Facebook, To Block or Not to Block

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

What would the advice by when a ex BPD Women unblocks you on Facebook after a couple of years after they blocked you because you happen to stand up for yourself and call them out on their behaviour. This person is a mutual friend with a couple of mine so she will notice very quickly if I return the favour and block her. Before any advice I will make one thing clear. Under no circumstances do I ever want this person back into my life, time away clears your thoughts and makes you see people for what they are and I really don't like her. My ex is a drama queen type, pretty, full of false make up and tan, a ego that can be easily bruised. The question Im asking is would it get to her more to return the favour and block her or would she misinterpret that in her warped way that I still care when I don't or will the block bruise her ego that she isn't as special as she thinks she is. So before anyone on here turns it around to say I must still care, trust me I don't, but in anything in life, men, women, relationships, work, If anyone disrespects me than I will get my low blow in return  LOL. So Block or not ?

[Red Devil]

What would the advice by when a ex BPD Women unblocks you on Facebook after a couple of years after they blocked you because you happen to stand up for yourself and call them out on their behaviour. This person is a mutual friend with a couple of mine so she will notice very quickly if I return the favour and block her. Before any advice I will make one thing clear. Under no circumstances do I ever want this person back into my life, time away clears your thoughts and makes you see people for what they are and I really don't like her. My ex is a drama queen type, pretty, full of false make up and tan, a ego that can be easily bruised. The question Im asking is would it get to her more to return the favour and block her or would she misinterpret that in her warped way that I still care when I don't or will the block bruise her ego that she isn't as special as she thinks she is. So before anyone on here turns it around to say I must still care, trust me I don't, but in anything in life, men, women, relationships, work, If anyone disrespects me than I will get my low blow in return  LOL. So Block or not ?

[Lou12]

The best revenge you can get is to move on and not give a hoot what she thinks. That's also a good indication to yourself if you have fully got over her or not! X

[Red Devil]

I most certainly am over her but believe in the old saying a eye for a eye, I don't think these people like other wrong uns should ever get off without a little dig back , hence why Im asking what would get to them most ?

[NCEA]

If you block her now = you still care.

The real eye for an eye would be to send her a friend request, then downgrade her friendship to "follow" status :-)

[Lou12]

Still maintain the best revenge is NC and get on with your life x

[Red Devil]

Ha ha like it but wouldn't risk the friend request not being accepted. Hey now theres another question. If a Ex BPD sends you a friend request, accept or not, theres another debate

[donotunderstand]

Ha ha like it but wouldn't risk the friend request not being accepted. Hey now theres another question. If a Ex BPD sends you a friend request, accept or not, theres another debate

Yes, this happend to me. We split 7 weeks ago. He gave me friend request, and then deleted it. I said to him, not to contact me,... in that time we had few contacts, now we are almost fot 4 weeks in NC.

After that, his ego was ruined, after I left him. Then he blocked me on FB. And on the Christmas Eve, he unblocked me,... after few days I saw that. I don't know if it was right or not, but I couldn't stand it, that he would stalk me on FB, so I blocked him few days ago. I was thinking, to block or not to block him. Probably he thinks I still care. I do care,... it hurst me like a HELL, to know he has found a replacement during our relatinship. But I decided to block him altrought.

[thisworld]

Did you receive a message like "Hello, I'd like us to be friends, or I don't want to block you anymore but how do you feel about this?" etc?

I personally find it very difficult, and a waste of time to participate in whatever these BPD exes do through FB block/unblock. They do things without stating their intention and then it's left to us to crack the codes of their "mysterious" behaviour. If you unblock, she may perceive this as your intention to remain friends or as indifference. You may never know. Same thing for blocking. Why did they unblock you? Who knows? And why are we responsible for trying to understand what they want/think etc? I believe they should take responsibility and explain to us why they want to change a circumstance they initiated. And then we can think whether we want it or not. Since when have FB actions become things that replace proper adult communication?

I would just be proactive, do whatever I want and not care about what they think. Do they think I blocked back because I'm still deeply in love with them? Let them think that. The universe doesn't consist of their thoughts only - luckily! I can't be responsible for anyone's fallacy. Do they want to increase contact because they think I'm still interested? I'd not break NC. Basically, I can only decide what I want and cannot control whatever they think really. I learnt this the hard way.

