She finally blocked me on Facebook, is that a good thing?

[naguma]

After roughly three months of no contact, my ex blocked me on Facebook. Just found out today. Every once in a while I put her name in the search bar to see if she still shows up.

For some reason this felt like something that would mean something. Thought it would feel like she finally moved past.

But the problem is, recently I removed the final posts involving her on my Facebook. She seems to have blocked me almost immediately after that. I have not been to her page in a while so no idea what she is up to. But the timing is worrisome.

After the break up I caught her stalking me a few times, she even sent her new boyfriend once (how she convinced him, no idea?). Right before moving away, on my way home from work one night she drove by in her new car and the expression on her face was "look how good I am doing" - completely ignored her and realized it was time to move. (she knew my work schedule)

She has a history of violence including a few times where she attempted to kill me.

I waited to remove those final posts because I was told that could trigger her. Now I am worried that is exactly what happened.

Should I be worried or is it more likely that was the final straw that broke the connection?

[enlighten me]

I don't think the connection is ever broken with them. mine contacted me 21 years after we first broke up.

I think it is more likely that she has done it in a tit for tat way. Or that she doesn't want you to see what is going on with her. It could be that she wants you to think things are going great and her fb will show it as something else or she doesn't want you to know what is happening in the hope that it wont make you feel bad towards her.

[hashtag_loyal]

I waited to remove those final posts because I was told that could trigger her. Now I am worried that is exactly what happened.

I think you are probably correct that this did trigger her, and she retaliated by completely blocking you.

Hopefully that will be the extent to the retaliation. Who knows? Don't be surprised if she unblocks you next week. Or doesn't. Trying to predict pwBPD behavior is a losing proposition.

[JRT]

Social media for a pwBPD seems to be one way to 'work' the aftermath. After suddenly breaking up with me and disappearing, not only did she block me on FB (as well as the phone, text, email), she unfriended each and every person who she had met through me and THEN (somehow) convinced all of her family and friends to block or delete me as well. It was to a level of importance that she must have done it while driving away from the house with her belongings!

That was well over a year ago ans she is still at work convincing stragglers to unfriend me! As if, at this point, it really mattered but it really says something... .what specifically, I am not sure. She is still thinking about me? She is a very angry person? She holds a grudge? Its difficult to say isn't it? Everything is a guessing game with them especially after the fact. Dunno why they do stuff like this. It sure doesn't say 'I'm over you and I am indifferent' as they seem intend does it?

[JQ]

naguma,

I would agree with enlighten me ... .my first exBPDgf stalked me until I threaten federal law enforcement since I was a federal employee ... .for 20 yrs i thought she was gone, move on until recently when she "ran into" my mother and talked her into getting my phone number ... .and she released the flying monkey's once again ... ."FLY MONKEY'S FLY!"  And the stalking started once again.  Thank god for smart phones ... .now I can just block her text & calls without changing my number ... .I have no elusions ... .I wouldn't be shocked if she showed up on my front door sometime in the future. She too had a history of violence ... .she's in law enforcement with access to weapons ... .it's the reason why I now have a CCW permit. I'M NOT SAYING YOUR'S WOULD DO THAT!  Just relating how my situation was similar to yours with the history of violence among others.

I would also agree with enlighten me for the reason, "tit for tat" ... .if you have decided to go NC then lock down your FB and block her as well. It's like enlighten me is saying, she's trying to make you miss her by wondering what is going on with her and her life ... .BPD have attachment issues ... .they keep "trophies" from the relationship ... .if you gave her a teddy bear ... .or some other object she will keep it around all the time, if you're gone, NC, out of her life,  she can see the teddy bear or other object and think you're not really gone. I agree with hashtag too ... .don't be surprised if within the week or two she unblocks you, text you, call & hang up, drives by does something to reach out to you once the engulfment fear has subsided & the abandonment fear kicks back in ... .

then she releases them ... ."FLY MONKEY'S ! FLY!"

J

[WuTanger100]

My ex used Social Media as a weapon and a tool. She always told me she never liked to put stuff about her relationships on Facebook as she liked to keep her private life... .private. At first I thought that was fair enough.

She ended up putting nice pictures of things I did for her up on FB. I left her flowers and chocolates outside her door one day and she posted the pic she took. However, a few weeks later I noticed she had deleted it and another lovey-dovey status about me. It was further down her newsfeed and she probably thought I wouldn't notice. When I asked her about this she told me she didn't want to hurt a guy's feelings that she worked with (and had dated and slept with and who was still hanging about which caused arguments between us). I didn't understand why she would put his feelings before my own.

A few days before we split up I noticed she had untagged herself in pictures with me and other guys she had been with. A couple of days later I found out she had been chatting to and lining a new guy up. The untagging of photos was to create the impression for this new guy that there hadn't been many guys in her past. She's now seeing and sleeping with this new guy.

At first this hurt me but I actually now use it for clarity that something is mentally and emotionally wrong with her.

[cloudten]

I don't think the connection is ever broken with them. mine contacted me 21 years after we first broke up.

I think it is more likely that she has done it in a tit for tat way. Or that she doesn't want you to see what is going on with her. It could be that she wants you to think things are going great and her fb will show it as something else or she doesn't want you to know what is happening in the hope that it wont make you feel bad towards her.

ugh that doesn't make me feel good! My restraining order is only 18 months. . 20 and 21 years I cannot imagine.  his employee actually told me last night that we should just come back to it after we have married other people. wth.

I have to agree with you though that the connection is never broken. Makes me wonder why I am trying so hard to break it. maybe it is just my lot in life to be abused and killed.

it is probably tit for tat. she wants to hurt you the way you hurt her. I try to remember that they are 5 emotionally. It's something a 5 year old would do. You should have blocked her first, then removed everything. Just do yourself the favor of blocking everything and everyone now. block block block. it hurts. i know it hurts. but block friends, block friends of friends. block everyone with a tie. across all platforms. You need the separation for you. It is not possible to be friends with anyone remotely involved.

