Mom had 90% custody. To this day we have never filed a motion or requested more time. Mom wasn't happy with 90% rolleyes
wow, it amazes me how greedy they can be.
She took us to court to ask for 100% and the mediator was instantly alarmed at moms vehemently hostile stance against dad having his daughter for more than a dinner out a couple times a year, (when SHE thought it was appropriate and for sure without that nasty bravhart along) yes, she said that to the mediator.
Your husband must have been going crazy, Before I took my ex to court she was allowing me to see my daughter here and there at her house and if I sneezed the wrong way she would throw me out. The longest I went without seeing my daughter was 3 weeks and it nearly killed me, I was a walking zombie. My ex drew up this totally lopsided visitation schedule with all these crazy stipulations which gave me 2 hrs a week with my daughter split in 2 days. I refused to sign it and she said I was no longer allowed to see my daughter until I signed it, I filed the next day and when she got served is when she let me see my daughter again in hopes I would withdraw my summons.
I didn't withdraw and over a year later she is still furious that I took her to court. I can only imagine how she is going to react when I go for primary custody.
Fourth attempt judge said we gotta have a CE and that's what got her some time back. CE felt she would stop her PAS if she just got a little more time back, wrong.
That's sad, the courts just don't seem to get it. I really feel it should be mandatory that family courts or any court for that matter should be educated and trained on how to identify and deal with PDs. They deal with it enough and it would save a lot of time and money I think.
But the good news for you is that I see the courts being much more proactive when dealing with this stuff. One thing we were VERY careful not to do was use the term PAS. We described in detail what we were seeing and experiencing and let them come to the conclusion that she was high conflict, BPD and causing PAS in her child.
I plan to do just that, I only hope I get someone insightful enough to see things clearly on both sides.
Document every bad act by BPD and the things your child says or does, which I kick myself for not doing all the time tongue and even send yourself emails describing your experiences with situations. It is sometimes easier to write yourself an email and then you also have a true time stamp on the days for court if needed.
I have kept a daily journal( im actually on my 2nd notebook ) from the day of court, Its tiresome and like a part time job but so worth it. Im amazed when I look back at the journals and see how many issues from my ex have taken place its at about 90% conflict vs 10% peaceful. I have text, email and video to back my journal up as well.
I hate that they do this, but it doesn't stop. Your daughter is so young, don't give up. You have a better shot than most of us that you caught it so early. We didn't even hear the term borderline from the T until about a year ago
Thank you for the encouragement and support.
Therapist wants us to file for exparte relief and ask for supervised visits. L thinks it's a 50/50 shot,but since we just went to court last April, the special master should get a chance to "fix it" rolleyes
DH is stressed about the next $50,000 this will cost, we are out of savings. I get it, I do. My entire salary last year went to lawyers and courts, and therapists, all for BPDm's issues. Pretty disgusting, and exhausting.
I just want this very confused little girl to get some peace. From where I stand, this looks like more than child abuse, it looks like torture.
Its so horrible the toll this takes, the lives it destroys in so many ways. I really wish more things were in place to protect the kids and families from this, If we can see this disorder so should the courts. I don't know what the answer or fix is but I definitely have some ideas.
I really hope it gets better for your sd6 and you and your family, no child or family should have to go through this.
And she became angry and said its because we keep her from her mom.
And we are crumbs.
It's so hard to see her defend her mom when she knows deep down it's not making sense. But she seems to be almost intent on believing the most unbelievable and impossible when it comes to her mom and only the worst of the normal, loving, stable people she knows take care of her. Us. It's down right scary.
I know first hand about how you feel on this, my son who is 11 and from a deferent R/S then my daughter. I have had custody of him since the divorce in 2007 because his mom didn't want the responsibility of a family or kids, his mom rarely sees him maybe 5 times a year (her choice). It really does a job on my son not seeing his mom, he has abandonment issues and anger problems over it, I have him in counseling. The thing that really bothered me was for the past 8 yrs I have been the one taking care of him, going to events, school functions, comforting him when hes upset and trying to be mom and dad for him. After all this he still seems more loyal to his mom, making excuses for her when she doesn't show up to see him ,going months without even a phone call and if she says jump he says how high. The thing im trying to work with my son is to see reality and not to change facts around or warp reality to make things perfect in his mind to where his mom isn't doing anything wrong to him. Validation has helped a lot and I quit trying to make him see the truth and instead presented it to him, after a while and after I let him know its normal and ok to feel how he feels he starts to see the truth.
Its hard and not all kids handle things the same, I hope your SD6 sees the truth one day about her BPD mom and I think she will because she obviously has 2 other parents that care for her very much