Dear BPD Family, I never knew so many of you existed

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Everyday for the last few months, I have been checking up on this forum.   And I am sadden by the amount of hurt I see in everyone.  I am blown away.  I never knew this community existed until I encountered this type of individual myself.

When I make a post, my post would go to the very top.  24 hours later, it's back at the bottom 20.  There is tons of traffic.

This tells me how much pain you all are all going through and that there are so many of you.  And I feel for you all.

Tonight, it has been revealed to me that my hunches and everything that I have suspected has been true.  Purely confirmed.  She is now coming out of the closet with that ex-bf of hers that she's been with all along.  She's been keeping it on the down low for time to pass by, now it's out in the open.  This was all on Facebook by the way.  I've avoided for some time now, but I think she's been trying to find  away to let it be known to me.

At this point, there is no more chance for friendship.  I've dealt with enough pain over this woman.  I have never seen anyone so heartless in my life.  While she's undiagnosed, the way it's affected me and how it's so similar to many of you folks has indicated to me that she has to be one, along with all the symptoms and action.

I had to take a breather and walk tonight as I found out some information.  I no longer want to be in pain over this woman anymore.  I've healed a lot since our NC but there were triggers.  This has become ridiculous.

I am so sorry for all of you as I truly know how you feel.  I keep seeing new posters and new updates and it is ridiculously endless on this forum.  When I first posted here, I literally thought there will be just a few posts a day from people, but the amount of traffic here shocks me.

But I now understand.

She's dead to me now.  

This anger and resentment that I have never seen existed in my life before has manifested.  I am going to generate that anger into something positive.  I am no longer going to look back as I move forward into the future.  

As for those who were following my story regarding mutual friends meeting up in support of her cancer bout - i am completely removing myself from that group entirely now if they are involved with her at all.  They have no idea who she really is.

It's real now.  This girl loves to hurt.   She knows how to do it in the most devious subtle ways.  

As someone has mentioned in one my of my threads:  She is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.  It's as if she has to be a devil.  No joke.

I think my avoidance the last few months has been affecting her and now she's bringing out all the guns.  

And I am no longer going to think about her again.  My focus is going to be of the future God, my family, and myself.

I have a lot of potential in life but I have been stagnant for quite some time.  This has to be the wake up call for me.  I feel as if all this happened to me because God wants to test my ability to forgive when something really painful occurs in my life.  He also wants to bring out the best in me as I have been quite a slouch for the past few years.  I've been given a lot of opportunity but I haven't been taking them.

As of tonight, I am ready.

[LuckyNicki]

Everyday for the last few months, I have been checking up on this forum.   And I am sadden by the amount of hurt I see in everyone.  I am blown away.  I never knew this community existed until I encountered this type of individual myself.

When I make a post, my post would go to the very top.  24 hours later, it's back at the bottom 20.  There is tons of traffic.

This tells me how much pain you all are all going through and that there are so many of you.  And I feel for you all.

Tonight, it has been revealed to me that my hunches and everything that I have suspected has been true.  Purely confirmed.  She is now coming out of the closet with that ex-bf of hers that she's been with all along.  She's been keeping it on the down low for time to pass by, now it's out in the open.  This was all on Facebook by the way.  I've avoided for some time now, but I think she's been trying to find  away to let it be known to me.

At this point, there is no more chance for friendship.  I've dealt with enough pain over this woman.  I have never seen anyone so heartless in my life.  While she's undiagnosed, the way it's affected me and how it's so similar to many of you folks has indicated to me that she has to be one, along with all the symptoms and action.

I had to take a breather and walk tonight as I found out some information.  I no longer want to be in pain over this woman anymore.  I've healed a lot since our NC but there were triggers.  This has become ridiculous.

I am so sorry for all of you as I truly know how you feel.  I keep seeing new posters and new updates and it is ridiculously endless on this forum.  When I first posted here, I literally thought there will be just a few posts a day from people, but the amount of traffic here shocks me.

But I now understand.

She's dead to me now.  

This anger and resentment that I have never seen existed in my life before has manifested.  I am going to generate that anger into something positive.  I am no longer going to look back as I move forward into the future.  

