Similar experience here... .She seemed so genuine and caring when she ended things... .almost as if things were real and that we could recover. "She needed time to herself... .needed to be single... .it was her and not me" We'd get lunch in a month or so and talk about things. "Things were really up in the air" But then two weeks later she was hanging out with the guy that she tried to sabotage the relationship with anyway in the first place. Not too long after that she was "dating somebody'... .Yep.
The longer I'm out of it the more I see it as a blessing that I'm out of it. You know, it was never had anything to do with us. These relationships, with these kinds of people, are by definition chaotic. They can and do work out occasionally but when they don't, don't they teach us something about ourselves? The empathetic part of me does feel deeply for her pain, but I found out that that's not love. I had to accept that some things are just out of my control and I have to take care of myself and not get caught up with the "poor me" types. Childhood issues, too, my mother's personality was similiar, difficult relationship... .My grandparents practically raised me. My mother painted my father as a bad person but as an adult I know him much differently. I almost repeated that cycle but this r/s hurt me deeply and woke me up too. What was your lesson?
Still trying to figure out what my lesson is. Maybe to watch out a bit more, and to look for certain behavior? Like early declaration of love, super texting, then stonewalling, things like that.
I actually sent her a text today; it had been 6 weeks since I sent the last one. Maybe I should not do so but I did. Limited contact. No answer from her of course and I don't expect any as I am sure my number is blocked. I said so in the text anyway. More or less it was that I had spent a few days in Jasper thinknig about us. I had bought a large tent which was to be for us and her boys. (They had asked me to take them camping at one time as they knew I camped. )
I told her I thought part of what brought it on was her fear of abondonment (I have never mentioned BPD as I don't think she even knows) and that it was that which prompted her to abaondon me so I could not abaondon her and then find another BF quickly to fill the void. I also mentioned that I thouhgt her anxieties got the better of her. I said I cared about her and would never have abandoned her; in fact saying I wanted to commit to a deeper realtionship with her before the breakup.
Maybe I am the crazy one no?
I look back at my own childhood and recent came to realize my father was a religious narcist. We had a very strict upbringing. I look at my divorce as well, and how that related to my upbringing, and my X-wife was very much the same. My xgfwBPD was very different from that so I found it interesting and I was very open to a relationship with her. In recent years for me trying to form a relationship with "church girls" has proved impossible once they find out about the divorce. I have actually even stopped going to church.
I see this maybe as a warning to myself as to what can happen. Yet I still would go back to her or take her back if she wanted; though I would insist we go for therapy together as ssit would be needed looking at what happened to us.
Another side of me says to walk way. Leave it alone and walk away. Yet this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss her boys too as I grew attached to them, and they to me. I am sure she lied to them as to what happened, saying I left them. Oh and here is a new guy... .whom the relationship will also not work out as she knew the guy a week before "dating" him.
In time with her not responding then I will move on. I have had 2-3 other ladies express interest though the closest one is a 3 hour drive and the other 2 across the country. And all of them are dealing with their own issues with recent breakups, one in a divorce and rehab (I have know her all my life though and we should have dated as teens) , one fled a narcist whom almost killed her and so on.