Recommendations for Therapists for Children of BPD Mothers

[HFord1000]

Hi BPD Family! Does anyone know how to go about finding a therapist who specializes in helping people with loved ones who have BPD? Google searches aren't returning any therapists for people with family members with BPD, specifically. To be clear, we are looking for a therapist to help someone, an adult,  with the tumultuous effects of a mother who suffers from BPD. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all!

Modified to specify that we are seeking therapy for an adult child of someone with BPD. Thank you for your suggestions so far!

[PearlsBefore]

Hi, before I over-invest myself in the wonderful distraction this thread possibly offers me...let me just double-check something...how old are the children in this circumstance? Because if this is a "there's a 5-year old, 7-year old and 11-year old with a BPD mother" moment - I've been waiting a year for another opportunity to unload all my resources...but if this is an "adult children of BPD mothers" thing then other people will be more helpful than I will be.

[Outdorenthusiast]

I have my kids S/17, D/15, D/13 enrolled with T that specializes in dealing with anxiety and uses CBT tools and it seems to be working.  The therapist also knows how to deal with PTSD and depression.  The D/15 was recommended to go on anti-anxiety meds and is a totally new kid - much more confident and much less panic attack melt downs.  Son now knows it isn’t his fault and he can’t fix mom (although I have to remind him), and Daughter 13 is making new friends and is not isolating as much anymore.  We had a “normal” kids party at our house on Friday which was a HUGE step.

[Couscous]

If this is for an adult your best bet will be to look for a therapist who specializes in recovery from narcissistic mothers.

Here is a directory that has therapists who have taken Dr. Karyl Mcbride’s training: https://willieverbegoodenough.com/categories/therapists/

[Notwendy]

This does not take the place of a therapist but in addition, one of the best things I have done is ACA groups. Having a parent with BPD impacts the entire family and the dysfunctional patterns in that family are similar to having a family member with alcohol addiction. In our groups we discuss that ACA includes adult children who have a parent with a disorder.

I think having a good therapist is important but ACA was a different approach- and doing both (over time, they both take time)  has been very helpful.

I don't know exactly how to find one that addresses BPD specifically. I have over time, felt that some were better than others. Also, it's not as if I have been in T for all this time. Mostly I would seek one out for specific situations where I felt I wanted the support- such as when beginning college, when my father was ill, or other personal concern.

I don't think this is a "one and done" process because being raised in a family where there is a BPD parent, we learn certain behaviors that serve us in that family situation, but may not be to our benefit in others as adults. A T can be of support in certain situations where we may need to consider other approaches. I have also gone for long times with no need for T at all, but I know that it's OK to seek out assistance or advice if needed, even if it's just to talk about a situation. These are not topics one can easily share with friends.

[PearlsBefore]

For what it's worth, for people wondering about the demographics of the NEA-BPD "Family Connections" course...

Obviously I can only speak to my own experience, but we were twelve adults aged 22-65, all of whom seemed to make an effort to be extremely inclusive and valuable to each other even where the circumstances were very different:

-There were two of us for whom the primary pwBPD was a spouse (still very useful)

-There was only one person for whom their primary pwBPD was their sister

-There was only one person for whom their primary pwBPD was their mother (and one other who was there for her daughter but claimed her mother also had it, and I think I was not alone in my belief it had not miraculously skipped a generation)

-There were zero who were just in long-term relationships or dating a BPD

-There were 8 parents of BPD, 7 of them had a BPD daughter, 1 had a BPD son. (Together with the BPD husband, only two male BPDs were discussed among the 12-13 pwBPDs being discussed)

-The two "teachers" guiding the group were also parents of BPD daughters, and one of them also referenced a belief her mother had BPD. She didn't appear to have BPD herself.