As for those who were following my story regarding mutual friends meeting up in support of her cancer bout - i am completely removing myself from that group entirely now if they are involved with her at all.  They have no idea who she really is.

It's real now.  This girl loves to hurt.   She knows how to do it in the most devious subtle ways.  

As someone has mentioned in one my of my threads:  She is truly a wolf in sheep's clothing.  It's as if she has to be a devil.  No joke.

I think my avoidance the last few months has been affecting her and now she's bringing out all the guns.  

And I am no longer going to think about her again.  My focus is going to be of the future God, my family, and myself.

I have a lot of potential in life but I have been stagnant for quite some time.  This has to be the wake up call for me.  I feel as if all this happened to me because God wants to test my ability to forgive when something really painful occurs in my life.  He also wants to bring out the best in me as I have been quite a slouch for the past few years.  I've been given a lot of opportunity but I haven't been taking them.

As of tonight, I am ready.

[heartandwhole]

I am ready.

Fantastic, LuckyNicki.  Do it for you.  This is your time to heal, to grow, and to shine. 

How can you channel that very understandable anger into something positive for yourself?

[LuckyNicki]

I am ready.

Fantastic, LuckyNicki.  Do it for you.  This is your time to heal, to grow, and to shine. 

How can you channel that very understandable anger into something positive for yourself?

I was soft.  No longer will I be soft.  I've witnessed selfishness at one of the highest levels.  While I won't bring myself ever to that level of selfishness, I do know that everything that I do will be for me.

I am one of those people that understand what it takes to improve in life.  Now I am truly ready to act on it.  I just pray God will continue providing that clear path for me. 

[tholian]

Dear LuckyNicki,

Yes, you are not alone in this situation. I thought that as well. Wondered how can I be suffering for loving someone. In my understanding on what happened to me, I found bpdfamily. Then it all began to click into place. I was in a no win situation.

 This girl loves to hurt.   She knows how to do it in the most devious subtle ways.

This is so true. Even when I was going through the recycle, she triangulated me. I did set some ground rules such as no more ex bf, no more lying and to build the trust up after the fooled with another guy. (foolish of me rite). She promised me not to repeat all that and did it anyway.

One thing I hate the most is that she will get damp upset ifnintalk about the past or tell her whatsoever did is wrong. For her, i should not bring up anything, even to make a point, not to blame but to say it out so that we can learn from there.

She walked out from me saying that she have cut all contacts with her ex and want to do the same,even so that she can concentrate on her self, but now she is back with her ex (who have treated her badly and caused her pain)

Like you, I should treat her like she is dead to me. Set myself free from her.

Regards,

Tholian

[Narellan]

Dear luckynicki you sound like an amazing strong person with lots of support. I'm also so grateful for this BPD family, it has been my lifeline. I'm also a forgiving person but this time the anger from the betrayal needs to be worked through for me. I'm not ready to forgive anyone yet, only myself and that's the hardest thing for me ATM. I need to recognise my part in this relationship of doom and forgive myself for being so blind. Within a few hours of meeting my ex BPD I had a huge vision/ epiphany that I was going to learn so much from him. And I have. It's been one hell of a trip. But looking back when I'm not in so much pain I can already see what changes I need to make in my life. And for that I am very grateful. Xx

[cosmonaut]

I am going to generate that anger into something positive.  I am no longer going to look back as I move forward into the future.  

This is powerful stuff.  Harness all that emotion and energy and direct it into something positive.  Improve yourself.  Become who you have always wanted to be.  There's nothing holding you back now.  You're free. 

I've been thinking similar thoughts today.  I could spend the rest of my life furious in anger with my ex and become a sad and broken man.  Or, I can face my fears and my pain and work on letting them go.  I made a list of things I want to start working on this evening.  I'm kind of excited to start on it.   There is a new me waiting to be born.  When I emerge from this, I will be someone much different and much better than the man I was before.

[Narellan]

It's like a near death experience I feel. When you come out of the pain, you're just so grateful to be alive and stating anew.