It is so cruel and sad

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

After so many words, so many things, so many promises... .he is in his house picturing himself as a victim, surrounded by his "friends"... .one of them will be more than a friend soon... .and here I am. Alone, in my pj's, writing on a board, I cannot even thinking of dating anymore in my life.
His silence has always been his deadly weapon. It has killed so much inside me. The silence now, and the omissions before, destroyed everything.
I cannot even remember the good times now. It hurts so much.

Why, why, why.

[UnforgivenII]

After so many words, so many things, so many promises... .he is in his house picturing himself as a victim, surrounded by his "friends"... .one of them will be more than a friend soon... .and here I am. Alone, in my pj's, writing on a board, I cannot even thinking of dating anymore in my life.
His silence has always been his deadly weapon. It has killed so much inside me. The silence now, and the omissions before, destroyed everything.
I cannot even remember the good times now. It hurts so much.

Why, why, why.

[marti644]

Unforgiven,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. This is tough and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make this better right away. We are here for you. Hang in there!

[UnforgivenII]

Thank you Marti.

[marti644]

Just remember that there is no "why" on the part of your ex. If he has BPD there is no logic. You are the one who is free: you have logic, you have feelings, you know how to love.

Those with BPD don't, they can't without treatment. For them they are stuck in a cycle of lies, manipulation and perpetual pain; not a fulfilling life.

 You are now free of that if you go full NC. Love yourself, and know that none of this was your fault. You can't control a BPD's actions and reactions and neither can they. Feel sad because you care, and that makes you an emotionally healthy person! That was the first step for me.

[roberto516]

After so many words, so many things, so many promises... .he is in his house picturing himself as a victim, surrounded by his "friends"... .one of them will be more than a friend soon... .and here I am. Alone, in my pj's, writing on a board, I cannot even thinking of dating anymore in my life.
His silence has always been his deadly weapon. It has killed so much inside me. The silence now, and the omissions before, destroyed everything.
I cannot even remember the good times now. It hurts so much.

Why, why, why.

I'm so sorry  the weekends have been the toughest for me. I'm still struggling but I blocked all avenues of her ever reaching out. I found that when her number or email weren't blocked I became warped with wondering if she'd reach out. Now even if she reaches out, I won't know. And I can't check to see if she did. I did this because the silence killed me too. It's one of the biggest forms of emotional abuse there is.

Maybe this will help you too? Hang in there.

[cubicinch]

we really have all been there, in a similar place as you are now... hang in there, be strong and eventually you will self heal. Talk to people, get it out of you. Cutting all the ties is really the only way, and eventually you will start to see how wrong the relationship was, but ultimately, as caring people we never really stop loving, you just learn to accept and move on. There's an old saying: better to have loved n lost than never loved at all. It is a part of life, but also probably the hardest thing to live with. You will get through it!

[Duped 1]

I'm so sorry. I'm 5 mos out from a cruel discard and have been demonized to her family. It's been the most difficult experience of my life and I never considered suicide a real option until this. I was an absolute train wreck while she was immediately w the next guy. I am improving. We have the opportunity for a brighter future whereas they don't. Sending warm wishes your way!

[UnforgivenII]

we really have all been there, in a similar place as you are now... hang in there, be strong and eventually you will self heal. Talk to people, get it out of you. Cutting all the ties is really the only way, and eventually you will start to see how wrong the relationship was, but ultimately, as caring people we never really stop loving, you just learn to accept and move on. There's an old saying: better to have loved n lost than never loved at all. It is a part of life, but also probably the hardest thing to live with. You will get through it!

Thank you so much. I am looking forward to feeling better.

[UnforgivenII]

I'm so sorry. I'm 5 mos out from a cruel discard and have been demonized to her family. It's been the most difficult experience of my life and I never considered suicide a real option until this. I was an absolute train wreck while she was immediately w the next guy. I am improving. We have the opportunity for a brighter future whereas they don't. Sending warm wishes your way!

I was in the verge of suicide too last Summer when he discarded me. Now I discarded him. The pain is strong but it has another shape. It is more bitterness and hopelessness.
We will improve together. 

[roberto516]

I was in the verge of suicide too last Summer when he discarded me. Now I discarded him. The pain is strong but it has another shape. It is more bitterness and hopelessness.
We will improve together. 

I too didn't feel like it was worth living. And the way she now has her family hating me. When we first broke up her mom sent me a message saying they got season tickets to a local sports team next season and if me and her would like to go to some games. I thanked her and then my ex asked if I spoke to her. I said I did and I asked if she knew we were broken up. She said yeah but her mom thought maybe we were still friends. She said I could still talk to her mom however.

Little later I messaged her mom and told her "Thanks for the offer but she broke up with me and I don't think we will be getting together again." Her mom said "We (her husband and her) really liked me and maybe she will change her mind."