An ex did this to me once, then I was "granted" the honorable unblock. I was indifferent to either, but I thought, if his approach changed, then he owed me an explanation - I mean where do we stand now? Until that comes, who wants to be unblocked anyway? We had common friends and now he would be able to see my page through friends of friends. Sorry, my page is not the most important possession I have but nobody who pulls a BLOCK comes back without bothering to say a word to me, either. Hence, I blocked back.

We ran into each other at a party and he was about to, just about to start a conversation about why I blocked back - of course with the happy confidence being blocked gave him. I still must have feelings for him! In the meanwhile, I'm still being a difficult person of course:)) I let him ask the question, didn't explain anything and said neutrally I was OK with block, thank you. Period.

When we divorced, my husband and I blocked each other having talked about this (under our circumstances, we both thought it would be wise to do this.) If I wanted to unblock the guy, I would bother to ask him how he felt about it. We can't come and go out of people's lives at a whim. Their opinions matter, too.

 

[izabellizima]

NC 100%

It isn't about revenge. You gotta let them go. You gotta let the part of you that is obsessed with that person go because that part of you is not healthy and it is going to suck the life out of you.

I did not think about it. I robotically blocked her on fb, erased her messages and erased her phone from my contact list. It took me 5 minutes at most to do this. If I could block her from my phone I would have.

I also asked specific friends to not so much as mention her name to me so that I have a safe non ex space for me to go where I do not talk about her.

NC block, do not go looking through her profile... .you do not wanna see the new victim, it will hurt you to know on days you are crying she/he had the best time at some party. Besides, if you go out, have a great time and she is sad, it would be sad for her to see you happy while she's crying.

We are not total a-holes, are we?

Best of luck.

[Red Devil]

Im sorry  but yes nothing would give me more pleasure for her to be sad while Im happy, its time to stop justifying their appalling actions. There wrong and deserve all the hurt they bring upon themselves. They wouldn't care the other way round

[thisworld]

We are not total a-holes, are we?

What does it matter, we will probably be split black anyway

[NCEA]

Im sorry  but yes nothing would give me more pleasure for her to be sad while Im happy, its time to stop justifying their appalling actions. There wrong and deserve all the hurt they bring upon themselves. They wouldn't care the other way round

I feel the same about the PC crap of finding forgiveness etc. we're here to make the world a better place, and the people who make it a worst place should be stopped. My ex clearly told me about hurting other guys before and that she likes to humiliate men. If I could push a button and make her pay for the pain she caused and will continu to cause , I would.

[Red Devil]

Spot on NCEA We speak from the same page

[bAlex]

I'd say not to give too much thought to it, do what you think is best and get on with your life. To me, whenever I blocked her on WhatsApp or something it was always kinda stuck in the back of my head that I was still investing something in her. That knowing feeling in the back of your mind that she's still there, one tab away on my phone, filed under "blocked". It bothered me. Made me feel as though I was hiding, like she had power over me somehow. I just deleted her, and if she would contact me today, I don't think I would even read what she has to say. Delete, in my opinion. As far as Facebook goes however, I just deleted it all together, not because of her though, other reasons.

[donotunderstand]

I just did block him. Because the fact he unblocked me, with no question, as you said, is not human. You can not block one person, and then without asking, again unblock that same person. For me, it is good to stay in NC.

And I don't give a damn, what he thinks, why I did that. That is only my reason. And if he thinks is because I still care for him, it is his deal, not mine.

It is a possibility to meet him anywhere in town, because we live in small town, but I will turn off of him, I'm sure for that.

[NCEA]

Why don't we just made a Facebook group and add all these ___ty people together, and introduce them to each other, and let them date each other and make each other miserable ?

[donotunderstand]

Why don't we just made a Facebook group and add all these ___ty people together, and introduce them to each other, and let them date each other and make each other miserable ?

LOL good one!   

[once removed]

red devil, you say its been a few years. what is there to avenge at this point?

lets try to keep in mind we are talking about someone with a serious mental illness. revenge places you in a drama triangle. is that where you want to be at this point?

[troisette]

"For me, it is good to stay in NC.

And I don't give a damn, what he thinks, why I did that. That is only my reason. And if he thinks is because I still care for him, it is his deal, not mine."

Exactly what I feel DNU.

And Red Devil, concentrate on what's best for you, not expending your energy on how it will affect her or what she will think. Wasted energy, trying to figure the conundrum.