Whats with the smiling and grinning? really need to understand

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My Ex BPD dumped me over the phone, she then pushed and pulled me for 2 weeks after, saying things like i love you, my children miss you, and even making me meet up with her to return belongings, which resulted in a hickey on my neck and a lot of kissing and groping, she cried and cried when i had to go home that day.  On the final week, she kept texting me, ignoring me, then ringing to see if i was seeing somebody else (really panicking).  I had finally had enough of her mind games, so i rang her up and said im done ok, i cant take this any more, but i want us to be mature and be friends, she then said ok.  2 days later shes in a relationship with her replacement.  She then blocked me from everything apart from email, she was like if you want to contact me you can use Gmail (Control)

She then remembered she still had some of my stuff so I arranged to see her in person to get my belongings, she was still playing the push/ pull mind games, started of being nice saying how are you, hows the family? hope your all ok, then started being mean saying things like lifes not looking to good for you right now is it? with a big smile on her face, the whole time she was saying this i was laughing, and took it as a pinch of salt, she then says btw Holly (her 3 year old daughter) was asking for you the other day, she knows how close i was with her! she then says me and the kids were looking at old pictures of us together the other day (she has a bf) then goes on to say i still go on your FB i know what your up to (Shes blocked me on FB).  Then after all of this says, well you have your stuff back now so theres no reason for you to ever contact me again, im bored of talking to you now bye. The whole time she was saying this she was smiling at me just like she would during the relationship.  I smiled back and said take care bye.

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this? I laughed and went along with her because i didnt want to be seen as weak.

[jammo1989]

My Ex BPD dumped me over the phone, she then pushed and pulled me for 2 weeks after, saying things like i love you, my children miss you, and even making me meet up with her to return belongings, which resulted in a hickey on my neck and a lot of kissing and groping, she cried and cried when i had to go home that day.  On the final week, she kept texting me, ignoring me, then ringing to see if i was seeing somebody else (really panicking).  I had finally had enough of her mind games, so i rang her up and said im done ok, i cant take this any more, but i want us to be mature and be friends, she then said ok.  2 days later shes in a relationship with her replacement.  She then blocked me from everything apart from email, she was like if you want to contact me you can use Gmail (Control)

She then remembered she still had some of my stuff so I arranged to see her in person to get my belongings, she was still playing the push/ pull mind games, started of being nice saying how are you, hows the family? hope your all ok, then started being mean saying things like lifes not looking to good for you right now is it? with a big smile on her face, the whole time she was saying this i was laughing, and took it as a pinch of salt, she then says btw Holly (her 3 year old daughter) was asking for you the other day, she knows how close i was with her! she then says me and the kids were looking at old pictures of us together the other day (she has a bf) then goes on to say i still go on your FB i know what your up to (Shes blocked me on FB).  Then after all of this says, well you have your stuff back now so theres no reason for you to ever contact me again, im bored of talking to you now bye. The whole time she was saying this she was smiling at me just like she would during the relationship.  I smiled back and said take care bye.

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this? I laughed and went along with her because i didnt want to be seen as weak.

[Blimblam]

When you are in victim mode and she is in persecuter stance. The impulsive child in her is activated and seeks to solidify a sense of control this the grin. The grin signifies she "won" she may use it pull you and or gaslight. You attempted to dissacosiate you wounded child and use the detached protector as a front.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Mine did this today... .he grabbed his stuff broke up with me...

all with a smile on his face. Mind you last night i was told how much

he loved me and was willing to fight for me.

Never believe a thing that comes out of their mouths. they believe it in the moment but they cant sustain it. i think he meant well last night but

today he grinned all the way out the door.

heartbreaking... .but used to it.

[AG]

what the heck were we dating the same woman or something? Mine has me blocked on everything except gmail. I have also seen that smirk when I was extremely wounded even suicidal and she knew this and continued to kick me while I was down. I dont understand this at all. Even children do not behave that cruel. I cannot remember one instance of childhood of someone seeing someone broken amd them attacking them viciously like this. It hurts bro amd this is coming from people that want all the empathy in the world. Everytime I think I understand and reach some sort of acceptance I keep being thrown backwards by my own mind. This is a nasty disorder bro. Its like a black hole of destruction searching for good people to rip to pieces.

[Blimblam]

what the heck were we dating the same woman or something? Mine has me blocked on everything except gmail. I have also seen that smirk when I was extremely wounded even suicidal and she knew this and continued to kick me while I was down. I dont understand this at all. Even children do not behave that cruel. I cannot remember one instance of childhood of someone seeing someone broken amd them attacking them viciously like this. It hurts bro amd this is coming from people that want all the empathy in the world. Everytime I think I understand and reach some sort of acceptance I keep being thrown backwards by my own mind. This is a nasty disorder bro. Its like a black hole of destruction searching for good people to rip to pieces.

