turkish. She may/very well backtrack when you bring up the skype incident and try to downplay it with the possible words "i added him on there but we dont speak like that" or a variation of that, to keep you off balance. Her behavior may even become more chaotic when the day nears for her to depart your house once and for all, when reality really sets in for her. Not that you are responsible for that, just something to keep in mind.
oh, I'll call her on her lies, point out that she's a pathological lies now. you are right in what she'll probably say. sad how you can predict that, no? like a script... .
Logged
“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
santa
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 725
Re: no shame
«
Reply #6 on:
December 07, 2013, 01:10:25 AM »
Quote from: Turkish on December 07, 2013, 01:05:10 AM
Quote from: Ironmanfalls on December 07, 2013, 12:51:32 AM
Welcome Turkish. She may/very well backtrack when you bring up the skype incident and try to downplay it with the possible words "i added him on there but we dont speak like that" or a variation of that, to keep you off balance. Her behavior may even become more chaotic when the day nears for her to depart your house once and for all, when reality really sets in for her. Not that you are responsible for that, just something to keep in mind.
oh, I'll call her on her lies, point out that she's a pathological lies now. you are right in what she'll probably say. sad how you can predict that, no? like a script... .
That's the blessing and the curse of understanding this disorder. You basically know how they will act in any possible situation. It is like they follow a script.
Logged
Ironmanrises
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774
Re: no shame
«
Reply #7 on:
December 07, 2013, 01:14:09 AM »
Quote from: Turkish on December 07, 2013, 01:05:10 AM
Quote from: Ironmanfalls on December 07, 2013, 12:51:32 AM
Welcome Turkish. She may/very well backtrack when you bring up the skype incident and try to downplay it with the possible words "i added him on there but we dont speak like that" or a variation of that, to keep you off balance. Her behavior may even become more chaotic when the day nears for her to depart your house once and for all, when reality really sets in for her. Not that you are responsible for that, just something to keep in mind.
oh, I'll call her on her lies, point out that she's a pathological lies now. you are right in what she'll probably say. sad how you can predict that, no? like a script... .
I predicted all of my exUBPDgf behavior in round 2 starting on the day i let her back in. A script indeed. She will say that you are lying, literally anything you say to her will be reversed on you(almost like a little kid).
Logged
maxen
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2252
Re: no shame
«
Reply #8 on:
December 07, 2013, 06:43:06 AM »
turkish, you may have mentioned in your posts when she'll be moving out. is that time approaching?
Logged
Pretty Woman
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683
The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself
Re: no shame
«
Reply #9 on:
December 07, 2013, 09:50:26 AM »
Mine would tell half truths.
The first time she left me for someone else it was her ex who came to visit. After the visit she told me her ex asked to kiss her.
Later I realize it happened.
She dumped me shortly after.
Ran to this ex who is in another state and came back when she realized it wasn't realistic dating LD.
This time she called me at 3am to tell me she was bringing our mutual friend to her house because she was too drunk to drive.
Later I realized she slept with her.
Dumped me again and now they are together.
It truly is a pattern. And each time there was a "replacement" she would cut me off and threaten a restraining order.
I say she will never try to return being now she is with someone who was in my circle and is
Still connected to people we know (and she has painted me a villain) but I only know of two exes she doesn't speak to and those were ones who dumped her.
One a cop, don't think she would mess with that.
This replacement being here is new to me. By my calculations... .Jan/Feb will be key trigger months for her where she will doubt the relationship.
That and the fact this new woman has never even in a gay relationship. She will start doubting.
I want either when I first met my ex but now I am open. I am using these months to work out both mind and body to get stronger before I hear from her again which I very well may.
Logged
damage control
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 475
Re: no shame
«
Reply #10 on:
December 07, 2013, 05:07:49 PM »
Quote from: Turkish on December 06, 2013, 11:52:49 PM
I was on the computer tonight and opened the Skype which only she uses and noticed her boyfriend's name there as a contact. does this woman have no limits to the depths of her betrayal? I was so pissed I almost marched out to give her my speech, but she is watching a movie with our son. I got him ready for bed, sent him back to her and left. the computer is one I bought us/ her ( like the suv) so she could go back to school a few years ago. we had laptops, so we really didn't need it, but it's nice, very large screen. etc. I hate to say it, but I hate her. I hate that I don't hate myself for feeling that. She was all nice when she got home with the kids tonight. " so how are you doing?" all sweet. grrrrrr
Your anger is completely understandable Turkish.
The weekend before my ex dumped me - which was the Monday morning - we not only had (what i thought) was a really lovely weekend together at the markets and hanging out watching films etc, but we also had some amazing sex.
After the dumping (which I did not see coming and which completely floored me), I checked his email account only to see that he had spent that weekend emailing erotic messages to my replacement - who he had connected with online a few days prior ... .he wrote those not 3 feet from where I slept in his bed ... and then climbed back into bed and was sweet and loving ... to the clueless me.
Mine HAS to have deception and secrets going on or he does not feel alive. Perhaps yours is the same ... .
Logged
fromheeltoheal
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642
Re: no shame
«
Reply #11 on:
December 07, 2013, 05:54:12 PM »
You guys are giving me flashbacks. I hadn't heard from my ex in a couple of days, which usually meant she was off screwing someone. When confronted, the reason she gave was she was at the gym and had a heart attack, and had spent the weekend in the hospital. And the clincher? The untrained front desk employee at the gym used a defibrillator on her when she was sitting up, smiling and had a pulse. If you're going to bullsht me sweetheart, at least educate yourself so you don't sound like an idiot. And of course everything was my fault; it started to amaze me how distorted her reasoning could get when she panicked.
Why, oh why, did we put up with this sht for so long?
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
no shame
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...