Found out some new information and I have no idea what to take of it.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So, I found out some new information about the potential BPD today which both confuses me more than I already was and terrifies me. My coworker is friends with one of her coworkers and had lunch with her. The potential BPD is very close to another coworker in her office (who is equally as strange). Well, it turns out that the two of them did conspire against their coworker and reported her for “harassment and threatening behavior”. They were able to get that coworker out of the office, so she works remotely now. The BPD made it very clear to me that if she could get her in trouble and get her fired, she would. Flash forward and that coworker she doesn't like is now in trouble and being pushed out. After they accused her of harrasing her, the BPD's coworker had an awkward lunch that she was invited to for work reasons. Only two spots were open; one next to the coworker and one that was away from everybody. She wanted to be polite and sat beside the coworker, which sparred her to report her for “threatening” behavior. I am not sure that is threatening.

Well, apparently the potential BPD has reported her and other people on quite a few occasions. She has some exttreme paranoia. She is fine entering somebody's office, but if somebody enters her office she is very protective and feels threatened. She has reported people for entering her room... .multiple times with multiple people. Additionally, she apparently is very sensitive to behavior. If somebody's voice increases, she has reported them for threatening her, even though they are just talking loudly, but completely passively. All of this kind of matches my experience. She stalks me and invites herself to my stuff, but then acts strangely if I invite her. If I don't invite her, she reaches out to my friends. If I do, she acts like she doesn't want to go. She can message my friends, but I am not allowed to be around her friends. Just really weird stuff.

All of this makes me wonder if this matches BPD and she is just a huge back stabber and uses people to get ahead or if she is just plain ole psychotic... .literally. I just know there is absolutely no way I will be around this girl.

Thoughts? Does this sound like your experience with BPD?

[JaxWest]

So, I found out some new information about the potential BPD today which both confuses me more than I already was and terrifies me. My coworker is friends with one of her coworkers and had lunch with her. The potential BPD is very close to another coworker in her office (who is equally as strange). Well, it turns out that the two of them did conspire against their coworker and reported her for “harassment and threatening behavior”. They were able to get that coworker out of the office, so she works remotely now. The BPD made it very clear to me that if she could get her in trouble and get her fired, she would. Flash forward and that coworker she doesn't like is now in trouble and being pushed out. After they accused her of harrasing her, the BPD's coworker had an awkward lunch that she was invited to for work reasons. Only two spots were open; one next to the coworker and one that was away from everybody. She wanted to be polite and sat beside the coworker, which sparred her to report her for “threatening” behavior. I am not sure that is threatening.

Well, apparently the potential BPD has reported her and other people on quite a few occasions. She has some exttreme paranoia. She is fine entering somebody's office, but if somebody enters her office she is very protective and feels threatened. She has reported people for entering her room... .multiple times with multiple people. Additionally, she apparently is very sensitive to behavior. If somebody's voice increases, she has reported them for threatening her, even though they are just talking loudly, but completely passively. All of this kind of matches my experience. She stalks me and invites herself to my stuff, but then acts strangely if I invite her. If I don't invite her, she reaches out to my friends. If I do, she acts like she doesn't want to go. She can message my friends, but I am not allowed to be around her friends. Just really weird stuff.

All of this makes me wonder if this matches BPD and she is just a huge back stabber and uses people to get ahead or if she is just plain ole psychotic... .literally. I just know there is absolutely no way I will be around this girl.

Thoughts? Does this sound like your experience with BPD?

[JaxWest]

Any suggestions? Sound familiar?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey JW, I'm confused.  Are you, or were you, in a r/s with the "potential BPD"?  Or is this a workplace issue about someone who is difficult to be around on the job?  Have you given any thought to what you might do to defuse the situation, or at least make it less stressful?