I experienced the same. Thing. I have come to realize it is the impulsive child stance persecuting the inner child except they are projecting onto you this internal drama they have within them.  This activates our own punitive parent to persecute our own lonely child.

This is because they have come to identify us as the punitive parent so they are rebelling against the punitive parent they have projected onto you.

Twisted stuff really.

[BlackandBlue]

what the heck were we dating the same woman or something? Mine has me blocked on everything except gmail. I have also seen that smirk when I was extremely wounded even suicidal and she knew this and continued to kick me while I was down. I dont understand this at all. Even children do not behave that cruel. I cannot remember one instance of childhood of someone seeing someone broken amd them attacking them viciously like this. It hurts bro amd this is coming from people that want all the empathy in the world. Everytime I think I understand and reach some sort of acceptance I keep being thrown backwards by my own mind. This is a nasty disorder bro. Its like a black hole of destruction searching for good people to rip to pieces.

I know what you guys are going throu. My exBPDgf ran me into the ground so bad that I attempted to take my life twice... .In fact she dumped me because of it. She said she shouldn't be dealing with someone who is suicidal,  she should be having fun instead. I feel so betrayed because of this... .she is what put me into that dark place to make those attempts. I tried being friends afterward but it just couldn't work. She would be nice to me at times but then she would get so mean and nasty with me! I don't know she could say that stuff to me knowing that I just recently tried taking my life... .talk about kicking someone when they're down! These people have hearts cold as stone!

[AG]

what the heck were we dating the same woman or something? Mine has me blocked on everything except gmail. I have also seen that smirk when I was extremely wounded even suicidal and she knew this and continued to kick me while I was down. I dont understand this at all. Even children do not behave that cruel. I cannot remember one instance of childhood of someone seeing someone broken amd them attacking them viciously like this. It hurts bro amd this is coming from people that want all the empathy in the world. Everytime I think I understand and reach some sort of acceptance I keep being thrown backwards by my own mind. This is a nasty disorder bro. Its like a black hole of destruction searching for good people to rip to pieces.

I know what you guys are going throu. My exBPDgf ran me into the ground so bad that I attempted to take my life twice... .In fact she dumped me because of it. She said she shouldn't be dealing with someone who is suicidal,  she should be having fun instead. I feel so betrayed because of this... .she is what put me into that dark place to make those attempts. I tried being friends afterward but it just couldn't work. She would be nice to me at times but then she would get so mean and nasty with me! I don't know she could say that stuff to me knowing that I just recently tried taking my life... .talk about kicking someone when they're down! These people have hearts cold as stone!

I might be down for now and so might you but trust. She did not leave because you were suicidal. She knows she ran you into the ground. This is not her first rodeo. I've read enough and seen enough to know the theme is the same. The theme is damage and run. I have never had my mind cracked from a relationship before and they have cracked minds before whether it is intentional or not intentional they have seen the damage they do. Theyre hearts are not cold as stone. They would like you to believe it is but they are not sociopaths they do feel in fact they feel too much.

[Infern0]

Mine was like this too. Although we broke up over the phone.  Well she needed complete control obviously so after a couple of days she asked me to call her regarding something trivial.  I called up to try and help her with it and on the phone she sounded happy while I was completely broken, but still i helped her out and asked if she was ok, and at the end she goes,  "thanks,  never call me again"

As usual though she couldn't sustain it and a week or so later it was "why do you hate meeeeeeee"

Such a mind ___ when you don't know about BPD and have no idea what you are dealing with

[Aussie JJ]

I have to see mine because we have a son together, guys, the e-mail is their way of controlling contact and keeping you on tap as they still want that validation knowing you care. 

Your feeding them... .

I cant go into detail at the moment, remember, about NEEDS, they need to feel validated that you want to contact them etc.  Do yourself a favour and just cut that cord, it will cause you great pain but just cut it... .

[jammo1989]

 Thank you Blimbam, you e really educated me further on the subject, if any of you are still trying to get your heads around the smiling, the blocking and all the silence i really want you to read this.

www.downwardspiralintothevortex.com/2011/09/vulnerable-angry-and-impulsive-child.html?m=1

[Infared]

My Ex BPD dumped me over the phone, she then pushed and pulled me for 2 weeks after, saying things like i love you, my children miss you, and even making me meet up with her to return belongings, which resulted in a hickey on my neck and a lot of kissing and groping, she cried and cried when i had to go home that day.  On the final week, she kept texting me, ignoring me, then ringing to see if i was seeing somebody else (really panicking).  I had finally had enough of her mind games, so i rang her up and said im done ok, i cant take this any more, but i want us to be mature and be friends, she then said ok.  2 days later shes in a relationship with her replacement.  She then blocked me from everything apart from email, she was like if you want to contact me you can use Gmail (Control)

She then remembered she still had some of my stuff so I arranged to see her in person to get my belongings, she was still playing the push/ pull mind games, started of being nice saying how are you, hows the family? hope your all ok, then started being mean saying things like lifes not looking to good for you right now is it? with a big smile on her face, the whole time she was saying this i was laughing, and took it as a pinch of salt, she then says btw Holly (her 3 year old daughter) was asking for you the other day, she knows how close i was with her! she then says me and the kids were looking at old pictures of us together the other day (she has a bf) then goes on to say i still go on your FB i know what your up to (Shes blocked me on FB).  Then after all of this says, well you have your stuff back now so theres no reason for you to ever contact me again, im bored of talking to you now bye. The whole time she was saying this she was smiling at me just like she would during the relationship.  I smiled back and said take care bye.

