What are the odds of hearing from my expbd again this time?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

How could someone paint you black and 6 days later paint you white...

May also contact while you're still seen as a scapegoat.

It's about looking for control while feeling out of control.

They see themselves this way too. Idealized, devalued, etc.

[myself]

How could someone paint you black and 6 days later paint you white...

May also contact while you're still seen as a scapegoat.

It's about looking for control while feeling out of control.

They see themselves this way too. Idealized, devalued, etc.

[Raybo48]

How could someone paint you black and 6 days later paint you white...

May also contact while you're still seen as a scapegoat.

It's about looking for control while feeling out of control.

They see themselves this way too. Idealized, devalued, etc.

I never wrapped my mind around it like that before.  Thanks.

[Raybo48]

Well, all of you were right.  Two calls (no voicemail) and a text that I deleted and didn't read about an hour ago.   My anxiety levels went through the roof when I saw her number hit my phone... .  6 days ago she threatened a restraining order... .I have not contacted her at all and now she's trying to contact me when we live 1500 miles apart?

Any thought on what the HELL is her major malfunction?   I'm soo upset!

No way she has nice juicy N-supply if she's contacting me THIS SOON after painting me black... .How could someone paint you black and 6 days later paint you white...

You may want to hang on to those texts. You might need them in support of your defense!

I was just thinking the same thing. I would keep all texts and phone records. I would look kind of pathetic to file a restraining order if you have been contacting the person the whole time. It would look crazy time, ... .

Yea, she is crazy time.  Calls me twice, texts me and then threatens a restraining order because she accused me of calling her with a blocked phone number after she contacted me.  I totally ignored her is what I did.  It's probably some sick way for her to get me to respond or something.   She was drunk too because her sister texted me and confirmed.  She's completely out of control.  I don't know anything about restraining orders, but don't you have to show you've been contacted?  They won't see my number anywhere on here phone or in her phone records.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

my ex gf had to put a restraining order (she was BPD funny) on my sociopath ex sounds really dramatic... but anyway... she has to prove beyond a doubt that you have been threatening her and putting her in danger.

she CAN NOT put a restraining order on you just for phone calls and texts. my ex socio... .(I didn't put a restraining order on him myself) has gone text crazy on me... even threatening to KILL me. And I was told that wasn't enough. But they didn't take texts as seriously then as they do now... .

None the less... she would have to prove she could be in danger b/c of you. A couple of phone calls and texts... is NOT enough for a judge to seriously grant that kind of judgment on you.

That sh** ruins peoples lives... they do not take that lightly. Nothing you have said even makes me believe she has anything on you to file that. You could call her 20 times this week... that is still NOT enough to file a restraining order on you.

And to answer your question... I have a feeling I'm not going to hear from my last BPD ex (male) again. Painted black.

[Raybo48]

my ex gf had to put a restraining order (she was BPD funny) on my sociopath ex sounds really dramatic... but anyway... she has to prove beyond a doubt that you have been threatening her and putting her in danger.

she CAN NOT put a restraining order on you just for phone calls and texts. my ex socio... .(I didn't put a restraining order on him myself) has gone text crazy on me... even threatening to KILL me. And I was told that wasn't enough. But they didn't take texts as seriously then as they do now... .

None the less... she would have to prove she could be in danger b/c of you. A couple of phone calls and texts... is NOT enough for a judge to seriously grant that kind of judgment on you.

That sh** ruins peoples lives... they do not take that lightly. Nothing you have said even makes me believe she has anything on you to file that. You could call her 20 times this week... that is still NOT enough to file a restraining order on you.

And to answer your question... I have a feeling I'm not going to hear from my last BPD ex (male) again. Painted black.

Thanks that makes me feel better.  I've never had an issue with the law and I don't want to start now.  She texts and calls from 1500 miles away and wants to retrain me? Just nuts. Thing is when she drinks she calls everyone and everybody and doesn't remember who half the time.  She left me a voicemail last night and said I called and hung up on her 5 time blocked. It sure as hell wasn't me and that could have been anyone.  If it ever came down to it I'd have phone records to back it up that I didn't call her at all last night and she was the one generating the contact.   I'm just going to pay to have her number blocked, which I should have done a while ago.

[peiper]

-

IMHO, she'll be back... .For sure!

Mine even came back after 6 years... .

I think now (after 14 years of push/pull crap) im not so sure he will anymore since I know too much about his condition. He needs someone he can leech on, someone clueless. But Im prepared for it... .

o

My gut says she will too, but I'm very interested in every ones take on this.

She just threw a major curve ball with the 'restraining order' (I still take that seriously fyi, so I will remain 100% NC) comment.  It wasn't like I was contacting her to death the last couple of weeks after the rejection either.  I texted her once on Monday and then she let lose.

I would take it serious too. Im so sorry she acted like this. It makes no sense!

