I don’t know why Ive suddenly had this feeling right now, but I have an overwhelming feeling of failure in relation to my time with her. I keep going over and over in my mind that if I was more of a man I wouldn’t have stood for her s**t and let her get away with her giving me the silent treatment, her outbursts of anger and her picking holes in me – especially over the last few weeks that we were together. Its supposed to be getting easier as it goes along, but I keep getting these horrible waves going over me. Its her birthday on Thursday and I just know Im going to get these pangs of pain, I just hope it comes and goes without any drama.
Mate... .
We can all relate to this.
We all thought we
1) could save her
2) thought love would prevail
3) cling to little words and therefore continued to allow them to BS with us
4) if we keep fighting we could turn it around while keep allowing them to smear us, or rage at us, or just lie at us, or act like idiots ... .
5) if we tried harder, stood up for ourselves and showed them who were really were ... . maybe ... . maybe they wanted us back ... .
You can see it as a big oil tanker. When there is no captain on the boat, it will just steer in 1 direction. Whether you shout, go wash it, or try to stop the engines... . when such a thing is in motion ... . it just doesn't stop... .
Whatever we tried... .
Why you have those feelings? Why? Mate ... . because after a break up of a BPD relationship, the NON does not have closure. Having no closure of a relationship ... . which on the contrast of a normal relationship was 200x times more intense, it's 200x times the pain ... . WITH NO CLOSURE! ... . so your head thinks ... .
Hold on a minute ... . what just happened? I want back to that good ol' feeling.
