Confused76
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 27
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« on: March 18, 2014, 01:10:41 PM » |
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*EDIT* This ended up significantly longer then I had planned, apparently I had some thoughts to get out! Skip to the last 2 paragraphs if you want to get to my question regarding lazy communication.
Hey Gang!
So I have been away from the boards for 6 months. Guess what, I decided to put myself through another 6 months of emotional torture. I have lost count of how many times we have recycled (to some degree). If you are interested in the first part of the story, check out my previous posts. I am going to do my best to give a quick summary of the last 6 months.
We broke up at the end of July, after I found used condoms (not mine) in her waste can. I confronted her about that, and 2 other lies she had told me. We part ways, block each other on FB etc... . I thought it was all over, time to lick my wounds and move on. I was wrong! About a week later she emails me, apologizing for the lies (regarding relationships with men before me). She doesn't really offer a sincere apology, just saying she had been lied to in the past, and that she imitated what she knew. She believed her lies were white lies, saving me from being concerned that she was still friends with past lovers blah blah blah. She explained that the condoms were from a male friend that stayed at her house with his GF. Like an idiot, I ate these explanations up like a well cooked steak! I did not want to believe that this fragile little creature was capable of such horrendous character flaws.
We began to explore moving forward with our relationship, what we would have to do to over come the hurdles that are in front of us. She agreed to all my suggestions: transparency, access to phone (mine and hers), talking nightly, exploring therapy. Of course, none of this ever happened, they were just empty promises. We went through the motions for about a month, till I discovered she was active on the dating site that we had met on. Through FB I found a man she had met online, and started a text relationship with. I reached out to him, and we discussed the situation. He had no awareness of me, she never said she was in a relationship. They had never met, not due to his attempts. He consistently asked her out, but she continued to give him excuses. He told me everything, all timelines, and even confirmed other lies she had been telling me (i.e. where she was on weekends). Again, I confront her, about this gentlemen. When I ask her who he is, first thing out of her mouth is "he is a very sad, pathetic, little man". It was creepy, she was almost like another person for a split second. She immediately starts back peddling, saying he was just a friend, that he was nice to her, etc. She even lied about the timeline, saying that they started talking before we even met. She said the reason she went back on the dating site to look for me, cause she thought I was cheating. None of it added up, and when I stated the lies regarding the timeline of events, I get "Sorry, I am just not good with dates". So again, we are done, NC, heal, etc... .
Another month goes by, I get an email, she wants to send a DVD back, can she please have my address. I respond with my address, that is it! A little bit later I get the response of how much she misses me, how much I meant to her, and that she has never felt this level of despondency in her like before. She had gone to her GP and started on anti-depressants and a script for sleep aids (always her biggest complaint, not able to sleep). She also stated that she had an upcoming appointment with a T. Against my better judgment, I started talking to her again, thinking she was finally making the effort to make changes in her life. She kept her distance from me, saying she had to fix herself before she could work on us (anyone else ever hear that crap?). So from mid-September through February we barely interacted. We saw each other a few times, we would text from time to time. When I would ask what are we doing, what she is getting from this relationship, I would get "I don't know" or "I need to fix me first". She even vanished for 3 weeks around the holidays, and when she appeared again she states that she thought I was the same guy that she had had an emotional relationship with. Basically she was saying, that she thought I had constructed a fake dating profile, a fake facebook profile, fake number for texting, and even had a male friend call her pretending to be someone he's not. I just accepted this as more of her instability, forgot about it, moved on. Also, I'd like to state, by this time she has been on maybe 3 different anti-depressants, none of them helping.
Fast forward to about a month ago, she informs me she has moved. She is renting a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, for a great price. However, she needs to leave it, because it doesn't feel like home. She moves 30 minutes north, to another town, away from her job, and even farther away from me. She moves in with another man (same man from previous post that took her to Vegas and gave her a car), and says she is going to stay there for 2 months, save up some money, then move (yet to where, she has no idea). Note, she told me this 2 days after she actually already moved, saying she decided to do it last minute, having no where else to go (has a a brother and parents that live in the first town). She swears that there is nothing between her and her male roommate, he is just helping out a friend. Oddly, I believe her, yet I don't believe that their relationship has ALWAYS been platonic. She says she cares deeply for me, but can't worry about me while she is basically homeless and so extremely unhappy. I say fine, this is over, I can't continue on like this. You need to fix your life and find away to be happy, and I need to do the same. She says (via text) that she refuses to accept my goodbye, and she will talk to me when she has her own home. I have not replied. About a week into NC, she calls, I ignore, no message. That happens a few times. After another week, I get texts saying "I can't stop thinking about you, wondering if you hate me, what you are doing, etc.", still ignore. Then, last Friday I get this text" Okay, you win. Not talking to me makes you happy and I only want to make you happy. So I guess I'll stop trying to get a hold of you. I miss you. I fell hard for you. I didn't know how to handle it. I probably never told you that you were the reason I would get out of bed every day. You made me feel like I had a purpose in this F'd up world. Living without a purpose is devastating to me. I've been laying down at night thinking that it's okay if I don't ever wake up. You left when I needed you the most, and I understand why. If I don't wake up, I want you to know that I truly loved you and wanted to share a life with you. I'm sorry that I am not good enough for you. All my love, is for you. You are constantly in my thoughts and tears." I saw this text for what it was immediately, an attempt to be emotionally manipulative. All it did was irritate me, and maybe feel sorry for her and how unhealthy she really is. My question to you fine users, has this "lazy communication" been typical in your r/s? She states pretty clearly what she wants/wanted, yet says nothing about what she is willing to do to achieve said goals, it was basically a pity party.
P.S. I should also state, she began what I am fairly sure is a replacement last September. She started visiting another city often, I could tell by her profile pics, and always on the weekends. When I first asked about it, she was having a good day, so she thought she would get out of town. When asked why she couldn't come to my town, it was disclosed she was visiting a sick friend. This was a male friend she had worked with years previously. She claims that she had talked about him in the past, but I have no memory of it (gas-lighting?). Almost every weekend she had to go visit M, because he was in the hospital, dieing from Lyme's disease. Going by her past habits, I'm 99% sure that this fellow is more then just a friend.
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