I need some support

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I have read this 1000 times and now it has happened to me.REPLACEMENT!

Today I was out for a drive and saw her with my replacement.My replacement happens to be her ex-boyfriend.This is the guy she painted black when I met her.He was the worst of the worst.I believed everything she said and fell into my ''savior'' role.I felt so sorry for her.

She poured it on and I gobbled it all up and went for broke to save and fix her.I have realized so much of what she said in the beginning,was many lies.I am starting to see how this all played out.

He is not only the EX he is a cocaine user.So my take is she is back with the old crowd doing her cocaine also.

I guess all the love I poured into her,the recovery I tried to show her and the good man I am was not good enough for her.

I can't believe she is back with this ugly,drug addicted,unemployed dirt bag.Then again they may be meant for each other.

When I seen this my heart dropped.So in the end I can jump on the band wagon of the NON's that got replaced so soon.

I feel like crap right now and she still has a lot of things here.If I was a bad man I would have a nice fire in the pit tonight or toss this stuff in the river.

All of what I read here I denied for so long.Well I see it all now and I see how BPD woman operate.It is very sad she is lost and clueless.

Most of all she tossed away the best guy that loved her so very much and would of went to the end of the world with her.Now she can have her dope fiends and nasty men.

I feel so pissed right now.!

I forgot to add.At this point I have got to LET GO... I am 21 years clean.I do not want some love triangle and I don't want this anymore.I have to somehow someway say GOOD BYE.

[NYMike]

I have read this 1000 times and now it has happened to me.REPLACEMENT!

Today I was out for a drive and saw her with my replacement.My replacement happens to be her ex-boyfriend.This is the guy she painted black when I met her.He was the worst of the worst.I believed everything she said and fell into my ''savior'' role.I felt so sorry for her.

She poured it on and I gobbled it all up and went for broke to save and fix her.I have realized so much of what she said in the beginning,was many lies.I am starting to see how this all played out.

He is not only the EX he is a cocaine user.So my take is she is back with the old crowd doing her cocaine also.

I guess all the love I poured into her,the recovery I tried to show her and the good man I am was not good enough for her.

I can't believe she is back with this ugly,drug addicted,unemployed dirt bag.Then again they may be meant for each other.

When I seen this my heart dropped.So in the end I can jump on the band wagon of the NON's that got replaced so soon.

I feel like crap right now and she still has a lot of things here.If I was a bad man I would have a nice fire in the pit tonight or toss this stuff in the river.

All of what I read here I denied for so long.Well I see it all now and I see how BPD woman operate.It is very sad she is lost and clueless.

Most of all she tossed away the best guy that loved her so very much and would of went to the end of the world with her.Now she can have her dope fiends and nasty men.

I feel so pissed right now.!

I forgot to add.At this point I have got to LET GO... I am 21 years clean.I do not want some love triangle and I don't want this anymore.I have to somehow someway say GOOD BYE.

[dcmc1244]

Hang in there! Remember you are not responsible for her behavior and continue to learn more about this disorder. It truely is not intentional, although it feels that way. It's good it's over!

[Jack2727]

Hang in there man!

I'm going through the same thing man. Instead of watching the SB with her, I am not. She is f'ed up. As was my ex! It will get better someday. That my hope for myself and my hope for you.

[jhkbuzz]

I have read this 1000 times and now it has happened to me.REPLACEMENT!

Today I was out for a drive and saw her with my replacement.My replacement happens to be her ex-boyfriend.This is the guy she painted black when I met her.He was the worst of the worst.I believed everything she said and fell into my ''savior'' role.I felt so sorry for her.

She poured it on and I gobbled it all up and went for broke to save and fix her.I have realized so much of what she said in the beginning,was many lies.I am starting to see how this all played out.

He is not only the EX he is a cocaine user.So my take is she is back with the old crowd doing her cocaine also.

I guess all the love I poured into her,the recovery I tried to show her and the good man I am was not good enough for her.

I can't believe she is back with this ugly,drug addicted,unemployed dirt bag.Then again they may be meant for each other.

When I seen this my heart dropped.So in the end I can jump on the band wagon of the NON's that got replaced so soon.

I feel like crap right now and she still has a lot of things here.If I was a bad man I would have a nice fire in the pit tonight or toss this stuff in the river.

All of what I read here I denied for so long.Well I see it all now and I see how BPD woman operate.It is very sad she is lost and clueless.

Most of all she tossed away the best guy that loved her so very much and would of went to the end of the world with her.Now she can have her dope fiends and nasty men.

I feel so pissed right now.!

I forgot to add.At this point I have got to LET GO... I am 21 years clean.I do not want some love triangle and I don't want this anymore.I have to somehow someway say GOOD BYE.

