A Smidgen of Hope

[Swimmy55]

I am almost afraid to post this , but yesterday a substance abuse counselor for my son contacted me for his mental  information and stated son's father is in touch with him as well.  I sent an email to the father to confirm.  No answer.  So what I did is submitted a history of son's hospitalizations, diagnoses, etc and removed any identifying info.  I also cc'd the father as well.  I have been lied to ,and bamboozled so much by DS in the past I can't even trust if this is a new ploy or not.  
According to the counselor , he is working with my son and the father to get SSI( Disability) for him .  This is wonderful, but I am not allowing myself to get my hopes up too far as they have been dashed into the dirt so many times.  If this is indeed true and if DS pursues this , then maybe , just maybe by letting him go, some good came out of it? I can't get my mind around it yet, but I am keeping on with the no direct contact with the son and stopping payment on all things except for  his hospital bills .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Swimmy, I hope things work out for him and that yes, letting him go does lead to something positive for him sooner rather than later.   

I think you are smart to stay grounded in reality while still being hopeful.

 

[Only Human]

then maybe , just maybe by letting him go, some good came out of it?

You made a tough decision, but one that was necessary for your own safety and emotional well-being. I'm here, being hopeful with you, Swimmy, and believe that, indeed, some good has already come from your decision. You are safer and your DS was sent a clear signal.

~ OH

[Lollypop]

Hi Swimmy

A “smidgen” is a great word!

Even if it turns out not to be true, your son knows what his next step could be. It’s up to him now.

How are you doing?  Are your home repairs all done now?

LP

[Swimmy55]

Thank you all for your kind words, they really help me .
It turns out DS contacted a "sobriety buddy" from a text crisis line.  This is what the person told me. So , not a counselor and not drug rehab.  The buddy also told me he met with DS, they "hung out" to make sure DS wasn't using.  Apparently DS told him he got diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder from a health clinic...  
1. Nothing is showing up on my health insurance about  said health clinic.  
2. He was never dx with Antisocial by legit psychotherapist back in March .
Maybe he could have a couple of traits of Antisocial, but that is definitely not the main dx/  
My issue is that I allowed myself to  get some sort of validation from son's actions." Oh wow, everything we both went through , we / I now get my happy ending.  "
I also have to let go of how he is choosing to see himself and whether or not he accepts his whole diagnosis/ gets appropriate help. 
Thank you all for reminding me that I already have my validation- the peace in the house and not living in terror any more.  
I kind of feel this is at the expense of my son, but I also have to remember he made some life threatening choices and the consequence is that he can't possibly live under the same roof as I do.  
Hi Lollypop, I would say 80% of the work is complete.  Still a couple of interior doors were destroyed, a closet has holes,etc . some furniture I haven't replaced that he busted up, but I can take my time with these items.  I am forcing myself to look upon this as an opportunity to refresh and recycle.  

[Huat]

Hi Swimmy55

Reading back over your posts...it has been quite a run for you with your son.  It is nice to read that your home is now a safe place for you...the way it should be!

I think I also read in one of your previous posts that you have gone (are going) to therapy for yourself?  You do yoga, aqua aerobics, reading...and...you want to try roller skating.  You go, Girl!  You have gone over-and-above in trying to help your son but right now you have to get your head above water...and make sure to keep it there. 

I, too, have a challenging son who tends to "stretch the truth."  Many times I have brightened up after hearing something encouraging that I so wanted/needed to hear from him...only to crash when I found otherwise.

Now I work on not asking questions.  He is an adult.  He is his own boss.  I don't need the stress that comes with trying to decipher if the answer is true or false.

((HUGS) from Huat.   

[Swimmy55]

Thank you Huat.

[Lollypop]

Hi swimmy

the peace in the house and not living in terror any more. 
I kind of feel this is at the expense of my son,

We all deserve happier lives.

Your happiness and well being is your responsibility. 

Your son is responsible for his, not you. He may be growing despite you not seeing it. Progress isn’t linear.

The best thing you can do right now is work on yourself.
You’re getting stronger as each day passes.

LP