Hi
WairuaWelcome to the group. I am glad you found us. This is a great place to get the help you need as you cope with this very difficult situation with your daughter. Many of us are in the same situation. We are helping each other and working to improve our relationships with our BPD children. I confess I had to Google Tauranga. I see that it is in New Zealand and it looks like it is very beautiful. But I can see that it might also be very isolating
While googling around I did find this website
https://www.twm.org.nz/national-dbt-service I cannot attest to how good it is but it might be worth contacting them. DBT is generally recognized as the gold standard of care for people with BPD. There are also techniques for remembering appointments that she can learn such as calendars, alarms etc. You may want to look into ways in which people with ADHD (which many people with BPD such as my son also have) handle their schedules.
That said, while care for your daughter is very important as is your relationship with her, really the first person you need to think about is you. You mention that your whole family has been impacted. That is no surprise. Having a loved one with BPD affects the whole family system. You seem like a very loving mother and grandmother who wants the best for everyone. That is great but first you need to take care of yourself. Loving someone with BPD is a long, hard journey that takes a lot of strength. You just made a huge first step by reaching out to us. Now you are not journeying alone. You have a great support group! What else are you or could you be doing in the way of self care? For example, have you thought about therapy for yourself? Many of us, myself included, find it to be a great help. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Hugs
Faith