What is a good response to those types of accusations like you don't care, you don't like me, you're going to leave, etc.?
You don’t want to deny it, but at the same time you don’t want to add fuel to the fire. If you deny it, then what you are telling them is that their feelings are wrong. In BPDland,
FEELINGS EQUAL FACTS.What they believe, despite your repeated attempts to set the record straight, is what they believe to be fact, as fervently as you might believe in gravity or the existence of the sun.
Then, a day later, or maybe a few hours later, they
won’t believe you’re an uncaring, selfish jerk, and they were
never planning on leaving—you must have made that all up, and maybe
you actually do want them to leave...and you can see how the argument can be rekindled.
How to respond to these spurious allegations without inciting further discord: it’s not easy, but the best thing is to try and validate the emotion you suspect they’re currently experiencing. Now if they’re in a fullblown dysregulation, there’s nothing that you can do that isn’t likely to make things worse, so tread very carefully.
If, however, they’re just mildly upset, you can say something like: “That must feel so lonely and painful thinking I don’t like you. I’d be really sad if I thought you didn’t like me.”
These responses are very difficult and it takes a lot of creativity to tailor it to your loved one. You don’t want to be patronizing, you also don’t want to be phony, and it is painful to hear these things from the person you love.
Hope this helps.
