Hi bunnybee! I am sorry about the circumstances that brought you here, but glad you`re sharing your story with us. A lot of us here can relate to elements in your story. Through posting here, it is possible to gain a lot of insight and grow both as an individual and as a partner.
I`m sorry if I missed this, but is your partner diagnosed with BPD?
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It sounds like you care a lot about your partner, and want to understand a pattern of behaviours that results from your dynamic.
First, from reading your post, it seems like the pattern boils down to :
he wants to spend a lot of time with you → he doesn`t want to be around you anymore, refuses to speak to you → you aren`t sure what to do → a day or two passes, then everything is back to `normal`
Would you agree with this sequence? Would you modify anything?
We cannot control how people react. However, by gaining insight into the pattern that occurs, how it makes
you feel, and what
you can control, a lot of the unpleasant feelings on your end can be mitigated.
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A lot of changes going on for us right now such as moving into a new place, and a new job with hours where we will not be seeing eachother much.
These new elements can also be contributing to increased levels of stress. It`s important to keep in mind the situational aspect of things. In the past, how have things gone when something `new` was introduced into your lives?
Looking forward to reading your answer! Feel free to respond with as little or as much detail as you feel comfortable with. Everyone has their own process and pace, take your time to settle in and be patient with yourself!