Hi Graveyard_tan and
Wow, coping with a spouse with a PD, who has an ex with a PD... probably feels like you just can't catch a break. (My H's kids' mom has many BPD traits and married someone with many NPD traits, so I get that it's a
lot to deal with).
It seems like every 4-6 months something catastrophic happens.
Totally relatable. It makes it so hard to get yourself back to baseline or anywhere close. I really hear how this has done a number on you.
Our joint bank accounts were just frozen because of his child support lien and I had to open a new bank account. I'm in complete reaction. My emotions are all over the place. He has two children with his ex-wife, and she is a malignant narcissist. She hates me. I'm her target of blame.
It's good you can recognize you're in "survival mode" right now. What's also good is that even in "survival mode", you are reaching out here for some support to make it thru. In terms of support, have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist at all? Even with this group, I've needed both an individual T and then my H and I have seen a marriage counselor to get through.
I don't think many couples go into marriage thinking "wow, I hope we get to a point where we have to separate our finances". Not what anyone wants, yet in the realities we're given, sometimes we only have undesirable choices to stabilize things.
He is so consumed with shame, I realize. So much so that he doesn't even apologize for these incidents. It's like he can't bring it up because he wants to pretend it never happened.
Is that about the bank accounts?
...
What a stressful situation. While it can be overwhelming, know that this is a place where you can share what's really going on with others who have walked that path, too, and can help you find new ways thru the stress.
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When did your H get diagnosed with BPD? And is he accepting of the diagnosis?
