I think I'm done

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Long story short because of a big day tomorrow... .

I think I'm done! I do keep having to remind myself that I don't have to explain (JADE) with him what's wrong or why etc. any quick tip to just 'not go there'? After another freak out and F-you b___, and leaving my place in the morning for a work trip, he sent a confusing, wish you washy voicemail, followed by a text that start with maybe we should talk... .and ended with, if you've just been using me, let me know so I don't go down this terrible road again. Feels manipulative, nasty, accusatory etc. but I keep feeling like I need to answer something that explains that I didn't use him. I haven't replied. It's been 24hrs. I'm feeling sort of empowered by the thought that something great happened today... .I'm interviewing for a huge career move in my company tomorrow, short notice. It's as if the universe is showing me that when I let him go, I make room for better things to happen in my life. This one thing (preparing for and being excited about a short notice, scary interview with my director) brought me closer to my daughter, mother, son, and friend. If he were around, I would of talked to only him about it.

Anyway, I need rest for this big day. Any advice or wisdom about my not talking to him? Or how to get over the desire to JADE his accusations. I keep wanting to basically 'tell him how it is' and why I should move on, and why he's an ass...

Heh.

Thanks in advance

[Aurora8]

Long story short because of a big day tomorrow... .

I think I'm done! I do keep having to remind myself that I don't have to explain (JADE) with him what's wrong or why etc. any quick tip to just 'not go there'? After another freak out and F-you b___, and leaving my place in the morning for a work trip, he sent a confusing, wish you washy voicemail, followed by a text that start with maybe we should talk... .and ended with, if you've just been using me, let me know so I don't go down this terrible road again. Feels manipulative, nasty, accusatory etc. but I keep feeling like I need to answer something that explains that I didn't use him. I haven't replied. It's been 24hrs. I'm feeling sort of empowered by the thought that something great happened today... .I'm interviewing for a huge career move in my company tomorrow, short notice. It's as if the universe is showing me that when I let him go, I make room for better things to happen in my life. This one thing (preparing for and being excited about a short notice, scary interview with my director) brought me closer to my daughter, mother, son, and friend. If he were around, I would of talked to only him about it.

Anyway, I need rest for this big day. Any advice or wisdom about my not talking to him? Or how to get over the desire to JADE his accusations. I keep wanting to basically 'tell him how it is' and why I should move on, and why he's an ass...

Heh.

Thanks in advance

[Aurora8]

Sorry about the tired typos via my 'smart' phone.

P.S. I'm gonna nail this interview tomorrow! Whole new world for me, basically becoming a peer to my boss!

P.P.S. He gave me a gift recently. He's been so difficult but blaming me... .And trying to tell me who I am, which I know is wrong ( you're not an affectionate person, you're not a compassionate person, wah wah wah) then gets bully-ish and mean, then leaves again... .Why do I feel like I should prove something to him by telling him I'll give the gift back or pay him back? Should I offer that? Really feel like going radio silent. Nothing I do helps. And I should care if he walks away thinking bad things about me, I know. But I still don't like it!. Okay, babble done!

[enlighten me]

Hi Aurora

Im sorry you've had to go through this and are still dealing with it.

The problem I found is that no matter what I said it didn't matter. You cant change how someone feels with logic. If your ex feels used then nothing you can say or do will change his mind. My exgf would say things and even when I showed her a text countering what she was saying she still couldn't comprehend it.

I strongly felt the need to show that I was right and justify my stance. Now I find it much easier to just accept that my exs will think what they want and if they say anything just to say ok and leave it at that.

Your ex may walk away thinking bad things of you but these will fade. My exgf had a boyfriend who physically abused her and she still spoke of him with a sort of fondness.

You've got a lot happening in your life which is good. A new job opportunity, reconnecting with your family these are all positive things. Use these to distract yourself from thinking of him.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Aurora8, Hope the job interview goes well.  It's normal, I think, to want to "set the record straight":

I keep wanting to basically 'tell him how it is' and why I should move on, and why he's an ass...

The problem, as enlighten me notes, is that you can't control what he thinks and if you attempt to change his mind you will get in a Lose/Lose situation.  Don't give him the power.  Let go of the outcome.  Let him think what he thinks.  Instead, focus on the good things within your control, like nailing the interview.

LuckyJim

[hollycat]

First of all, good luck on the job interview! Keep us posted!

Second, if I had a dollar for every time I told myself: I just need to send or reply to one more text from BpdH, I just need to say just one more thing, hahahahahahaha

You can't reason with them. As smart as they are, logic goes right over their heads.

Keep moving forward. They just don't get it and won't ever get it.

[Aurora8]

Thanks for the advice. I still haven't talked to him.

Second interview is tomorrow, I sounds like this part is just a formality but somehow it's scarier for me!

This really will be a whole new life... New challenges, will need a new and improved daily routine including good sleep because I'm not a morning person, new wardrobe because I've lost weight and I'm going from scrubs to my own office. New confidence and building self trust. Perfect time to move on from this relationship.