Roller coaster Ride

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I almost dont even know where to start. But I guess I have to go way back to the beginning.
 I met my wife in 2011, she was friend of my life in GF at the time, and she would often walk over to our house and hang out. When my FG and I separated, she came over more often, and we were friends. One day she and I hooked up, and she never left; she instantly wanted to get married; she told me that I couldn't talk to my ex at all, and I just assumed she was protective of our relationship. What I found out two years later was that she went on my FB settings and blocked a bunch of people so that they could never contact me on FB again. There was a list of about eight people, mostly women that I knew. I just assumed they had disappeared; I guess I never really thought about it. Within six months she was pregnant. I guess I was excited to have a little one on the way, but I have to admit I was a bit nervous because she had not been able to work a job longer than two months and was always in conflict with her co-workers or boss. Our son was born beginning of the following year and was two before we got married. Our second son was born in 2013, and during that time, my wife struggled with depression that she attributed to post pardon, she was not able to work. During this time, she would blow up at me, accuse me of cheating on her, Tell me that I don't love her, and tell me she was going to end her life. She locked herself in the bathroom and would sit on the floor sobbing. I remember her father's new wife calling and telling my wife one day that if she doesn't call him, he is going to "blow his head off with a shotgun" I was like, wow, they are all crazy. One night during my wife's episodes where I was the evilest person in the world, her dad came to pick her up and started a fight with me in my living room; he hit me with a board that I blocked with my arm, breaking my arm. Immediately my wife was sorry; she went with me to the hospital where they cast my arm. A year later, I was at work working as a counselor, and she was struggling to watch our children. A woman found my 2 YO son walking down the street our home was on, he was in front of our house, so she knocked with him in her arms, and my wife was asleep on the couch.
I came home from work and was upset that she had put him in danger, the house was a mess, and I told her I wanted a divorce. This was the first time she called the police on me; she accused me of DV; I was not arrested, but she was escorted by police to get her things, and she left to her father's house; the next day, she filed a restaining order, and CPS was involved. At this time, she accused me of molesting my youngest son to the CPS worker, When asked by the CPS worker why she thought I was molesting my son, she told her because "he's been acting very strange" CPS was on to her that she was lying, she contacted me, and I took her back. We had a meeting with CPS where the worker informed me of the obligation that was made, and my wife admitted it was a lie; she went to inpatient treatment for a month and got back out. Then we had no issues outside of her random accusations of a cheating, violent outbursts of slamming doors until a few months ago when I looked at her phone, and she was texting a man she knew from her past, for months she had been texting him, naked photos, I love yous, pictures of our children, calling me names and making fun of me. She had been drinking heavily that night and I asked her to go stay with her friend and that I again wanted a divorce... You guest it.. she called the [police and they came to my house investigating another DV. This time my father witnessed the entire thing and seen that nothing happened, The police believed her and I was arrested on July 4th for DV, she had written a statement saying that "this is not the first time he ahs been violent with me but it has to be the last." I got out the next day and she was apologizing saying she didn't mean for me to be arrested that she only made those statements because she thought I would divorce her and she was sorry, I got an attorney that suggested she write an affidavit stating that she made the thing up and she did, she wrote it on her own and signed it. The charge was immediately dismissed after my picture had ben posted online, remember I am a counselor. Then two days later she was arrested and charged with filing a false police report, she is now in therapy and admits her BPD is out of control and wants to make our marriage work. We have three children now age 11, 9 and 2. My kids love their mom and since she has told them that I am the reason that she gets angry because I don't love her they are very confused.. I know this is not healthy but I know that my children love their mom, she says she committed to treatment but I am exahsted. Even after she ended the affair online with the other person and she was arrested just last night she was yelling at me in front of our kids telling I don't love her and I don't love out kids..Then she says she gonna kill herself then she crys then she apologizes.. Im exahsted.. Hope any of that made any sense.. Should I divorce her? How will I raise three kids? Shes not safe to be with them.. I cant believe I have tolerated getting caused of molesting my child, DV and arrested recently, Getting my arm broken.. Who does this? And now after reading about BPD more, I realize her father has BPD as well, threatening to kill himself to get her to call him. I work from my home office every day and I know when she gets home shes gonna want to cuddle.. I am honestly afraid.