I feel your pain... .I was replaced quickly as well.  But for me, it helped confirmed the BPD... .the instability... .the chaos and ___ed up-ness that I no longer wanted in my life.  That was the "silver lining" I found in the whole situation

[Trog]

He got recycled, as we've been recycled (well I have). My ex'es sob story and how she hated her previous exes were absolute rubbish. Most exes are NC, one died and the latest one before me who was apparently mentally ill and a fantasist and painted incredibly black will surely be in the picture if she fails to find someone else quickly.

They really are incredible aren't they! Theres one reason though we should all feel great, if they're recycling with someone else a) they're not with you and giving you hassle and b) they once more show their true, dishonest selves in full light.

Let her get on with it man, count the blessing god has given you when he gave you the strength to get out in the first place. Would you swap places with him?

[antonio1213]

Been there. Helped my exBPD through major depressions, suicidal thoughts, family problems, self mutilation, and pretty much anything in life that caused her to be emotional. And when I need her the most she leaves and replaces me in no time. I know the pain and the anger that is forming.

I will tell you what my therapist said along with lots of people on here. "You are dodging a bullet". Keep repeating this and realize it. I still am angry and have trouble dealing with what she did to me but I am realizing that I am really dodging a bullet, and I promise you are too. Especially with cocaine involved. Do you really think it'll last with her new bf? Definatly not and even if it last longer than you would like just remember that your replacement will feel like you do now and even worse he obviously hasn't let go of her yet because he is right back with her.

Pity your replacement, try to find forgiveness/closure from the disorder, and move on. I am in the process of doing this now so I know its hard. But hey good luck! keep coming here and DONT BOTTLE UP YOUR EMOTIONS. Let them out, write them, type them, vent to someone.

[myself]

Like so many pwBPD, why go forward when they can go backward?

The same old problems are probably more comfortable/easier for her.

More times to get 'rescued' when she doesn't really need to be, too.

Use what you saw today as extra fuel to help yourself let go.

The details add up to she's disordered, gone, and you're better off.

Follow your own truths now. They'll lead you out of this.

[NYMike]

I wonder if they recycle the Ex's,do they paint them black again at some point.

[Seriously?]

I admire you, NYMike.  21 years clean is wonderful and I am happy you are protective of your sobriety.  My husband chose to sleep 8th his car for three months and shower at the gym. The first woman I saw him (on Facebook, in a relationship) was grossly overweight,  unattractive,  lived in subsidized housing, and (at least on Facebook) had completely different values than what my husband presented when he was with me. That last was the tell for me. I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  so he may have been attracted to her. It is that he was with her when her values and morals should have been out of line with his.  I think she was probably easy and enabling. Your replacement sounds like he is, too. It all has nothing to do with you. It is all about her. She may have wanted the good life with you, but couldn't really pull it off. People with BPD are whoever they need to be to get their own needs met. Like I said, good for you in putting your needs first right now in terms of your recovery/sobriety.

[Splitblack4good]

I wonder if they recycle the Ex's,do they paint them black again at some point.

NYMike I can relate I'm sorry you are hurting badly and I know the feeling of being a good honest guy with your exes best interests at heart and it all be unseen for its real value or just tossed under the rug !

Your story and your ex sound similar to mine . To keep this short one of my exes exbf was on cocaine and unemployed and out of all her exes he was the one that she told me (lied to me ) was the worst in every way possible she told me him and his freinds had raped her he cut her with a kitchen knife , broke her arm and other bones and really did some nasty unthinkable things . He is also father to her youngest daughter to witch I asked if she was that frightend of him why have his child ? . This is the twist me and my ex broke up back in September last year for 2 weeks she managed to lure me back in for another recycle about 2 days back in her phone was left down stairs on charge I had a feeling something wasn't right and couldn't trust her since my return so I picked up her phone and went to messages and my heart dropped when I saw text messages she had sent her ex bf ( the guy mentioned above ) this is what she said in 1 text " I love you I always have in these past 6 years we have been apart . I miss you and I'm sorry I treated you so badly as you are ***** dad why don't move back in like old times like the old us and be a family again " I was almost sick right ther ! She had tried to recycle him so if what they say about ther exes is true then I'm sorry this proves otherwise ! He replied with something along the lines of he had figured her out and wasn't fooling for it and could see why I had left her .

Bottom line is NYMike as said its not about you or stability or all the things that healthy minded people look for its about ther needs simple as that .

[hope2727]

You are worth so much more than all of that garbage. Let them go have their loser life together. You go find a winner who would be glad to share her life with someone who recognizes her worth. Don't settle for wackadoodle. Go find some awesome.   

[downwhim]

NYMike,

What kind of quality of life is she going to have? You obviously are above the drugs and the chaos but I know that doesn't take away the pain. She is a BPD using to mask her pain. She is not going to change and you deserve better. She is digging a hole for herself. You have too much to offer to get sucked in. Congrats on your 21 year sobriety. Don't let her craziness sway you.