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this? I laughed and went along with her because i didnt want to be seen as weak.

Mental illness. It the only explanation that fits.

[BlackandBlue]

what the heck were we dating the same woman or something? Mine has me blocked on everything except gmail. I have also seen that smirk when I was extremely wounded even suicidal and she knew this and continued to kick me while I was down. I dont understand this at all. Even children do not behave that cruel. I cannot remember one instance of childhood of someone seeing someone broken amd them attacking them viciously like this. It hurts bro amd this is coming from people that want all the empathy in the world. Everytime I think I understand and reach some sort of acceptance I keep being thrown backwards by my own mind. This is a nasty disorder bro. Its like a black hole of destruction searching for good people to rip to pieces.

I know what you guys are going throu. My exBPDgf ran me into the ground so bad that I attempted to take my life twice... .In fact she dumped me because of it. She said she shouldn't be dealing with someone who is suicidal,  she should be having fun instead. I feel so betrayed because of this... .she is what put me into that dark place to make those attempts. I tried being friends afterward but it just couldn't work. She would be nice to me at times but then she would get so mean and nasty with me! I don't know she could say that stuff to me knowing that I just recently tried taking my life... .talk about kicking someone when they're down! These people have hearts cold as stone!

I might be down for now and so might you but trust. She did not leave because you were suicidal. She knows she ran you into the ground. This is not her first rodeo. I've read enough and seen enough to know the theme is the same. The theme is damage and run. I have never had my mind cracked from a relationship before and they have cracked minds before whether it is intentional or not intentional they have seen the damage they do. Theyre hearts are not cold as stone. They would like you to believe it is but they are not sociopaths they do feel in fact they feel too much.

Do you really think thats the case? I'm always racking my brain trying to figure the whole thing out. She always said she loved me but a time when I need help she leaves? That doesn't sound like love to me.  I'm embarrassed that I made those attempts but I was under so much stress from her... .I felt so hopeless and broken. As for the smiling thing,  one of my other ex's who I think had BPD used to do it. I never understood it... .smiling at someone who is completely devastated.

[outside9x]

Why does it seem they walk out of one relationship into another.  No problem.  Yes, I am in a relationship but I struggle at times because of my BPDexg.  That's not fair to my new GF or me, and I know I have to change that real SOON, but it amazes me how they just go to the next

[jammo1989]

Why does it seem they walk out of one relationship into another.  No problem.  Yes, I am in a relationship but I struggle at times because of my BPDexg.  That's not fair to my new GF or me, and I know I have to change that real SOON, but it amazes me how they just go to the next

Outside9x, I strongly suggest you read this topic i posted a few days ago, It will answer all your questions, and should halt your confusion.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234184.0

I also want you to read through this as well

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234390.0

[freedom33]

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this?

Because she is unpredictable and her behaviour is 100% emotions based and driven by a random chaotic process that cannot be explained logically. In short what we 'd call CRAZY! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

[jammo1989]

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this?

Because she is unpredictable and her behaviour is 100% emotions based and driven by a random chaotic process that cannot be explained logically. In short what we 'd call CRAZY! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

Nail on the head right there, best response ive ever had! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

AMEN!

[Blimblam]

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this?

Because she is unpredictable and her behaviour is 100% emotions based and driven by a random chaotic process that cannot be explained logically. In short what we 'd call CRAZY! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

Nail on the head right there, best response ive ever had! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

AMEN!

This is true. 

If you trully want to know and understand it will drive you mad. Schizotypal, it will find the crack in your mind. 

It can also be explained objectively the way the way a psychopath understands things. Not to say if you observe it objectively and identify the mechanism you are a psychopath.  It is a much safer route though.  Within the current paradigm would be considered "healthy".

[Infared]

Why on earth did she smile at me in the flirty sense just like she did when we were together? she told me to never contact her again, and she had the biggest grin on her face, can someone please help me understand this?

Because she is unpredictable and her behaviour is 100% emotions based and driven by a random chaotic process that cannot be explained logically. In short what we 'd call CRAZY! If you are a rational and understanding driven person you will naturally keep trying to understand this. And you will in the end... .by becoming crazy yourself.

+1000... .so sad that it's the truth. ... move away from it and save you.