Then one day I was berated by my ex for feeling depressed still and I began to get angry. She then told me she called her dad who got his attorney to document everything I was saying. So now he thinks I'm crazy. Then when she asked me to bring the dog over I told her no because I was going on a date with a girl I met through my friend. She then told her mom "Stop talking to him he already has a new girlfriend." I specifically told my ex it was just someone I was going to go out with for drinks because I didn't want to wait around for her to one day love me again. So now her mom probably thinks I'm a sleaze who was trying to win her back while I already had a replacement.

Which stinks because I loved her parents. And I remember when we first started dating her mom would call her last boyfriend "a lunatic". So now they probably think of me the same way. Not understanding how she discarded/manipulated/and berated me for feeling sad that she dumped me. But you know what? That doesn't matter. Deep down they probably know the truth. Or maybe they don't. She's always the victim. Just wanted to share that I could relate to how they turn the family against you as well.

[cubicinch]

I too didn't feel like it was worth living. And the way she now has her family hating me. When we first broke up her mom sent me a message saying they got season tickets to a local sports team next season and if me and her would like to go to some games. I thanked her and then my ex asked if I spoke to her. I said I did and I asked if she knew we were broken up. She said yeah but her mom thought maybe we were still friends. She said I could still talk to her mom however.

Little later I messaged her mom and told her "Thanks for the offer but she broke up with me and I don't think we will be getting together again." Her mom said "We (her husband and her) really liked me and maybe she will change her mind."

Then one day I was berated by my ex for feeling depressed still and I began to get angry. She then told me she called her dad who got his attorney to document everything I was saying. So now he thinks I'm crazy. Then when she asked me to bring the dog over I told her no because I was going on a date with a girl I met through my friend. She then told her mom "Stop talking to him he already has a new girlfriend." I specifically told my ex it was just someone I was going to go out with for drinks because I didn't want to wait around for her to one day love me again. So now her mom probably thinks I'm a sleaze who was trying to win her back while I already had a replacement.

Which stinks because I loved her parents. And I remember when we first started dating her mom would call her last boyfriend "a lunatic". So now they probably think of me the same way. Not understanding how she discarded/manipulated/and berated me for feeling sad that she dumped me. But you know what? That doesn't matter. Deep down they probably know the truth. Or maybe they don't. She's always the victim. Just wanted to share that I could relate to how they turn the family against you as well.

again it's another red flag... you learn like I did that they always blame the other person, it's never them... I was lucky, I met my girlfriends father and was able to go back to see him after things went belly up, to expresss my concerns about her mental state. He confirmed it wasn't me, and she had always followed the same pattern, and to them as well, blaming the boyfriends. They'll never get out of this pattern and probably end up alone. sad, but they can't see they need help.

[AustenJ]

Roberto-
Definitely her behavior towards you is nothing new to her parents. They are stuck with her and her BPD. I'm pretty sure these threats are only coming from your ex and not from her parents.

My ex would hate and rage on her mother and brothers frequently; she would rarely go home on weekends tho she only lived 3 hours away... .at times not seeing them for 9 months; over Christmas break she raged at her mom in front of extended family cuz her mother didn't want her drinking... .

Her family was there for her when she attempted suicide in college and was in a residential treatment program for an eating disorder... .one of the last things she told me after the discard was that she had had another rage event against her mother and that's why she was finally in therapy... .our relationship was never important enough for her to seek treatment... .but she still refuses to share with her mom that she was previously diagnosed with BPD

Trust me, family may not be able to give it a name, but they have seen this dysfunctional behavior for much longer than we have.

[cubicinch]

Roberto-
Definitely her behavior towards you is nothing new to her parents. They are stuck with her and her BPD. I'm pretty sure these threats are only coming from your ex and not from her parents.

My ex would hate and rage on her mother and brothers frequently; she would rarely go home on weekends tho she only lived 3 hours away... .at times not seeing them for 9 months; over Christmas break she raged at her mom in front of extended family cuz her mother didn't want her drinking... .

Her family was there for her when she attempted suicide in college and was in a residential treatment program for an eating disorder... .one of the last things she told me after the discard was that she had had another rage event against her mother and that's why she was finally in therapy... .our relationship was never important enough for her to seek treatment... .but she still refuses to share with her mom that she was previously diagnosed with BPD

Trust me, family may not be able to give it a name, but they have seen this dysfunctional behavior for much longer than we have.

I'll second that, it's not just their romantic partners that feel the wrath of a BPD. I was lucky, I went to see her father to tell him I was concerned about her erratic unexplainable behaviour, and he was very good with me, he explained a lot and then I could see it wasn't me and start on the road to closure and recovery.

[lovenature]

I cannot even remember the good times now. It hurts so much.

Why, why, why.

Not remembering the good times and hurting as much as you are is part of the healing process, just allow yourself to think your thoughts and feel your feelings, and remember that life is like a river, constantly flowing and ever changing.

Why? Because a very serious mental illness ran it's course.

[lovenature]

Hi Unforgiven,

I know it is painful being alone and picking up the pieces while your ex. moves on so quickly.
I am not ready for another relationship either, and I want to make sure I am so I don't hurt a good person.
The positive, which I know is so hard to see, is that the quiet solitude is peaceful and to me far better than the chaos and drama of a BPD relationship.
Take care of yourself.