New understanding

[ozz7]

I am new to this group  My daughter passed away almost five years ago and I am taking care of her two girls who are 18 and 20.  The older one has been recently identified with BPD and I realize my daughter also had this condition.  I am interested in learning more about how to be helpful as this has been a very stressful time as you may imagine.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Ozz7

Let me be the first to welcome you here.

I am so, so sorry you lost your daughter!  I can only imagine how difficult that was for you... .well... .still is.  To go through something like that and then know you have the added responsibility of getting her children, your grandchildren, through the loss and grieving process too is more than I can fathom. 

From one grandmother to another... .a ((HUG) .

It is good  that your granddaughter has been officially diagnosed.  "It" has been given a name so you will be able to look for the "tools-of-the-trade", so to speak, on how to deal with her behaviours.

You certainly have come to the right place to vent, to learn, to get support.  While all our stories are different, there is always someone who is walking down a similar path... .can truly say, "I know how you feel."

When the time is right for you, hope you can share more of your story.  What lead up to your granddaughter being diagnosed with having BPD.  What are her behaviours? 

You mention that there are 2 granddaughters.  How is this affecting the other one?

So, Ozz7, glad you found us and hope you will feel the same way.  This is a very supportive community.  There is no judging.  We truly do learn from each other.  It is oh so validating to know one is being heard. 

Huat

[Only Human]

Hellow ozz7, I join Huat in welcoming you to BPD Family.

I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I'm glad you are here for support as you learn more about BPD and how you can be helpful to her daughter.

Ask any questions you want, we are here for each other. As Huat said, this is a very supportive community.

~ OH

[ozz7]

Thank you so much for the support - I feel blessed to have found this group.  My daughter turned much of the emotions she felt inwards.  She died at 41 after many years of struggling with alcohol, benzos and bulimia (I only learned of that 6 months before she died of an accidental overdose following surgery).  Many of her physical complaints were from the dangerous combination of bulimia and alcohol.  She also had body dysmorphic disorder and had multiple surgeries.  She was a sweet person, a people pleaser.  Now, I understand how much of the emotions were inward turning.  She would say that her mind would race and she would try to figure out how someone would respond to her.  She would say her inner thoughts were so bad no-one would believe them.  She also had OCD.  I don't know if any of these are typical symptoms of BPD.  I do think that emotional dysregulation is a better description for this condition and that like autism there is a spectrum of intensity.  She attempted suicide before and now I wonder how much of her "accident" was just a giving up.  Life was just so hard for her.  It is overwhelming to imagine that my two granddaughters have different traits but the cutting and attempted suicide fits one of them and the impulsive behavior fits the other one.  I'm working on staying centered myself which isn't always easy.  I have found the compassionate friends support group very helpful and am part of the FB closed page for those who have lost children due to substance use.  Scarily large group of us... .

[Only Human]

I'm glad you've gotten support from Compassionate Friends and the closed FB group. Experts will agree a strong support system is critical. I hope you will settle in and find BPD Family another layer of support as you enter this new chapter, supporting and helping your granddaughters.

Are the girls participating in any support groups? Receiving therapy?

You're right about there being a spectrum of severity with pwBPD. You say your daughter turned her emotions inward, would you say that's also true for your granddaughters?

I'm really glad you're here, ozz7 and I look forward to hearing more about how we can support you.

~ OH