Ive heared of women BPD making false domestic violence alligations and guys actually getting in trouble with the law. I think NC will be safest for you. Im not saying she will do that to you, but when a RO is thrown in your face I'd better be safe then sorry.

Sucks that they go to these extremes! To think they once loved and adores us!  

Yea it does suck especially since she stirred up all kinds of emotions in me two weeks prior by saying "I love you and miss you and think about you every day".   She was partially intoxicated when she called and was very demanding about what she wanted me to do so I rejected her.  She also lives 1500 miles away now so it was a very unrealistic request considering all the factors involved, but as you know they have the mind of a 3 year old and see things in black and white and are very impulsive and want things on their timetable.  

I'll stay NC and not look at her Facebook as it only keeps her alive in my head, but I was just trying to confirm my own thoughts about her contacting me again in the not too distant future regardless of what she said to me on Monday.

Unrealistic? Try this one. The last time she splits, she moves 200 miles leases a house for a year, puts a three grand deposit on it. Then three months later calls out of the blue and just blurted out "my life is crap without you" then expects me to sell my house and move there. I tell her no damn way, so she trys to bribe me by offering to buy me an antique store. I mean it was ludicrous,  she's a flight attendant?  Not Rockefeller. So I tell her no again. So she moves loses her deposit. And pays two grand to a mover.

[Lion Fire]

I guess it depends on a couple things... .

-if they have a replacement in the form of a white knight, they will submerge themselves fully in that experience and will have no "need" for us in this time.

-if they sense that there may still be some supply available from us (this will come in handy if the replacement option is starting to shake a bit) they may reach out and have us at the ready for when they "need" supply in any form

I have been strict NC for over four months now. She hasn't contacted me in almost 3 months. I'm healing and I assume she is distracted somewhere else. Sometimes, in my weaker moments, I want to just hear from her but most of the time I am relieved to have the space and peace to move on without her tornado disturbing my world. I believe that I am being protected by NC from her as well.

Knowing that I am only supply also makes it easier to ignore her and get on with my own life. If she were to try and reconnect, I know that her motives would not be pure and that strengthens my resolve when it comes to NC.

Peace

[hope2727]

Raybo48,

Block her on Facebook, Block her phone number on both your cell and landline. Or if you can't block her get a new cell number. Its not worth a run in with the police. EVER!

If she is blocked for everything but email you can set all her emails to dump to a specific file and that way you don't have to read them until you are ready. They also leave a paper trail that will give you a legal leg to stand on if she continues to threaten you. 

Read the MANY MANY posts on here of exs with BPD who have filed false complaints and made them stick. False assault complaints, stalking complaints and what not. Its not worth the risk.

My best friend is a cop and my sibling is a lawyer and both have been really clear that false accusations can ruin lives. So don't mess around. By blocking her first you show a pattern of trying to disconnect from the relationship and move on. Then DON"T CONTACT HER! I have blocked mine on Facebook and unfriended al his friends and only take emails at this point. I am not particularly afraid of mine and would in fact like to try and repair the relationship but I am not taking any chances. In my case his psychologist told him not to contact me and he still did. So you never know what they will do. The only thing predictable about them is that they are unpredictable.

[Raybo48]

Raybo48,

Block her on Facebook, Block her phone number on both your cell and landline. Or if you can't block her get a new cell number. Its not worth a run in with the police. EVER!

If she is blocked for everything but email you can set all her emails to dump to a specific file and that way you don't have to read them until you are ready. They also leave a paper trail that will give you a legal leg to stand on if she continues to threaten you. 

Read the MANY MANY posts on here of exs with BPD who have filed false complaints and made them stick. False assault complaints, stalking complaints and what not. Its not worth the risk.

My best friend is a cop and my sibling is a lawyer and both have been really clear that false accusations can ruin lives. So don't mess around. By blocking her first you show a pattern of trying to disconnect from the relationship and move on. Then DON"T CONTACT HER! I have blocked mine on Facebook and unfriended al his friends and only take emails at this point. I am not particularly afraid of mine and would in fact like to try and repair the relationship but I am not taking any chances. In my case his psychologist told him not to contact me and he still did. So you never know what they will do. The only thing predictable about them is that they are unpredictable.

I  blocked her on Facebook after that nonsense the other night and I'm setting up a block on my phone.  She does have my email, but doesn't like emailing so it will have to be her only avenue.  The thing is I know her pattern all too well.  When she drinks she uses her phone as a roving rolodex and calls everyone all-day-long, especially ex boyfriends.  When I was with her I used to think these guys were trying to stay in contact with her, but it was the other way around.  Her BPD/deregulation really kicks in high gear when she's intoxicated and it appears she's rapidly falling off the wagon out in AZ, which I thought would happen so her contacting me is only going to get worse and much more frequent as her drinking progresses.

You are right though, it's not worth taking a risk.  My good friend is an attorney and he said it would take a lot for a judge to issue an RO 1500 miles away on a few communications, but it's still not worth the risk.  There is nothing positive about staying in contact with her because all she wants to do is rage at me because I've rejected her and the alcohol brings it out in her even more.   

