Anyone run into this?
My ex who is off the charts BPD and has traits of covert narcissism herself, has decided to start a narrative about me (she has many false narratives about me) and say that I am a narcissist.
I did take a look at myself and wonder if any of it was correct. Why not? But I just don’t see it and nor do those around me.
Just seems like yet another tactic by her to project onto me. Has anyone ended here encountered this?
You may have, without knowing it, hit one of the most common things in BPD/NPD relationships! My bet is almost everyone here has experienced this kind of projection. As somebody said above, accusations are confessions. It is SO HARD to wrap your brain around.
I'll give you an example that I've tried to wrap my head around. At 11am the day before going camping with my ex, on one of the two afternoons I had off during the week, I called my ex and told her I wanted to go do the grocery shopping for our camping trip. I knew she had a list of foods she liked to bring camping (it was mentioned in passing once, and I was kinda pleased with myself to for remembering it...and excited to do this for her and show her the love I had for her to remember this detail)
Her response, immediate and very angry, yelling :"you don't want to go grocery shopping! you're just trying to cover your a*s!!"
In no way, shape, or form was I trying to cover my a*s. I had no inkling or thought that I needed to cover my a*s. What had I done that required me to?
After much thought, I realized that the concept of 'covering one's a*s' was on HER mind, was part of HER thinking. Perhaps SHE would try to cover her a*s with a false offer of help or assistance when she didn't really want to do something. Or, she expected that all other people do that because of victim thinking that everyone is out to take advantage of her??
Yes, calling the person a narcissist is very, very common. I experienced that same thing with respect to her ex...he was the narcissist, he was the abuser. My therapist made it very clear to me that I'm not a narcissist, and that HER words and behavior were very consistent with someone with BPD/NPD.