Hi Maryna,
the behavior of your husband kicking you out without notice is not an acceptable in a marriage. He seems to have serious issues as you have noticed when you joined him in the US. While your marriage is important it is vital that you make sure you have and maintain a safety net you can fall back on. At the moment it is not really a question so much of whether you look weak or not - you asked this - it is a question of not being weak as a fact. Only with your feet fully grounded you will be strong enough to set boundaries.
Now he decided that our friends have to coach us who is right. I do not feel like I want and do not believe it will help. I do not know what should I ask him, how talk to him and what to ask for.
You husband may be delusional i.e. believes that it happens the way he told it. Although he will probably remember changing the locks and that does not fit so well with his fiction. He may simply tell the made up story in order to protect his ego as he may feel ashamed of what he did. Instead of owning up others are drawn in desperate hope that somehow it works out. He does not seem to have a rationale plan how to get out of the hole he dug.
It is excellent you are writing things down. When things get crazy writing stuff down helps to clarify your thoughts. But don't send it - it won't help and likely backfires.
Of course his ex was a good women. As you are. She still is like you are. His view of other people can be extreme and change rapidly. Pursuing admiration of a pwBPD is a loosing game - we loose respect and self respect in that chase. To reverse course we need working on respect and self respect first and foremost.
So, what you can advice me, do I need agree to coaching with friends or it is stupid action and will show my weakness?
Without somehow re-establishing communication it won't get better so at some point you got to talk with each other. How safe do you feel with this friend of his? Can you take one friend of yours along? Can you meet in a public place? If you don't want to come across as weak then you got to feel safe. Think hard about what it would mean for the first talk would fail and get comfortable with that - you won't be able to feel strong if you can't walk from a talk. Read up on boundaries and time-outs.
At the moment you are stuck with thinking about what has happened. What are the true facts. As if establishing the truth would magically fix the situation. The fact is - the truth in the past matters little. The future is determined by your behavior now and in the future. Agreements struck in the past were possibly broken and agreements with him struck in the near future are likely to fare the same unless there are tangible changes in your behavior that prevent it. I don't want to rob you hope here only focus your energy on things you control. Agreement where you have some sort of control - often only limited and ultimate e.g. by taking a timeout etc. are of value. Again read up on boundaries. Boundaries are necessary for respect. Boundaries are key to reduce rage.
Past facts matter little and boundaries need to be under your control. There is plenty of stuff that one would like to control and can not. Still we have powerful techniques that let us influence others if we put our mind to communicating in a way that maximizes impact. You can read up on communication e.g. here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=221022.0 . When it comes to emotions likely he is right now - depressed, confused, ashamed, angry, feeling guilty, uncertain, lonely etc. . It helps to think through how to validate him in for him meaningful ways.
I just want everything work out.
Work out how? Just like it was before? What effort are you willing to put in?