[Raybo48]

-

IMHO, she'll be back... .For sure!

Mine even came back after 6 years... .

I think now (after 14 years of push/pull crap) im not so sure he will anymore since I know too much about his condition. He needs someone he can leech on, someone clueless. But Im prepared for it... .

o

My gut says she will too, but I'm very interested in every ones take on this.

She just threw a major curve ball with the 'restraining order' (I still take that seriously fyi, so I will remain 100% NC) comment.  It wasn't like I was contacting her to death the last couple of weeks after the rejection either.  I texted her once on Monday and then she let lose.

I would take it serious too. Im so sorry she acted like this. It makes no sense!

Ive heared of women BPD making false domestic violence alligations and guys actually getting in trouble with the law. I think NC will be safest for you. Im not saying she will do that to you, but when a RO is thrown in your face I'd better be safe then sorry.

Sucks that they go to these extremes! To think they once loved and adores us!  

Yea it does suck especially since she stirred up all kinds of emotions in me two weeks prior by saying "I love you and miss you and think about you every day".   She was partially intoxicated when she called and was very demanding about what she wanted me to do so I rejected her.  She also lives 1500 miles away now so it was a very unrealistic request considering all the factors involved, but as you know they have the mind of a 3 year old and see things in black and white and are very impulsive and want things on their timetable.  

I'll stay NC and not look at her Facebook as it only keeps her alive in my head, but I was just trying to confirm my own thoughts about her contacting me again in the not too distant future regardless of what she said to me on Monday.

Unrealistic? Try this one. The last time she splits, she moves 200 miles leases a house for a year, puts a three grand deposit on it. Then three months later calls out of the blue and just blurted out "my life is crap without you" then expects me to sell my house and move there. I tell her no damn way, so she trys to bribe me by offering to buy me an antique store. I mean it was ludicrous,  she's a flight attendant?  Not Rockefeller. So I tell her no again. So she moves loses her deposit. And pays two grand to a mover.

Lack of impulse control.  My ex is the same.  She's spent thousands to get her anesthesia license (it didn't transfer from WI) for dental hygienist yet she called me three weeks ago and wanted me to come get her... .Quit her two jobs, pack up everything, blow off the license, and live with me... Then once I rejected that crazy behavior two weeks later she told me not to contact her or she'd file a restraining order.     

[peiper]

My T is always telling me" past behavior is indicative of future performance" and he hasn't been wrong yet.

[Raybo48]

My T is always telling me" past behavior is indicative of future performance" and he hasn't been wrong yet.

Absolutely no question about it, and holds true 100% in the case of my exBPD. 

Since she gets no help from a T, doesn't go to AA anymore, or even thinks she has a problem history repeats itself for her on a regular basis.  Like clockwork.  Now that I've had time to wrap my head around all the dysfunction I participated in I'm glad I jumped off the merry-go-round. 

[Frankcostello]

I would take it serious too. Im so sorry she acted like this. It makes no sense!

Ive heared of women BPD making false domestic violence alligations and guys actually getting in trouble with the law. I think NC will be safest for you. Im not saying she will do that to you, but when a RO is thrown in your face I'd better be safe then sorry.

Sucks that they go to these extremes! To think they once loved and adores us!  

My ex BPD filed a restraining order against me when I saw her with my replacement by accident two blocks from my house.  She claimed that I was "stalking" her even though she was two blocks away from my house and she lives about 5 miles away.  They will go to extremes to try and ruin you and make themselves look and feel better.  After she filed the restraining order I followed strict NC.  At the court hearing three weeks after she filed the restraining order it was dismissed  because I had not contacted her nor had I been any threat to her at all.  The best bet when someone threatens or files for a restraining order is to stay as far away from them as you can.  

[Raybo48]

I would take it serious too. Im so sorry she acted like this. It makes no sense!

Ive heared of women BPD making false domestic violence alligations and guys actually getting in trouble with the law. I think NC will be safest for you. Im not saying she will do that to you, but when a RO is thrown in your face I'd better be safe then sorry.

Sucks that they go to these extremes! To think they once loved and adores us!  

My ex BPD filed a restraining order against me when I saw her with my replacement by accident two blocks from my house.  She claimed that I was "stalking" her even though she was two blocks away from my house and she lives about 5 miles away.  They will go to extremes to try and ruin you and make themselves look and feel better.  After she filed the restraining order I followed strict NC.  At the court hearing three weeks after she filed the restraining order it was dismissed  because I had not contacted her nor had I been any threat to her at all.  The best bet when someone threatens or files for a restraining order is to stay as far away from them as you can.  

Yea, and a hearing would involve me flying to Mesa AZ (I'm in the Chicago area) to defend myself.   Not a very cheap venture to defend complete lies.  Thanks for the advice.