Does couples/relationship therapy help?

[Loosestrife]

Hi,

I have a very insightful pwBPD who has started group therapy and now wants to go to see a relationship therapist together as a couple. We both agree that the main issue is my pwBPD can't control anger. Im not really sure what going to a T together will achieve. I use SET /other tools regularly and understand that it is not directed at me, but the emotional fall out for my SO is enormous and long lasting. We both acknowledge each other feelings and eventually things blow over after a break.

Has anyone else found coulples therapy helpful and how/why?

Thanks

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ceruleanblue]

My BPDh and I started MC about a two months ago. I think it's helped quite a bit. BPDh is also in DBT, and it seems to be helping. He has most symptoms of BPD except suicidal ideation, but it was his anger that I found hardest to live with. The DBT seems to be helping with his BPD symptoms, but I feel MC is helping with his boundaries and learning how to deal with his angry(and likely PD) adult, grown kids, who've been a huge issue in our marriage. I think it depends on the couple, and the pwBPD, in how effective MC will be.

As your pwBPD sounds receptive to it, I'd give it a try. My motto is keep trying things, and find out what works.

[formflier]

 

Yes... .it has the ability to help.

Even if you "just" learn better communication skills... .that is good.

Don't expect it to go fast... .just expect to get together and communicate... .understand how your actions affect the r/s in positive and negative ways.

Don't focus on how your partners actions affect it.

FF

[Loosestrife]

Thanks both

[married21years]

yes helps with communication and self esteem and CBT was employed, but there were lies in session. this caused problems in itself.

you will also hopefully learn to stay calm and validate.

[gomez_addams]

Our first try at MC seemed good, until the counselor (great one, IMO) struck a chord with her. He got her to open up about something, and she never went back. Had a migtlraine three or four sessions in a row and had to cancel.

The second round was the worst time in my life. I had just learned about BPD, and was in the early stages of trying to learn the tools. Worst. Experience. Ever. The MC would give an exercise, and the stbx uBPDw would critique me for trying it.

I was disappointed that we stopped going to the first one.

Was relieved when uBPDw demanded we stop going to the second one.

In hindsight, I probably should have burned some vacation time and went to uBPDw's home state to sit in with her T (DBT, from eating disorder treatment). That might have been productive.

In hindsight, if I had bought shares of Wal-Mart thirty years ago I never would have met her because I'd have been on my yatch that evening. Oh, well.

Gomez