I feel for you in this situation of the home and the memories.
I am 7 days out of a long term relationship with my BPD partner. We moved from one home to another to escape some "bad memories" that in retrospect I understand were BPD trait related.
We moved into a new, larger home (that I needed as I started a work from home job and needed space). The neighborhood, location, size, and features of the home were perfect for both of us. The first 4-6 months things were good, the house was well kept up, and we were upgrading and improving it to be our "forever" home so to speak. As he got more comfortable and his BPD settled in as he got older, things began to go down hill in the home.
6 years after we moved into this house, as our relationship crashed and burned due to a horrible combo of substance/alcohol and BPD, the house is a shell of what it once was, I barely recognize it.
Years of him not giving a
PLEASE READ about anything in the house and just not caring have left it in shambles. All the projects he was going to "tackle" that I couldn't get him to do, but also wasn't allowed to do myself or hire someone to do, are left undone. I gave him a larger common room in the house to start a business in, that ended up spreading to all ends of the home to the point where I feel like I live in a garage not a house. I basically have 2 rooms that are not tainted, my office and the kitchen.
The last 6 weeks as things got really bad, my BPD partner began a pattern of destroying things and the house. There are over a dozen holes in the walls that he has punched or kicked (or in one case head butted). Some the size of a fist or a foot, others you could throw a beach ball through. Photos and other things were destroyed in fits of rage. Carpets were stained, things that had sentimental meaning to me and/or him/us were destroyed. All of this was "my fault" I was told after they happened.
Now, with him gone I'm left with this 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom large home where just me and memories of someone I love so much still it makes me physically hurt are left. I am barely getting by emotionally, I haven't even begun to look at what getting the home fixed would take. I'm just trying to get through each day at this point.
So, to turn this back to your post, do you feel like leaving your homes in the past mattered? Do you regret having done so? Part of me wants to make this house "mine" again so that myself and maybe someone else in the future if I can get to that point, could have a great life in this home. I'm just not sure if I can live here without the fond memories and the traumatic ones haunting me everyday.