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I will admit to feeling mad at him for reaching out to you when he 'needed' you, even while he was with the other person, but especially now that the other person is gone. I would hate for you to get hurt again, but it seems like you are doing very well with you emotions.
Thanks for your reply, jaded! I think that I would feel the same way if a friend was in my position. As I mentioned, I am working with a therapist now, and hopefully over time this will help with my perspective which I am aware often doesn`t put me in a secure position.
I am grateful for this community. Things with my ex are up and down. That is the baseline. For example, he started the day by saying we can`t be friends, later explaining it`s because he doesn`t want to become dependent on me, and finally called to apologize and thank me for being there. I recognize that I didn`t react as I once would, and I`m happy with that. I recognize that the anxiety that I felt in the past when he`d make this sort of announcement isn`t out of love or fear of missing him entirely; I get anxious because of the unknown of when if how he will contact me again. I think that`s something I want to work on; being okay if he did leave for good. Things have definitely shifted on my end, towards what exactly I`m not sure. I remember when I started posting on this forum, I hoped that after a few months everything would `smooth over`, and an indication of doing better would be that I didn`t post as much. What I`m finding instead is that I post here regardless. The relationship will not reach a perfectly pleasant state where I don`t to some extent benefit from a support group. The ups and downs come with the territory of these interactions.