I think I am actually doing it. Wow.

[Octoberfest]

Guys- I think I am actually TRULY letting go and making peace with what happened to me. This is my 3rd thread in about 5 days.  In the thread I posted 5 days ago, I was in a pretty bad way... . I was hurting badly about being back in my college town. I was terrified of running into my BPDex, I was looking over my shoulder everywhere that I went, worried she would try and show up at my fraternity or at parties or otherwise. I was in a pretty low place again after working really hard this summer to escape that feeling.  In the past 5 days I have learned a lot of things... . I learned that she left town back in July. I learned that she most likely isn't engaged and I don't even think is still with the guy that she started dating while we were still dating which was the final straw and caused me to break things off with her. Today I learned perhaps the best news (for me and my issues) yet- the guy she is with now, who is still here in my college town, is a 23-25 year old guy who is addicted to cocaine. I was told that he is a real loser, and curiosity got the better of me; I went onto facebook and found the guy (as a side note, when I was messing around with some blocking settings a few days ago on facebook I saw that my ex has deleted her account).  The guy is fat, greasy, and trashy looking. The type with big pretty poorly done tattoos all over. 

I don't pretend to be the BEST looking guy... . but I can say WITHOUT hesitation or ANY ulterior motive that she made a MASSIVE downgrade.  There isn't even a HINT of doubt in my mind regarding her being "better off" or going to "find happiness" with this guy.  She has done me a HUGE favor and put any and all fears about that sort of stuff to rest because of who she chose to be with after me  .  I have NO feelings of inadequacy about it.  In seeing pictures of him I saw several of them together... . and honestly, I reacted pretty indifferently. It didn't bug me to see her with another guy.  I just laughed and laughed because she is a beautiful, cute girl and she is in these pictures with an absolute slob of a guy. 

I feel pretty damn good.  A little lonely, but I had that feeling long before I knew my BPDex.  The clouds in my head have honestly been clearing. I don't of her as much. I NEVER thought this day would come... . Life seems to be starting again.  And it is a blessing.

[bettermentofsociety]

you are much further along than I am.  I cannot imagine how I will feel if/when I see the pictures of her and her new rich boyfriend or even worse I see them together out somewhere.

 

Keep it up.  Keep thinking good thoughts.  I know I am trying to do the same!

[iluminati]

I'll put it to you like this.  I'm a large Black man who is in his 30s, takes care of his clothes, works out and has a body fat percentage in the single digits.  My stbxw is with some older, out-of-shape White guy who has what she drained me of... . money.  As Kanye West said, I ain't saying she's a golddigger, but you ain't see her with no broke... .

[WXYZ]

... . but I can say WITHOUT hesitation or ANY ulterior motive that she made a MASSIVE downgrade... .

I noticed exactly the same thing too. My exBPD went for 'the bottom of the barrel' with her next guy.

Yes, a very unattractive slob loser alcho smoker with brown teeth & just disgusting. 

Very indicative of how completely messed up in the mind BPD truly is.

I feel pretty damn good too to tell you the truth.

Good for you October, let the good times roll  

[Bananas]

   Awesome Oct! 

I have been feeling really good as well lately.  I am trying to figure out why that is.  And I think it is just seeing things how they really are in the moment.  Looking at my ex right now, how much he has changed, and realistically thinking about how he is treating me right now (we are LC, we work together) I ask myself "Bananas, if you met this person right now, would you even want to be friends with him?"  The answer is NO!  How much proof do I need to see that this is not the same person I fell in love with?  No more... .   time and time again, his actions have shown me that he is NOT who I thought he was.  He is actually quite mean and unhappy.  I don't hate him, I just don't particularly like him. 

Indifference is good! 

 

[Lady31]

Iluminati - I logged in when I read your post just so I could let you know I'm LMAO!  Good news is... . the cash flow forecast looks great without an allotment to her!

[papawapa]

Have you blocked all possible ways that she can contact you? I am willing to wager she will try it at some point. It looks like you may be over the hump and I would hate to see a post from you that she managed to contact you and set you back bro.

[whatathing]

Hey October, good for you but I was thinking, maybe the reasons you feel good about this are the same you felt bad before: because you put your self worth in the hands of her evaluating power. You´re ok not because she´s with a loser, but because you´re ok anyway!

I´m struggling to find the right perspective in these kinds of issues myself, so it caught my attention. Anyway, enjoy and it´s good to know you´re out of the trap

[Octoberfest]

Have you blocked all possible ways that she can contact you? I am willing to wager she will try it at some point. It looks like you may be over the hump and I would hate to see a post from you that she managed to contact you and set you back bro.

