Finally an update :O

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So sorry for the delay.I've been emotionally shutting down alot. Haven't made much personal progress, sadly.

Went to mediation, I agreed to switch from every other day exchanges to every 2 days. Then we she turns 2 (in 6 months) It'll go to 3 / 4 and rotating each week.

Well today I met with someone who has been retained by me to represent me as a battered wife.  He did a 3 hour long evaluation and says I'm probably suffering from post traumatic stress  disorder. He also commented that I'm in the top 10 most severe abuse cases out of the thousands he has seen and evaluated and counseled. I brought in the books splitting by Randi Kreger, and Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. I asked if he has heard of them or read them, He said he has a signed copy from Lundy himself and that  they have worked together! I thought, wow. That's good.

So I'm probably going to try to go to counseling more oriented for battered women, last T wasn't hitting it on the mark. 

My custody battle went out of control, and many members on here advise that it is VERY hard to get your spouse put on supervised visitation. Not true. I was on it for atleast a month or two, luckily not anymore. But you can pretty much get put on supervised visitation over nothing, they can throw any minor allegation out there and you are through! (Mine was "she is mentally unstable" So beware. BPD's and the like LOVE to punish you.

And when you are apart, they only have your children left to punish you through. I was too naive to think he would do that, never caring about the child before.

- and it IS true domestic violence gets worse when you leave. I could go into detail about the things that have happened but I just wanted to write this short post first and let you all know I'm still alive & posting.

Sorry I took so long :P!

[motherof1yearold]

So sorry for the delay.I've been emotionally shutting down alot. Haven't made much personal progress, sadly.

Went to mediation, I agreed to switch from every other day exchanges to every 2 days. Then we she turns 2 (in 6 months) It'll go to 3 / 4 and rotating each week.

Well today I met with someone who has been retained by me to represent me as a battered wife.  He did a 3 hour long evaluation and says I'm probably suffering from post traumatic stress  disorder. He also commented that I'm in the top 10 most severe abuse cases out of the thousands he has seen and evaluated and counseled. I brought in the books splitting by Randi Kreger, and Why does he do that? By Lundy Bancroft. I asked if he has heard of them or read them, He said he has a signed copy from Lundy himself and that  they have worked together! I thought, wow. That's good.

So I'm probably going to try to go to counseling more oriented for battered women, last T wasn't hitting it on the mark. 

My custody battle went out of control, and many members on here advise that it is VERY hard to get your spouse put on supervised visitation. Not true. I was on it for atleast a month or two, luckily not anymore. But you can pretty much get put on supervised visitation over nothing, they can throw any minor allegation out there and you are through! (Mine was "she is mentally unstable" So beware. BPD's and the like LOVE to punish you.

And when you are apart, they only have your children left to punish you through. I was too naive to think he would do that, never caring about the child before.

- and it IS true domestic violence gets worse when you leave. I could go into detail about the things that have happened but I just wanted to write this short post first and let you all know I'm still alive & posting.

Sorry I took so long :P!

[Rose1]

Good to see you are still going! Often coming out of something like this, it just takes time to get ourselves together and get out of the fog. Worse when more than one party is hammering the distortions - in your case you have your exh, his parents and your parent not helping. Sounds like the therapy is good.

Count your wins no matter how small and concentrate on getting emotionally strong enough to keep the fight going as it will take a while. To me this sounds like a pretty big step forward actually. Taking the mental leap to understanding what has happened and understanding it's not you is the huge first step. Some never take it.


Rose

[motherof1yearold]

Thanks,Rose.

I'll stay more in touch now and I appreciate your kind words.

[Forward2free]

I saw this on a magnet years ago and the words gave me so much hope:

"Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."  ~Mary Anne Radmacher

It doesn't matter how small the steps are and how many you need to take to get where you're going. The only thing that matters it the direction your walking, and it really sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

Great work! Keep it up!

[motherof1yearold]

Awwww thanks Kormilda, that's so sweet. 

[GaGrl]

Kormilda is so right - especially when the children are so young, you just have to take it one day at a time and know that you took care of what was needed that day.

[BentNotBroken]

Mo1Yo-Glad to see you posting. I also hope you are taking steps to protect yourself with the exchanges. You should talk to your attorney about the legality of covertly recording the custody exchanges. It is not necessarily to collect evidence against the ex, but to protect yourself from false accusations. (ie. Your honor, on January 30th, she screamed at me in front of the child and threatened to have me "dealt with"--Your atty: As you can see from the transcript of the recording taken on January 30th, my client was polite, kind, and no such threat took place.--result, credibility is shot, and charges against you are ignored/dismissed)

And yes, you have probably already experienced false accusations, but they will get worse as this thing drags on.

[ForeverDad]

I'm glad to hear you have some stability in your life and that you don't have supervised stuff hanging over your head.

Yes, there will be more upsets, conflicts and what-have-you in the years to come, just remember that over time you will build a history of being the stable and supportive mother, while father continues to build a history otherwise.

This first year after the separation and end of the marriage ought to be the worst, but don't get complacent thinking ex, ex's family or others can't sabotage you again.  Be on guard for such surprises.  Meanwhile, be content to be a good mother, continue moving forward and accomplish great things (and not-so-great things too) with your life.

[motherof1yearold]

This month shouldn't be so bad. Ex is threatened by my emotionally moving forward. I was doing NC with him and talking religiously with an old friend, well long story short he stalked me once again and flipped out, thinking I had gotten a new boyfriend. So he began crawling back. Very unappealing.

Well I forgot to mention he took our daughter for her 18 month check up without notifying me first so I could have been there (violated court order) and they re tested her iron levels, and she's still very anemic but not as bad as before. I bought her the medicine for it but 3 weeks later he has yet to. The doctor said because of her anemia she has a speech delay which they are "very " worried about. I call BS. She picks up about 3 new words a day and uses sign language, but of course I was not there to explain that to the doc!



Otherwise , I am not worried at all besides making sure she gets her medication every day while she is with me, we are still on a 2/2 schedule until she turns 2 in July. She's doing good, still breastfeeding,everything is right on track as far as I'm concerned.

Post back soon.

[livednlearned]

You sound good, Mo1YR 

Being in the 10 top abuse cases -- that must have felt weirdly validating and also very sad for you at the same time. There is a new tone in your posts, and it's the same tone I notice in abused women who start to recognize their strength. I used to almost throw up from fear when N/BPDx was on a rampage, and last weekend he approached my car (violating the order) and I whipped out my phone and told him I was recording the conversation -- didn't even phase me. Cool as a cucumber LnL 

Never in a million years did I think that powerful person was in me, but now it's a reflex. You're on your way.

Glad you let us know how you're doing. I've been thinking about you, hoping you were doing ok.

LnL