[Suzn]

I wonder if they recycle the Ex's,do they paint them black again at some point.

Yes. It's a cycle. As long as you stay available for the game, at some point you'll be included in the cycle again. Just like that other dude. Thing is, now you know more than that guy, he hasn't got a chance. It's quite sad actually.

[CloseToFreedom]

10 weeks out of the relationship, 3 weeks ago my exgf had a new replacement as well. But she tried as soon as she got out the relationship, even contacted an ex that she painted blacker than black to me. Apparently he wasn't so black anymore?

Our contact is non existent. She visits the same parties and pubs as me and she shows how happy she is with the replacement. I won't let her notice how much it hurts me.

[NYMike]

Not sure how I was able to sleep but I slept ok last might.

Not sure what I am going to do today.We are having one heck of a snow storm from now till tonight.

Seeing her with him may have helped me a tiny bit even though it hurt me deeply.It has helped my own DENIAL and It shows me she is a true BPD and Cocaine Addict with a lot of emotional problems.

This has been so hard on me because I truly loved and cared for her and wanted to help her in so many ways.She did not want to help herself and she gave up and ran away.

The abandonment and lack of clousure has been hell.The lies and painting me black has also been hell on me.The truth is she is a disturbed and disordered woman that has crazy making ideas and decisions.So sad she is a train wreck.

I hope to stop obsessing and get to a point of letting this all go.The truth is there is no hope for us until she gets real and gets help.

[going places]

Mike, it took me 3.5 years (after a 25 year marriage) to get where I am today.

IDGAS. I Don't Give A S

I am moving out of MY home (it sold) and living in an apartment here in IN for 6 months.

THEN I am moving to Southern Florida.

With, or without my adult children.

My mental health is #1 important to me right now, and when I am down there... .I am more than 'stable', I am at Peace. Joyfilled, Life is amazing... .

I want to be AS FAR away from him and all the bs that the last 25 years created.

I want my kids to go with, but they are grown adults, and can make their own decisions.

I am going.

It's me time.

It's taken me 3.5 years to quit thinking, analyzing, disecting, deducing, caring, wishing, etc.

It was hard.

It sucked.

I failed.

I tried again.

I failed.

I tried again.

I recycled multiple times.

I l-o-s-t myself.

I was a stranger to my kids... .they didn't know who the woman was in my skin.

I lost an amazing job.

By the Grace of God... .one day... .I just QUIT trying to make it make sense.

I QUIT caring if he 'understood what he was doing / why he was doing it".

I QUIT caring if he "called, cared, etc".

I QUIT caring if I ever talked to him again.

I QUIT caring.

He pulled the "love" drain plug on me.

This pool is empty, move along.

He will never be in my pool again. As a matter of fact, I will fill my pool with fresh clean ME water, and let it get to the healthy 'temp' before I let anyone else in the pool. That way I will know if THEY  should be allowed in.

Healthy self (inner and outer).

Healthy boundaries

A joy and passion for life.

THEN that will attract the right people... .not the nonsense I put up with the last 25 years.

Mike, it will happen. There will come a moment in time where you will draw a line in the sand on this relationship and say "NO MORE DON'T CARE" and your head and heart will connect... .and they will be in unison.

And there will be no more "what if's or oh my gosh's".

You will be done.

[PaintedBlack28]

I feel for you. Actually, I just found out did she has not wonI feel for you. Being there. Actually, I just found out did she has not one, but three replacements. All at the same time! and you know what? I don't care anymore. It is a disorder. I have accepted that. Nothing I can do will bring her back, ever. And especially, not after the way she left me lying in a pool of blood. So nothing to worry about my friend. The replacement will meet the same fate you did. So try not to worry too much. Take care and stay clean.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Since she casually tossed you aside for the low-life coke-snorting ex, I would take great joy in burning, or, if you feel benevolent, donating all of her stuff she left behind. Maybe even get yourself a tax write-off.

i personally would not be a rent free storage unit for my ex's stuff. You no longer owe her anything.  If she didn't ask for her stuff back in a reasonable amount of time and told her to retrieve it, the junk belongs to you. To do with as you wish.

[goateeki]

Mike, you probably can't see it now, but this is a great break for you.  Take it from someone who spent 19 years in the trenches with a very, very messed up woman and made the mistake of having two children with her.  This event is a gift.  Consider yourself lucky. 

We don't go back.  We go forward.

[jhkbuzz]

Mike, it will happen. There will come a moment in time where you will draw a line in the sand on this relationship and say "NO MORE DON'T CARE" and your head and heart will connect... .and they will be in unison.

And there will be no more "what if's or oh my gosh's".

You will be done.

GOOD FOR YOU!   I feel that I am rapidly approaching that point... .it's a good, good feeling!