[zundertowz]

I don't think the connection is ever broken with them. mine contacted me 21 years after we first broke up.

I think it is more likely that she has done it in a tit for tat way. Or that she doesn't want you to see what is going on with her. It could be that she wants you to think things are going great and her fb will show it as something else or she doesn't want you to know what is happening in the hope that it wont make you feel bad towards her.

ugh that doesn't make me feel good! My restraining order is only 18 months. . 20 and 21 years I cannot imagine.  his employee actually told me last night that we should just come back to it after we have married other people. wth.

I have to agree with you though that the connection is never broken. Makes me wonder why I am trying so hard to break it. maybe it is just my lot in life to be abused and killed.

it is probably tit for tat. she wants to hurt you the way you hurt her. I try to remember that they are 5 emotionally. It's something a 5 year old would do. You should have blocked her first, then removed everything. Just do yourself the favor of blocking everything and everyone now. block block block. it hurts. i know it hurts. but block friends, block friends of friends. block everyone with a tie. across all platforms. You need the separation for you. It is not possible to be friends with anyone remotely involved.

Initially that is what I did, blocked anyone remotely connected to me ex.  But the truth is if your on social media she can find you and contact you weather she is blocked or not.  Deleting FB and all social media personally was very freeing to me, along with changing e-mail and phone number.  You can disappear if you want too... just depends on how bad you want it.

[JQ]

Group,

Cloud ten, I traveled 1/2 way across the country to help my mother during a medical issue ... .they were partnered up to try to get me to sleep with her!!  It was the most insane thing I've ever seen ... .these two ill people teaming up for me to cave in ... .but even after all that time ... .no matter how good the sex would of been ... .it wasn't worth what I would of giving up of myself ... .I have morals ... .standards. In my mothers house she lost it ... .started yelling ... .I stood there looking at her ... .no response in facial or verbally which i really think pissed her off because she ended up assaulting me ... .which i just let go. She opened up all the cage doors & the flying monkey's were let loose to wage havoc & chaos!  My mother who is also BPD told me you should just sleep with her ... .it's just sex ... .this coming from my mother ... .like minded people tend to flock together. Soon afterwards I left the state and haven't been back since ... .no offers have been extended for thanksgiving next week and I"m not inviting myself. I'm in a much better place then I was 20 years ago ... .her flying monkey's are HER flying monkey's     

I would agree with third eye in that shutting down all aspects of social media isn't a bad thing if at all possible & is very liberating ... .free's your soul ... .to know that you're not addicted to it ... .that you're not controlled by your phone ... .next time you're in public just take a moment and look around at everyone who has their face buried in their phone and not actually communicating with the people their with ... .shut it down, discontinue your current accounts and start another one with another name vise yours ... .hell use your great grandfather's name ... .LOL. But open it up WITH VERY VERY VERY LIMITED ACCESS TO WHO YOU WANT AS FRIENDS! I don't know if you can totally disappear ... .my first exBPDgf remembered my SSN ... .she opened up a electric utility account under my name ... .until I found it on my credit report that I check 4 times a year. She is in law enforcement and can track me easily with the tools and "friends" she would do favors for in order to stalk me ... .but she also knows I carry too ... .muahhaaha ... .sorry to evil? 

Cloud ten ... .not to worry ... .R/S can be reinstated ... .you'll be in a much better place then when it was first put in place. It's going to be fine 

naguma ... .just shut down your social media for a while ... .until the worse of your feelings are over and you've moved on ... .it can be temporary ... .but in the end I think it might help you move on and help in a small way to heal from what you've been through ... .then when you're least expecting it after you heal yourself ... .a wonderful person is going to show up in you life and it's going to be a wonderful thing

[enlighten me]

I don't think the connection is ever broken with them. mine contacted me 21 years after we first broke up.

I think it is more likely that she has done it in a tit for tat way. Or that she doesn't want you to see what is going on with her. It could be that she wants you to think things are going great and her fb will show it as something else or she doesn't want you to know what is happening in the hope that it wont make you feel bad towards her.

ugh that doesn't make me feel good! My restraining order is only 18 months. . 20 and 21 years I cannot imagine.  his employee actually told me last night that we should just come back to it after we have married other people. wth.

I have to agree with you though that the connection is never broken. Makes me wonder why I am trying so hard to break it. maybe it is just my lot in life to be abused and killed.

I wouldn't worry too much. I wasn't aware of BPD when I was young and I wasn't aware of it when she contacted me again. Its only since that I have learnt about it and if I knew all those years ago what I know now I would have ignored her when she got in touch again. She would have moved onto her next target I left me alone.

[pumpkin79]

Hi Naguma,

I read your original post and my ex has done the same thing to me.  She defriended me on fb about 4 months after she ditched me and 2 months after totally stopping talking to me.  I know she has started dating someone and they are now living together after knowing each other for less than 3 months!  Unbelievable.   I too have been wondering why it took her months to fb defriend me after she went cold on me.  The defriending happened right after I posted scenery pics from hiking.  I guess seeing the pics triggered her to defriend me and I'm guessing if your ex blocked you after you removed posts from her it may have triggered her as well.  I have been analyzing why she would defriend me after so long and the only reasons I can think of are 1.  she doesn't want me to see what's going on in her life and new relationship and 2. maybe she fels some guilt and or shame by seeing my name pop up.  Maybe your ex doesn't want you to see what's going on in her life or in your case maybe she wants your attention.  it sounds like your ex is playing with you.