Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
May 02, 2024, 04:49:17 PM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Tonight I'm depressed
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Tonight I'm depressed (Read 480 times)
Indyan
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812
Tonight I'm depressed
«
on:
October 18, 2014, 04:09:17 PM »
I'm sad. And I'm fed up with all this... .with the chaos since July.
I have enough of being alone with the kids, and constantly struggling.
Tired of keeping a home together while BPD is trying to destroy things from afar, tired of being the strong one, the patient one, the kind one etc, when all what he does is threaten me and accuse me.
I have enough of this crazy chaotic life and seeing all these people in their normal lives.
I'm tired and down.
It feels the struggle is neverending, and knowing it's just the beginning freaks me out.
I do tell myself we've moved toward a diagnosis (at last) and he may finally see the right doctor... .but at what cost? We sacrificed our family, what we had built together, the trust, the love, everything.
As if he had to punish me when beginning to admit he's "not well".
I have enough of having the bad role, when in fact I'm the one who's been left to deal with everything: kids, house, papers, tax... .
With absolutely no support from his lousy family.
I feel destroyed, hurt, betrayed and fooled.
Yes, fooled. He fooled me into believing he was that nice, cool and romantic guy when in fact he's a calculating, manipulative monster with no emotions.
He's done everything he could to hurt me.
My therapist asked me 2days ago whether "I still love him". I can't even begin to answer this question. I used to believe that when I love it's for ever, that it doesn't just cease. But here I don't know anymore, for the first time in my life. I know I'm not a masochist. On the other hand, I know he's ill, but still, it hurts.
I'm lost and confused in lunaticland.
I wasn't prepared for all this, I had never heard of personality disorders in my life. And in two years, here I am, with a new baby (gorgeous btw) and a crazy man who says "we're done", while accusing me of leaving him.
I left a 10-yr relationship for this chaos? What a clever choice!
I wonder if I'll find peace one day, now that M. lunatic has entered my life.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
wendy109
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #1 on:
October 18, 2014, 05:17:55 PM »
I know how you feel.
Logged
peiper
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 805
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #2 on:
October 18, 2014, 06:20:23 PM »
I can so relate. Mine left blaming it on me and is living with the guy she was cheating with. It does get better, keep posting.
Logged
hope2727
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #3 on:
October 18, 2014, 07:23:12 PM »
Sending you all the support I can muster. Mine left and blames me for all his misery. Mind you he is still miserable without me.
Your posts inspire me to keep going. Thank you.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #4 on:
October 18, 2014, 08:55:14 PM »
Quote from: Indyan on October 18, 2014, 04:09:17 PM
Yes, fooled. He fooled me into believing he was that nice, cool and romantic guy when in fact he's a calculating, manipulative monster with no emotions.
Did he fool you... .or did BPD sneak up on you?
Quote from: Indyan on October 18, 2014, 04:09:17 PM
"we're done", while accusing me of leaving him.
This part of the disorder... .being accused of what they are actually doing... .is very frustrating. When this gets better... there will be less accusing... but they they will "suggest" things that you think... .then it gets better... .and then they just "ask" odd questions about things that you aren't doing... and don't think.
Just focus on responding appropriately... .looking for an emotion to validate... and move along. Challenging them on this behavior is not a good strategy.[/quote]
Quote from: Indyan on October 18, 2014, 04:09:17 PM
I left a 10-yr relationship for this chaos? What a clever choice!
Would you like to tell us about this choice?
Logged
vortex of confusion
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #5 on:
October 18, 2014, 09:26:43 PM »
Wanted to send you a great big hug!
I have had a lot of the same thoughts as you.
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #6 on:
October 18, 2014, 09:42:15 PM »
And a follow up hug from me!
Logged
takingandsending
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, 15 years; together 18 years
Posts: 1121
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #7 on:
October 19, 2014, 01:22:33 AM »
Hey Indyan.
So sorry you are feeling low right now. I am completing a peer to peer family living with mental illness class. And it's is just a rough go for us. In the class, it was described as a two edged sword - the person with mental illness loses qualities that we valued and they gain added qualities that are difficult to deal with. So we lose both ways, which makes us feel lost, overwhelmed, responsible and exhausted.
With so much chaos going on, it's critical to do positive things for yourself, to find ways of getting support, soothing and any moment of relief that you can. Is there anything that you can do for yourself right now that will bring a moment, a respite from the pain? A walk, a talk with a friend, a movie?
With a baby, it is difficult to make time for yourself, even with an engaged and supportive partner. But, sometimes, you can imagine giving to yourself even as you give to your child. And when you see them filled up with happiness, imagine that you are giving to yourself as a child and that you are filled with that happiness, too. It's called reparenting, I think, and it has worked a bit for me when I remember to try it.
Logged
flowerpath
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 225
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #8 on:
October 19, 2014, 01:46:07 AM »
Hi, Indyan.