Her number has been blocked for over a month now, and any mail from her email address is auto-deleted... . I don't know that it would stop her if she really wanted to get into contact, but who knows. Funnily enough I actually sort of contemplated unblocking her email yesterday... . I am not sure why.  I didn't, but the urge was there... . I don't know what good I think could come from it.  It just got me shaking my head again, amazed that she threw what she had away and is now where she is now.

[DetroitDame]

Yes Octoberfest, life is a blessing so please do not let anyone take away your HAPPY!

Personally, I blocked my ex's number months after the breakup and then he has continued by calling me blocked/private.  I currently do not subscribe to prevent the blocked/private calls because I like to use the contacts to build my confidence. Each time I get a call, I know he is thinking of me not vice versa!

Keep moving forward in your healing and know that you have great value which she simply could not see or appreciate!

But, please don't get sucked back into the push/pull tornado!

[recoil]

When my replacement drove past my house over a month ago, I laughed out loud.

She downgraded.  I upgraded.

Life is good.

[Octoberfest]

If only I could find an upgrade

[Learning_curve74]

If only I could find an upgrade

You automatically upgraded by deleting the malware... .  

Octoberfest, I sincerely hope you are currently partying with your fraternity brothers and some lively young ladies! 

[Octoberfest]

If only I could find an upgrade

You automatically upgraded by deleting the malware... .

Octoberfest, I sincerely hope you are currently partying with your fraternity brothers and some lively young ladies!  

What a quote... . and so very true.

Last night was the night of the concert. I spent quite a bit of time talking with the band, they are awesome dudes.  It rained on us so the concert got moved inside the house into the party room in the basement and it was awesome.  I met a few different girls last night... . most it was just nice to talk to other girls again, but there was one that stood out.  She is from a different state and has a boyfriend who is back in that state... . meaning like 12+ hours away different state.  We started talking and just really connected on a personal level.  I am not sure why... . but I wasn't trying to game her or get with her or anything, I was just being genuine.  We ended up drinking a lot and she got to the point of needing someone to take care of her. At the fraternity house I cooked us some food, got her water, got her to a couch, made sure she was ok, etc.  At the end of the night she came back to my place.  We slept in the same bed but we did not do ANYTHING.  No kissing no sex nothing.  I knew she had a boyfriend, and having been cheated on I was not going to go and do that to someone.  She made it clear she intended to be faithful too.  We spent 2 hours or so just laying there talking about life... . and I told her that I was really glad that she was there.  I was ok not doing anything with her... . it just felt good to know that someone else saw value in me I guess.  I have talked to her all day today and she has told me that she was pretty mind fu*ked the entire day that she had come home and slept in a guys bed she had met 6 hours earlier... . that she didn't do those things, she has only been with 3 guys before, she has been with her bf for almost 2 years now, she was the responsible level headed one.  She told me how much she appreciated how respectful I was and that I wasn't making moves on her and that she was just freaking out by how much it seemed like we knew eachother and were so close, yet in reality we barely knew each other. It was a cool experience.  I am not going to pursue her or try and get her to split with her bf... . she does have A LOT of new friends from the dorms though   and she has told me that she has been telling them all about me and how awesome I am.  So... . I will be working with that tonight.

At the concert last night the girl that my BPDex cheated on me with, as well as the new guy that she got with and started dating while we still were dating (which caused me to break up with her) were there.  I didn't have direct conversation with the girl, but I was talking to someone while she stood in the circle of people around us and I was drunk and happy and showed no sign of ill will... . which I don't honestly know that I have for her.  I have heard more info and my BPDex was telling this girl that she and I were split up, etc.  The girl didn't knowingly cheat with my BPDex when we were together.  And the new guy... . I was passing by to the bathroom and said something to one of the Brothers.  As I kept walking I noticed out of the corner of my eye that this guy was standing right there with him.  When I got back from the bathroom, he was nowhere to be found.  I looked too. I think he left when he saw me... . I hold no ill will against him either.  It feels good to let go a little... . I guess I have a little against the greaseball she is with now, but that was just because another girl I know there, whose manager at some mall retail store was said greaseball, said "well he treats her well".  Fact is that I treated her well too.  And without being fat, greasy, or doing cocaine.  So I am still on top.

Like I mentioned, I am going to shower up and head out and meet this girl and her friends again... . it feels good to know that someone else out there sees something in me.