LuckyJim

[JaxWest]

I have never been in a relationship with this girl. It has just been strange. The girls asks about me... .my dating life and follows me around. As my coworkers put it, whenever they talk to her, she talks about me. Every time we hang out, she is the last to leave and makes excuses to be around me. So, I did make a move and she said she was getting back with an ex. Weird, but no big deal... .I thought... .3 days later, I saw her and she was all in my space the whole night. A week later, she texted my married coworker to see if he was watching the game. This is the same one she asked about my dating life and continues to ask about me. She knows I hang out with him to watch games on the weekend. He has stated that he feels like she is using him as a way to get close to me. She then proceeded to invite herself to my birthday celebration with coworkers. Then, tried to reach out to two of my other friends. It is like she is trying to be in my group, but does it in a very awkward way and kind of scary way. I don't think there ever was an ex in the picture. She oversteps her boundaries with me in every possible way and treats me like a boyfriend. We started hanging out again at the time. It was kind of weird, because the girl had done research on me. She knew things about me that she should not have known... .very specific stuff. I tried to talk to her, because I was getting uncomfortable because she was treating me like a boyfriend. People started asking if we were dating when they saw us together. She basically implied that I was crazy for wanting to talk. So, I stopped talking to her for a few weeks and she emails me about "work". Except, she never emails me about work and what she emailed me about made absolutely no sense for her to email me about. It felt like an excuse, which is what she does every time I give up on her and try to go away.

[Grey Kitty]

Does creepy stalker chick describe your relationship with her? 

How do you handle her? Perhaps a few questions will clarify things and help you find options.

If she gets upset with you, are you at risk of being reported to your boss / HR in a way that would impact your job/career? (She is obviously willing and able to do that kind of thing!)

Do you just run into her at work, or do you have to do things with her that have the two of you interacting?

And lastly, do you like her enough that you would like to have a better relationship with her in some way? Maybe be friends? Or do you just want to avoid problems?

[JaxWest]

Does creepy stalker chick describe your relationship with her?  

How do you handle her? Perhaps a few questions will clarify things and help you find options.

If she gets upset with you, are you at risk of being reported to your boss / HR in a way that would impact your job/career? (She is obviously willing and able to do that kind of thing!)

Do you just run into her at work, or do you have to do things with her that have the two of you interacting?

And lastly, do you like her enough that you would like to have a better relationship with her in some way? Maybe be friends? Or do you just want to avoid problems?

Creepy stalker describes her well. I am worried about her being upset with me and trying to sabotage me. My boss knows about the situation and I have 8 coworkers that can back me up as they have witnessed it. My boss has already told me that I do not have to work with her or be around her and to make sure I am not in a room by myself with her. Luckily, I typically do not see her much during the year. However, June is when I see her almost daily, but I am avoiding her. If I see her in public, I will not acknowledge her. I want nothing to do with her at this point. She terrifies me and I don't trust her. I am just not sure how concerned and scared I should be with her. I have another meeting with my counselor in a couple of weeks, so we will be discussing this. She has indicated that she has stalker tendencies based on some of our previous conversations and her texts, behaviors.

[Herodias]

My ex used to enjoy getting people written up and fired at work. They actually would get him to let people go because he was good at it! What you are saying doesn't surprise me is all I'm saying. My ex played so many games at work it wasn't even funny. They believed him and kept promoting him. He even joked when we split saying "gotta love my company, I can screw around with all the women and they promote me!" Ten years later it all caught up with him and he was eventually demoted to the lowest position. He tells another story, of course! I'll never know the truth. I would be very careful if I were you. Try to go what's called grey rock and be boring. If you are boring and non- reactive, she will move on to someone else to mess with. She obviously likes you. Start a rumor about yourself that could get back to her about something she wouldn't like about you maybe. Just stay busy and out of her way!

[JaxWest]

My ex used to enjoy getting people written up and fired at work. They actually would get him to let people go because he was good at it! What you are saying doesn't surprise me is all I'm saying. My ex played so many games at work it wasn't even funny. They believed him and kept promoting him. He even joked when we split saying "gotta love my company, I can screw around with all the women and they promote me!" Ten years later it all caught up with him and he was eventually demoted to the lowest position. He tells another story, of course! I'll never know the truth. I would be very careful if I were you. Try to go what's called grey rock and be boring. If you are boring and non- reactive, she will move on to someone else to mess with.

She was able to jump up the ranks quickly. I am not sure what happened, but there was a lot of turnover when she started. One person got fired and 2 left, so she jumped to the 2nd person in less than a year there. Maybe a coincidence, but I don't want to risk it.

[JaxWest]

What do you do when you see the BPD in public? My response has been to just ignore her, not say hi and just keep walking. I see her at work a lot now, for the rest of the month. I don't want to engage her in any way, but afraid how that looks.

