1----I'm confused, because he insisted it was a serious relationship before
2----- I'm hurt because it seemed serious and now he devalues it.
Hi shatra,
I understand your confusion and I'm sorry you're hurting.
He probably meant it at the time (serious relationship).
When your partner unilaterally changes the terms of the relationship don't go along with it. Let him know you love him and want to be with him but as a romantic partner, not as "just friends". Don't settle or participate in "not so serious between us" vibe.
Understand his need for space but don't tolerate toxic dynamics (break up, recycle).
If you are looking for a serious relationship with a pwBPD you have to take the lead, stand up for what you believe and communicate assertively. Don't let him take you for granted.
I get "breaks" from my boyfriend, too. That can be hard because it seems like shady things happen a lot during those times. It can be pretty confusing and upsetting.
I can relate to this Daniell85. What seems to "work" for me with my BPDgf is to find a balance between understanding her unhealthy coping mechanism and accepting her need for space but also communicating calmly it is not OK to break up, date other people and then expect to recycle. Letting her know, lovingly, that if she leaves again, it's forever.
Good luck
mw