[Roller-Coaster]

I almost dont even know where to start. But I guess I have to go way back to the beginning.
 I met my wife in 2011, she was friend of my life in GF at the time, and she would often walk over to our house and hang out. When my FG and I separated, she came over more often, and we were friends. One day she and I hooked up, and she never left; she instantly wanted to get married; she told me that I couldn't talk to my ex at all, and I just assumed she was protective of our relationship. What I found out two years later was that she went on my FB settings and blocked a bunch of people so that they could never contact me on FB again. There was a list of about eight people, mostly women that I knew. I just assumed they had disappeared; I guess I never really thought about it. Within six months she was pregnant. I guess I was excited to have a little one on the way, but I have to admit I was a bit nervous because she had not been able to work a job longer than two months and was always in conflict with her co-workers or boss. Our son was born beginning of the following year and was two before we got married. Our second son was born in 2013, and during that time, my wife struggled with depression that she attributed to post pardon, she was not able to work. During this time, she would blow up at me, accuse me of cheating on her, Tell me that I don't love her, and tell me she was going to end her life. She locked herself in the bathroom and would sit on the floor sobbing. I remember her father's new wife calling and telling my wife one day that if she doesn't call him, he is going to "blow his head off with a shotgun" I was like, wow, they are all crazy. One night during my wife's episodes where I was the evilest person in the world, her dad came to pick her up and started a fight with me in my living room; he hit me with a board that I blocked with my arm, breaking my arm. Immediately my wife was sorry; she went with me to the hospital where they cast my arm. A year later, I was at work working as a counselor, and she was struggling to watch our children. A woman found my 2 YO son walking down the street our home was on, he was in front of our house, so she knocked with him in her arms, and my wife was asleep on the couch.
I came home from work and was upset that she had put him in danger, the house was a mess, and I told her I wanted a divorce. This was the first time she called the police on me; she accused me of DV; I was not arrested, but she was escorted by police to get her things, and she left to her father's house; the next day, she filed a restaining order, and CPS was involved. At this time, she accused me of molesting my youngest son to the CPS worker, When asked by the CPS worker why she thought I was molesting my son, she told her because "he's been acting very strange" CPS was on to her that she was lying, she contacted me, and I took her back. We had a meeting with CPS where the worker informed me of the obligation that was made, and my wife admitted it was a lie; she went to inpatient treatment for a month and got back out. Then we had no issues outside of her random accusations of a cheating, violent outbursts of slamming doors until a few months ago when I looked at her phone, and she was texting a man she knew from her past, for months she had been texting him, naked photos, I love yous, pictures of our children, calling me names and making fun of me. She had been drinking heavily that night and I asked her to go stay with her friend and that I again wanted a divorce... You guest it.. she called the [police and they came to my house investigating another DV. This time my father witnessed the entire thing and seen that nothing happened, The police believed her and I was arrested on July 4th for DV, she had written a statement saying that "this is not the first time he ahs been violent with me but it has to be the last." I got out the next day and she was apologizing saying she didn't mean for me to be arrested that she only made those statements because she thought I would divorce her and she was sorry, I got an attorney that suggested she write an affidavit stating that she made the thing up and she did, she wrote it on her own and signed it. The charge was immediately dismissed after my picture had ben posted online, remember I am a counselor. Then two days later she was arrested and charged with filing a false police report, she is now in therapy and admits her BPD is out of control and wants to make our marriage work. We have three children now age 11, 9 and 2. My kids love their mom and since she has told them that I am the reason that she gets angry because I don't love her they are very confused.. I know this is not healthy but I know that my children love their mom, she says she committed to treatment but I am exahsted. Even after she ended the affair online with the other person and she was arrested just last night she was yelling at me in front of our kids telling I don't love her and I don't love out kids..Then she says she gonna kill herself then she crys then she apologizes.. Im exahsted.. Hope any of that made any sense.. Should I divorce her? How will I raise three kids? Shes not safe to be with them.. I cant believe I have tolerated getting caused of molesting my child, DV and arrested recently, Getting my arm broken.. Who does this? And now after reading about BPD more, I realize her father has BPD as well, threatening to kill himself to get her to call him. I work from my home office every day and I know when she gets home shes gonna want to cuddle.. I am honestly afraid.

[BigOof]

Your story is very similar to others here. Mine overlaps with yours about 80%.

If she had you arrested, she can do it again. BPDs are quick learners when it comes to manipulating the system. Next time you're arrested, you won't be so lucky. 

Divorce her if you like your freedom.

[ForeverDad]

You may wish to consider "recording yourself" to document you're not the person behaving poorly.  If nothing concerning occurs, you can always delete it.

It is well known that separation or divorce, especially at the beginning, can trigger overreactions and allegations.  With BPD, the risks are amplified.  Be cautious in the meantime.

Yes, I too experienced allegations.  And CPS and family court allowed them to continue.  I wouldn't have been surprised if CPS had confided, "Well, maybe on the 99th complaint there might be some basis for it."

We had only one child after over 10 years married.  She withdrew and had every indication of PPD (post partum depression) yet when we separated & I started divorce, she immediately stopped her sobbing and started working again.  Though to this day she still calls me evil.