I’m so sorry about what you are going through. To be on the receiving end of BPD behaviors is a difficult place to be. It is very trying to feel like you are the only strong one, level-minded one, kind one, patient one, and responsible one.
I like what Formflier asked.
Quote from: formflier on October 18, 2014, 08:55:14 PM
Did he fool you... .or did BPD sneak up on you?
I can say that BPD snuck up on me, and yeah, it felt like an awful trick. Early on in a relationship, most people put their best foot forward and there is a lot of validation coming from both sides, which helps to keep some of the worst traits of BPD at bay. Maybe some of the traits are subtle, possibly infrequent, and love can even turn a blind eye. Even if you see them, you may not recognize that they are part of a bigger picture, especially if you have never heard of BPD. All it takes is the straw that breaks the camel’s back, and then BPD can wipe nice, cool, and romantic right off your husband's face.
On one of these threads I was given the advice to learn as much as I can about the disorder and how to protect myself from it. I can honestly say that knowledge is power, and acting on that knowledge is even more powerful. It hasn’t made things “normal”, at least not for me, but trying to understand where my husband is coming from in the things he says, recognize when it's the BPD talking and the perspective it's coming from, and changing how I respond - usually with the S.E.T. or just removing myself from the behavior if necessary - has made things calmer.
Logged
Indyan
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #9 on:
October 19, 2014, 02:23:42 AM »
Thanks to all of you
This morning I'm feeling a little better. Seeing him is always hard for me, and week-ends are tough because I know he's coming visit.
Right now I'm trying to focus on the positive points. At least this week he stopped threatening me, and with no reaction on my part, he's eventually calmed down.
He demanded nothing from me, and even suggested baby needed breastfeeding yesterday (when the week before he skipped breasfeeding time and told me it didn't matter).
So, his manners have improved but he's still so cold towards me.
I'm exhausted and constantly tired.
TakingandSending, I went to McDon and to the movies with my D10 yesterday. Last time I'd been there was with BPD a year ago. I enjoyed it, but realized it's hard for both of us not to think and talk about BPD after we've seen him. And hard to relax for me when I know he's alone with baby.
Logged
peiper
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 805
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #10 on:
October 19, 2014, 03:12:52 AM »
Glad your feeling better
Logged
Indyan
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #11 on:
October 21, 2014, 03:01:00 PM »
I don't "know" what to feel anymore.
I cry every day, at other times (like tonight) I feel angry.
I feel like telling BPD "Ok, fine, you don't love me, nothing will happen again between us."
On Sunday, I was feeling sad and nostalgic of the good times and sent him a song along with the words "We miss you".
I don't know whether I'm holding on in the storm or if I'm clinging to a love that is gone forever.
I don't know if I'm wrong to love him still or if I should start hating him for all the terrible things he's put me through.
I'm totally lost and confused. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not starting to lose my mind like him.
Logged
vortex of confusion
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #12 on:
October 21, 2014, 05:08:08 PM »
Quote from: Indyan on October 21, 2014, 03:01:00 PM
I don't "know" what to feel anymore.
I cry every day, at other times (like tonight) I feel angry.
I feel like telling BPD "Ok, fine, you don't love me, nothing will happen again between us."
On Sunday, I was feeling sad and nostalgic of the good times and sent him a song along with the words "We miss you".
I don't know whether I'm holding on in the storm or if I'm clinging to a love that is gone forever.
I don't know if I'm wrong to love him still or if I should start hating him for all the terrible things he's put me through.
I'm totally lost and confused. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not starting to lose my mind like him.
Sending you some more hugs.
I know exactly how you are feeling. I am all over the boards these days because I don't know how to feel about anything. I feel flakier than a pie crust at times. I know I will be staying long enough to get myself in order. Not sure what will happen after that.
I know how hard it is to not know what to feel about the things that they have said and done. It is weird because nobody in my real life would ever guess that I was going through such inner turmoil. I take care of the kids, the household, and everything else without batting an eye most of the time. Inside, it feels like I am slowly dying.
Logged
hope2727
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1210
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #13 on:
October 21, 2014, 06:13:26 PM »
Indyan
I so understand. I am all over the place too. I want to call him and reach out and tel him how loved he is but it always ends up being taken so negatively and turned against me that whats the point. I am sitting here trying to make myself go out for dinner and all I really want to do is crawl under the covers and cry. You are not alone. Just be true to yourself is I think the best you can do.
Logged
Indyan
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated for 15 months, court 4 months ago
Posts: 812
Re: Tonight I'm depressed
«
Reply #14 on:
October 24, 2014, 01:35:10 PM »
Thanks to both of you.
Yes Vortex, often I tell myself "I'm dying inside", followed by "I mustn't let myself become like him."
I've come up with a few statements that help me get on:
"He has more to lose that I have"
"Truth will come out eventually"
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Tonight I'm depressed
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...