Strategy for going no contact

[Boll2017]

I read the going no contact tips. 

https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

Interested to know any lessons learned from folks

I am preparing to leave my spouse now.   Due to a history of physical abuse, my attorney agrees in an email to me that I should move out when she is out and leave a simple note with little explanation.  Haven’t had a chance to talk to him but my take is the note will be a starting point for her to engage in divorce conflict so avoid giving her ammunition.

For myself, I need to detach from the FOG an she will surely throw more FOG at me when I detach.  My plan is to not answer her calls or texts.   Only look at emails but not respond for a few days to give me some space.   

Does this strategy make sense?  Also, I am debating if I should raise the no contact expectation in the note or just let the no contact emerge as she emails me.   

[Mutt]

You might want to have a look at this article by Dr Joe Carver. The strategies are broken down in stages and it advocates slow detachment from the pwBPD to make yourself a small target.

PDF | Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder

For myself, I need to detach from the FOG an she will surely throw more FOG at me when I detach.

If she throws more FOG at you we can support you here, there's always someone to talk to. I'd focus on detachment first and worry about NC later although you do have more than one choice. If you slowly detach from your ex you may not face as much FOG as you think.

[Boll2017]

When I read the article, I was pleased to see that I am on the right track in recent weeks.  I’ve been reticent about telling how I am feeling.  Been blaming antidepressant side effects.  Not as good as simply saying I am depressed but i think it sets the stage well enough. Will now say i feel depressed.  I will continue to use that tact after leaving

Once I leave. I will not totally cut her off but won’t respond to every call or message.  I know she will shower me.  When I do talk to her I see need to not provide any hope.  Stay firm And keep conversations neutral.  

Thanks for the support