"When a relationship breaks - consider it over /failed - and either leave or go back with a very different plan."
This is true in any reconciliation. That relationship is dead and if you rekindle that r/s without any personal development, it's already doomed. It has to be a new r/s for both partners.
But in the case of recycling with a pwBPD, I can't see how going back with a different plan can work. My mistakes were being too cold and distant, but what would being more loving and close achieve? Given the stories on here, not a lot.
Doesn't the disorder always win, no matter how much we ourselves try to change for the better?
I agree. How much does one have to change to please someone with BPD? I mean sure one can work on things but in my experience no matter what I did it didn't seem to matter, she would always find something negative to latch on to.
Plus wanting to change and compromise should go both ways. If I was willing to make it work the BPD partner should be open to getting some form of help and respecting boundaries. If not I don't think it will work.