I do feel bad about her coworker being pushed out and kind of feel a little guilty because I know the BPD and her friend have made it clear they would want to try to find a way to get rid of her. I know that information, but I have no idea how to share that or what I could do at this point to help the coworker. Plus, I don't want to get sucked into it.

[Grey Kitty]

Pick your battles.

You want her to leave you alone.

You also don't like her efforts to get  coworker fired.

If you personally know the coworker, and have personal loyalty to coworker, I'd tell the coworker what you overheard, and offer to help coworker keep her job. Perhaps report to HR or a supervisor that you heard ?BPD? and "other messed up employee" talk about conspiring to get the victim coworker fired?

OTOH, it isn't your fight, and if ?BPD? has any suspicion you are getting involved, you WILL draw attention from ?BPD?, and probably become a target for her as well. (She might not find out; you don't know. She also might become suspicious of you even if you don't get involved.)

Still... .it comes down to your values, your loyalty, and your choices. Is defending coworker a battle you are going to pick or not?

[JaxWest]

Pick your battles.

You want her to leave you alone.

You also don't like her efforts to get  coworker fired.

If you personally know the coworker, and have personal loyalty to coworker, I'd tell the coworker what you overheard, and offer to help coworker keep her job. Perhaps report to HR or a supervisor that you heard ?BPD? and "other messed up employee" talk about conspiring to get the victim coworker fired?

OTOH, it isn't your fight, and if ?BPD? has any suspicion you are getting involved, you WILL draw attention from ?BPD?, and probably become a target for her as well. (She might not find out; you don't know. She also might become suspicious of you even if you don't get involved.)

Still... .it comes down to your values, your loyalty, and your choices. Is defending coworker a battle you are going to pick or not?

No, it is definitely not worth the fight to defend her. I just feel guilty, because I know the coworker got mistreated. To be honest, it would seem like she would have some rights for legal action. They accused her of harassment/threatening them, HR cleared her and found no wrong-doing and she is in good standing here. Yet, her office decided they wanted to separate them, so she got moved. I am not getting involved though and won't be alone with BPD. It just sucks. I don't know why people have to be like that.

[Herodias]

My ex husband and his girlfriend were separated when they were caught messing around at work... .there was a write up his manger eventually told me about- somehow it disappeared when we got divorced. These people are pretty sneaky. I think they get others to do stuff for them as well. I would be lucky you see the signs enough to stay away and be careful. We all have lessons in life to learn. The person that got moved has their own to learn to. Unfortunately for this particular gf of my ex (one of the many), got back involved with him and became pregnant and is currently enduring him now. 

[JaxWest]

June is the month that my office and her office work closer together. We don't work with each other, but are located side by side for events. Well, in the 3 days that this has happened, the coworker that she is close friends with has popped in the room I am in just to talk. Maybe I am being paranoid, but I just don't trust that.

[Grey Kitty]

Not much you can do besides keep a low profile in a way that will make you (relatively) uninteresting to both your creepy stalker chick and her coworker/friend.

You say you've already told your boss about your concerns regarding creepy stalker chick, which makes you feel safer. Consider chatting with your boss about the other one too.

Perhaps you can mention that you overheard the two of them talking about trying to harass somebody else, so you are concerned that the other one might get after you too... .'tho it might be better to pretend you didn't hear exactly WHO they were talking about.

All this kinda depends upon your relationship with your boss as to whether it seems like a good idea or not.

[JaxWest]

Not much you can do besides keep a low profile in a way that will make you (relatively) uninteresting to both your creepy stalker chick and her coworker/friend.

You say you've already told your boss about your concerns regarding creepy stalker chick, which makes you feel safer. Consider chatting with your boss about the other one too.

Perhaps you can mention that you overheard the two of them talking about trying to harass somebody else, so you are concerned that the other one might get after you too... .'tho it might be better to pretend you didn't hear exactly WHO they were talking about.

All this kinda depends upon your relationship with your boss as to whether it seems like a good idea or not.

I mentioned the friend to my boss too, so he is okay with me staying away from them as much as possible. During part of our sessions, her office is set up to meet with clients outside of where we are meeting with clients. I have been there twice and both times she just stares in through the door. It is actually just very creepy. The girl tilted her head, so she could look in and watch me. The other friend actually came into the office to talk. I don't trust either of them.

[JaxWest]

Plus, now her friend is trying to get in with my group and hang out with them. No idea what is going on.