Hi All! It's been a little while since I last posted and just wanted to check-in on the board and post some thoughts. I'm nearly 180 days out of my 3+ year r/s with my uBPD/NPD ex gf and 180 days in to a new and beautiful r/s with MYSELF!
It's been one hell of a ride and journey of healing and detachment. I've learned such profound lessons from what I went through. Here are some of them:
1. Listen to and trust your intuition. If something doesn't seem or feel right, it probably isn't. Let your intuition or your "gut" truly support you.
2. You can not be your best for yourself and others if you don't first take care of yourself. It is easy to fall into the co-dependency trap of putting others needs before your own. :)on't fall into this trap!
3. Live and experience the "present". Living the "dream" of what could be can lead you to ignore your true feelings and needs.
4. Only you can control you. No one else has power over you and your decisions. Take control back if you've given it to another person.
5. No contact means no contact! N/c is a tool to give you the space and peace you need to find true healing and detachment. If you have kids, that's a whole other story. You are in control and can write the rules.
6. Abuse is abuse. Unhealthy is unhealthy. There are no gray areas or reasons to rationalize.
7. 100 days of pain can equal a lifetime of happiness. This means 100 days of n/c. Please believe this one = it is TRUE!
8. Hope is not an emotion; it is a belief system and powerfully beautiful when coupled with your values.
9. Live your true self by using your values as a guide to how you live your life and with whom you choose to include in your life.
10. It's time to celebrate you! And yeah, celebrating can mean a lot of work and tears to find your own self awareness, self acceptance and self love. The payoff is AWESOME!
I've been out for nearly 6 months and started a new a r/s with a fantastic non PD lady about 6 weeks ago. I am so pleasantly surprised by what a healthy r/s looks like. It is out there people!
Yesterday, I received a call (voicemail) from my ex gf’s good friend and child care provider. She stated in her message to me that she was sorry to hear I chose to leave the r/s and that the my ex's kids have been struggling with the loss of me in their lives. She asked that I meet with her and the kids this week to help them with closure and to tell them that I am still their friend. She ended the message by saying “I know your really care for the kids and will understand how important this is to them”. I first thought about ignoring the message or maybe just texting her back, but decided to call her. I told her that yes I always cared about the kids. I also stated that I’m in a very good and healthy place in my life and was declining her invitation to meet with her and the kids. She pushed and said “I just don’t understand how you can cut-off from the children”. I said to her calmly that after leaving the relationship, I came to understand just how unhealthy and abusive it was for me. I have closed the door to ever having that in my life again. I wished her good luck and wished the best for everyone. I ended the call by stating, as I did in the past, that I will accept no further attempts at communication or interaction. She said she understood and the call ended. I didn't run from this situation and feel like it was a real point of closure for me. While I still need to be on guard for potential confrontations from my ex gf, I can only say that I'm at such a powerful place of peace and healthiness that I never considered meeting with the kids. The risk is too great to be sucked back into the toxic situation and I could calmly put myself first. No questions asked!
So, big long post but I wanted to let you know what six months out can look like. IT CAN BE AWESOME!
