Looking for treatment for 16 year old daughter

[alp1375]

Our daughter is 16 and recently diagnosed with BPD (although we have suspected this was the case for quite a long time). She has had 4 in-patient stays, completed wilderness, and been to a therapeutic boarding school. We are looking for a new therapeutic boarding school that focuses on DBT and BPD specifically. Any suggestions?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[formflier]

I'm so glad you found us.  I'm sure we can provide you with support and education as you adjust to this new phase in your life.

Does your child have a therapist and mental health team right now?  If so can you describe the team to us?

What makes you believe a boarding school is the way to go?

Looking forward to reading your response.  I'll check back later this evening.

Best,

FF

[PearlsBefore]

There are a number of them certainly, McLean (I think it has a comparably impressive/expensive counterpart near VA/DC beltway as I recall), Wellspring, Clearview - I assume (without experience) they tend to attract the...more intense clients, so if your daughter doesn't have experience with cutting or suicide threats then you might want to weigh that fact (but 4 in-patients I assume she's seen the abyss already).

Unfortunately threads like https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=299066.0 - everybody has since gone inactive - although https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=291309.0;all has some great messages to read through. Echoing the one person in there, I will say my own dBPD thought Wilderness was an absolute miracle - completely transformed her (in her 20s)...until it had to end, then was bitter and resentful of all the "drama" and "responsibilities" that existed outside Wilderness - and I suspect missed the thrill of it. At an impasse then, can't live in Wilderness your whole life ("Dear relatives, this year we bought a Wilderness facility, no, we're not taking guests or clients - strictly for home-use. How was your year?"). I'd certainly be curious to hear your daughter's experience with Wilderness.

One major hurdle with any out-of-town program is that it's likely to trigger her abandonment complex even more. If the only way they can view it (even if not true) is "They sent me here to get rid of me/want to change me into a better daughter because they hate me"...then her only two options are to stew in that, or to dissociate. I suppose in a perfect world, you'd be able to send a loved one with her (or a BPD friend) so they're "going together", and it doesn't trigger abandonment paranoia.  That's how we solved the Wilderness issue - sending her alongside someone she trusted.

[alp1375]

Thank you Pearls Before for your suggestions and insight. Clearview and Wellspring appear to be for 18+ and our daughter will turn 17 at the end of the month. We have been seriously considering McLean due to their stellar reputation, just trying to sort out paying for everything out of pocket and up front.

We saw a lot of progress in wilderness, particularly with emotional regulation, but unfortunately the step down program she went to afterward seemed to erase most of it.

I agree that the abandonment issue will most likely rear its ugly head again by sending her to yet another facility. We are hoping to address some of that with her therapist while she is at her current residential program. I'm not really sure how we can avoid it.

[formflier]

What was it about the step down program that didn't work or erased stuff?

Best,

FF

[alp1375]

Thank you Formflier. Our daughter is currently at an assessment center in order to get a definitive diagnosis. She has three weeks left. Her team there consists of a psychiatric nurse, therapist, and psychologist trained in neuropsychology.

Because she is still in high school and academically ambitious, we thought a therapeutic boarding school that focuses on DBT would be a good option. We did DBT before she went to wilderness, but she never would commit to it and utilize the skills she had learned. Plus, I believe she needs to be somewhere that reinforces the skills day in and day out.

We are currently considering McLean's 3East program. It is for a shorter period of time but very intensive. Most of the DBT focused therapeutic boarding schools that have been suggested to us are in either Arizona or Utah. I was looking to hear from people who have had experience with others in different parts of the country.

[wendydarling]

Hi alp1375  

Welcome.  

If you've not come across this yet, here is lbjnltx's inspiring journey to keep you going. Her daughter was younger than your daughter. lbjnltx did what you are doing, explored and asked the questions that mattered, you know your daughter best Residential Treatment: Journal of 12 Month Journey

My DD (dear daughter) was diagnosed at 26, she is now 32. I'm in the UK, so while I'm unable to provide you personal references for therapeutic boarding schools that focus on DBT, I can highly recommend DBT! As you say, providing an environment that reinforces the learning, gently, slowly and patiently. Somewhere your DD feels safe, respected and is willing to engage.

When my DD was diagnosed, the head of mental health recommended she read Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder, Blaise Aguirre. DD read it in one session and said this is me, someone understands. He gave her hope. If I knew then what I know now I'd make that connection with him tout suit, for one session I can imagine receiving the direction we parents are looking for. He's at McLeans, somehow I think you may know that.  

So glad you reached out for support.

WDx