What will he do with photos of us and things left behind?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm going through old photos on my computer when I came across several of him that I cannot bear to delete just yet.  Then the thought struck... . what has he done with all of the MILLION pictures he took of me/us? What do you guys think?  :)o they just hit delete or do you  think they hang on to them?

I'd love to think if he happened to be scrolling through old pics and saw one of me that HE took, that his heart would nearly jump out of his mouth and he would feel like crying... . pfft!  Wishful thinking I know  

[UnLuckyLady]

I'm going through old photos on my computer when I came across several of him that I cannot bear to delete just yet.  Then the thought struck... . what has he done with all of the MILLION pictures he took of me/us? What do you guys think?  :)o they just hit delete or do you  think they hang on to them?

I'd love to think if he happened to be scrolling through old pics and saw one of me that HE took, that his heart would nearly jump out of his mouth and he would feel like crying... . pfft!  Wishful thinking I know  

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex told me more than once that she throws away everything from a relationship when it ends, a purging.  When I think about all the things I gave her, and the emotions I felt when I bought her something special with my heart in the right place, it's sad, the death of a dream. But only the death of that dream, not my capacity to dream, the next gal will get the same treatment, and here's hoping it works out a whole lot better.

[Perfidy]

LUCKYlady? Sweetie?... . .

[myself]

My ex didn't have much left from old r/s. From what she told me, she had various reasons why she had to get rid of things, not that she decided to. Even while erasing her past she saw herself as victim.

[CoasterRider]

Who knows and we shouldn't care. You can most certainly count on the fact he won't react the way you want him to. You forget borderlines don't think the way we do. More than likely and sight of them will follow a devaluing thought just to reassure himself you were the one with the problem, not him. Classic denial and defensiveness of a borderline. I willingly gave my ex all our photos and anything else sentimental he gave me during the r/s my initial hope is it would play to some sense of guilt or regret, but they don't ever have any... . worth a try but doesn't matter anymore.

How he reacts to y'all's past is his problem now, not yours just remember that.

[Perfidy]

 Lucky... I know for a fact that different people will behave differently about sentiment. The monster I was with had zero. I can only speak from my experience and would not be able to do anything except guess how your ex would react to photos and things left behind. You know him better than anybody. How do you think he would react?

[UnLuckyLady]

Well, Perfidy, I'm a bit confused as to how he might react.  You see, he never raged at me. Ever.  I have yet to tell my full story on the board, but to sum it up... .

He wanted to get married (after 7 months of being together)... . I was hesitant because of  I had already seen.  He then, a week later, told me he was moving to Germany (I'm in the US) for a job for 2 years, and that he wanted more than anything for us to make it work. I was dumbfounded.  I then felt him pulling away emotionally until he actually left.  Hear nothing for two months.  I emailed him in November and he seemed so happy to hear from me and wanted to catch up.  Once he got the vibe that I was still into him and (gag) I apologized for the demise of our r/s (obviously still in the FOG)... . his attitude changed and he no longer responded to my texts or emails as quickly.  Never ignored me, but made it obvious he was too busy.  He ended up telling me that I was gorgeous, smart, funny blah blah and that a man would be as blessed as he was to have me. What the heck? The communication fizzled out and I haven't heard nor contacted him for nearly 3 weeks.  The conversations became SO fake and shallow... . It was hurting me knowing his feelings for me had done a total 180.

Sorry... . I just went on and on totally off subject.  That was the first post unveiling my situation... . and I realize that I got lucky and God winked at me by making him move to another continent.  Just wonder sometimes if he gets that tinge in his gut like I do.  Shouldn't care (ugh!)  but I do... .

[Tausk]

I saw mine throw out all memories of her ex with whom she had lived with for seven years.  At the time, she said it was because she loved me so much.  I took it as a compliment because we were so perfect for each other.  But I know now it's because she could not understand how she could have partial memories with someone else and be with me.  In fact, she barely could remember that she was supposed to be with me if I wasn't around.

Her own memories were like that of a shoebox full of unorganized postcards.  Certain ones would flash out at her at various times.  But she did not have a continuous flow of experiences upon which to draw and learn.  It's a tribute to her that she is able to function in society at all (Ph.D).  But it also means a never ending cycle of an inability for reflection and to take responsibility for ones actions.  Change is impossible with experiential memories and learning.

I keep this hard fact in mind of who she really is because, I know that she has done the same disposal with all of our memories.  She has painted me black and forgotten me, and discarded as much as she can so that she can flee to her new attachment.  She can barely even remember cheating on me with him, because in her mind now, she was really always with him.  I'm in her does not compute part of her psyche, along with all the other jumbled memories and psychosis.

