Only the fantasy. The fantasy was vanished.
Yet the fantasy had significance all the same. What about closely related terms -
destructor of: hope, dreams,
creator of: disappointment
A dream stealer? which becomes a morph of destructor-stealer-creator
Was all of the fantasy ruined, or some elements? I could as much think of times where she was a dream come true - other times a living nightmare to endure, others - banal unremarkable moments. Stuff that doesnt feature in discussion, the average-ness, the mediocrity stuff that made the relationship feel "normal" and illness devoid.
Not to expand the scope of this discussion, her pattern of destruction. But can there be a duality of the act of destruction paving the way for the construction of something else in it's place. I dont neccessarily mean another relationship although that is one possibility. With regards to my ex, one fantasy quashed provided the grass shoots for a dozen new.
Seeming destruction leading to creation. Is this not part of the cyclical nature of life itself? Every relationship has an expiry date. Even if were possible to have one where every fantasy would be fulfilled - would that in itself not be an equal form of destruction?
There are many aspects of the relationship that I feel justified in claiming to be worthy of deeming negative, harmful, deeply disappointing. I focused on these, it took time also to appreciate that there were aspects of having hold of my own fantasies and unrealistic expectations that my ex could not fulfill and not having the empathy to realise why not. Not understanding her condition that wasnt appraised into any prior conceived fantasies. Amendments to the fantasy that with time, patience, love - all would eventually work out well in the end.
Works the other way too, I wonder how much I put a damper on her fantasies, there was always a feeling I had of being expected to match up to some abstract ideal she had made occasional reference to. Maybe I did some destruction of my own here?
My summary is, there is definite a place for fantasies, dreams, pursuing them to an extent is healthy. It is when too much zealousness is applied, getting fixated on them and generally carried away. Makes the acts of destruction on them more difficult to endure - where or who to apply this fault towards?
Nice guy, bad guy, these terms are subjective and relative. I thought I was a nice person when I held the door open rather than let it swing into the person behind me. She was an extreme feminist who told me she is perfectly capable of opening a door herself. In her mind, was I nice guy - or a man who was exerting some form of veiled dominion to imply woman generally are weaker.
nice guy/bad guy, we have our own perspectives on it, not perfectly superimposed on anyone else and far-off kilter from some others.
Pytagoras - slice and dice it however much I tried, eek out explanations or find some sort of historic pattern. The net result outcome made no difference - the relationship and the fantasy both ran out steam in the end, it was a disappointment - whoever destroyed it does not change this either way.
Do you have others, did you get new ones? (fantasies, dreams) in place of what has vanished or been destroyed? I dont believe anyone can hold a monopoly over something so innate to us.