And sadly, I still harbor pieces of malignant hope that she'll come around and see me as her one true love     

But, I know that I was just then next guy in line at the dance, and now she's moved on to someone new.  The only question is why did I get in line, and why did I think I was the only guy left on the dance floor.

[Tausk]

Change is impossible without experiential memories.

Sorry, no modify button on my posts.  Does anyone know why?

[Moonie75]

Many pwBPD 'tell you' they don't keep stuff from past relationships. They make claim that they have totally moved on! They brag about how they need nothing of the last relationship with the evil ex!

You might struggle to believe this, but some pwBPD sometimes, occasionally, tell lies!

Reality is they often struggle with returning our things. They fear a total detachment. They can't truly let go. They remove things, rearrange & even replace. But the objects connecting us to them are kept! Maybe boxed up, hidden, out of site but they're there!

My ex claimed she kept nothing from her past relationships. Then one night when her roof was leaking, I headed to her attic to see what was what. Low & behold, Aladdin's cave of ex's things & object they'd gifted to her!

[growing_wings]

i have experience something similar to Moonie...

i saw mine flick through photos a lot, durign the day... . photos is what kept memories. she would see them more often than anyother person i have seen. She also took  a million of photos of me! i guess is to have the memories as they have difficulty with keeping them.

they remove you from "sight" but they keep some the stuff... . to keep attached (in my experience)

[DiamondSW]

My exBPDgf kept the lot.  In the end she had some nice shirts of mine, aftershave, jewellery, books with inscriptions, sweet gifts, even a football! 

It felt good posting everything she ever gave me back to her.  It's all rattling around her hall of residence room and it's too valuable to bin so she's stuck with it probably wedged under her bed.   

All i've got is 6 photos logged on my hard drive.  Unless I go into 'pictures', she's 100% gone from my life.  Oh and I have her CV saved too... . full of lies/bs about her work experience. 

It was a good way of moving on from day 1.  I wouldn't want anything she gave me anyway now.  All feels tainted now I know abt BPD.

[love4meNOTu]

hi ULL-

My exhwBPD never kept anything from his previous relationships.

I too, have removed all traces of him from my life, I do think it helps. I don't want any reminders of that time in my life.

A very expensive lesson learned.

L

[Pretty Woman]

They usually keep something special you don't know about, a trinket or gift.

[Cimbaruns]

I know that mine got rid of everything in her house(we had 2 houses)... . I visited her daughters over Christmas and there was a nary a trace of "us" to be found.  ANYWHERE

I held onto things in the last 2 recycles we had but have since removed them all since our final split... .

I cannot even look at anything so it was best to remove it... .

It may sound harsh to some here... . but I think most would agree

[Starlight607]

Some interesting posts. And got me thinking. I have belongings of my ex BPD bf in my garage in a bin liner. Not sentimental stuff but practical bits and pieces. It's like he wants to just leave them here just in case. But I have moved on so don't really care. However something has always fascinated me about my ex and that is he takes some photos, and I did stumble across some pictures of the girl he replaced me with several times in situations of undress, but he never had any photos up and around the house of anyone! Not even his Family. And yet he claimed to be such a family orientated man. Cards he was given when he was made redundant Wishing him well were thrown in the bin that same evening. Does this all connect with the fact he has no real friends? I have to say he completely baffles me so I have no clue if he has kept photos of me or pressed delete. I am painted completely black at the moment and glad to be so which could mean anything!

[mywifecrazy]

I was married to my uBPDxw for 18 years. She up and left me and my two sons 14 & 9. Didn't take any personal belongings not one picture. Not even a picture of the boys when they were babies. I thought this was very strange but when I read more on this site about pwBPD it made sense to me as she already portrayed me as evil and I guess not taken any pictures is just her way of trying to erase the past. And too bad now if she changes her mind because the settlements over and all the pictures are now Mine. I plan on putting any picture with her in t in a box for my sons when they get older. The strange behavior actually helped me come to the realization that the person I loved... . Never really existed!

[let-it-go]

I am filing for divorce from my hwBPD this week.  We just separated about 3 months ago.  Since we have 2 children together, we will not ever be completely rid of each other... . anyway, on your topic -

For Christmas I gave him a photo album that covered all of our 16 years together.  It took me hours to put it together and get the duplicate photos made.  And like you I wonder... . will he keep it?  will he ever even look at it? 

Why did I give it to him... . 2 reasons.  1) I wanted my kids to be able to see pictures of their mom when they are there, if they want to.  and 2) I want him to see those photos and ache for what he lost.  I don't guess that will happen, I'll never  know if he does look at it that way as he won't admit it.  I think he will tuck the album away somewhere and rarely if ever pull it out.  There are times when he is real and seems to have real feelings.  I think that photo album will be too painful of a reminder for him... . good.