Lies

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everyone.

Lies.

Please tell me I am not alone.
Let's start with the ... .ehm... .smaller ones.

The relationship with his ex A. ended in 2011.
Then, it was 2015, all of a sudden.
The relationship with his ex C. ended last March. Then, last August. Then... .December.
His job at the glass factory ended in 2013.
Then, it ended in 2015.

Unluckily I am a teacher and one of my best asset is my memory... .what a curse.

Then, the texts : "It is just an update from the provider." "Oh these updates! What a nuisance!"

The biggest lies:
I love you
I never cheated on you.

What were your lies?

[UnforgivenII]

Hello everyone.

Lies.

Please tell me I am not alone.
Let's start with the ... .ehm... .smaller ones.

The relationship with his ex A. ended in 2011.
Then, it was 2015, all of a sudden.
The relationship with his ex C. ended last March. Then, last August. Then... .December.
His job at the glass factory ended in 2013.
Then, it ended in 2015.

Unluckily I am a teacher and one of my best asset is my memory... .what a curse.

Then, the texts : "It is just an update from the provider." "Oh these updates! What a nuisance!"

The biggest lies:
I love you
I never cheated on you.

What were your lies?

[jonmnemonic]

1. Said she ended previous relationship in January but in May didn't want to be seen with me in case her "ex" saw us together.
2. Said he stayed overnight but only slept on the couch and nothing happened.
3. Said she was over her ex then proceeded to run a smear campaign on him.
4. Said she just went to help him clean his place but spent the weekend with him then later denied it ever took place.
5. Said he was the only person she ever cheated on me with.
6. Said they never went all the way.
7. Said she loved me.
8. Said she had nothing to hide.
9. Said she'd tell me if she ever cheated on me.
10. Said she was so good at hiding things I'd never find out if she cheated on me.
11. Said she wanted me to have a relationship with my family.
12. Said she wanted me to spend time with my friends.

[lucky013]

1. Said she ended previous relationship in January but in May didn't want to be seen with me in case her "ex" saw us together.
2. Said he stayed overnight but only slept on the couch and nothing happened.
3. Said she was over her ex then proceeded to run a smear campaign on him.
4. Said she just went to help him clean his place but spent the weekend with him then later denied it ever took place.
5. Said he was the only person she ever cheated on me with.
6. Said they never went all the way.
7. Said she loved me.
8. Said she had nothing to hide.
9. Said she'd tell me if she ever cheated on me.
10. Said she was so good at hiding things I'd never find out if she cheated on me.
11. Said she wanted me to have a relationship with my family.
12. Said she wanted me to spend time with my friends.

thats so sad, i feel for you.

How did you come to find out the lies?
What type of BPD was mostly, witch, waif etc

[jonmnemonic]

thats so sad, i feel for you.

How did you come to find out the lies?
What type of BPD was mostly, witch, waif etc

She cycles through the different types of BPD.  Also has strong NPD characteristics.

1. I saw emails of her corresponding with her ex that didn't sound like they were done.  She also wore her engagement ring while we were together and said she just liked wearing it but it didn't mean anything.
2 and 4. I didn't have proof but she kept changing her story which made me believe she was lying.
3. She started the campaign after we got married.
5. One of her close friends told me she was hooking up with other guys.
6. Story kept changing, wasn't in her character to not go all the way.
7. That one is obvious.
8. Was like pulling hens teeth trying to get her to be honest with me about anything.
9. She didn't and I found out by catching her in the act.
10. Mostly true but I did catch her.
11 and 12. She would punish me if I did.

[lucky013]

She cycles through the different types of BPD.  Also has strong NPD characteristics.

1. I saw emails of her corresponding with her ex that didn't sound like they were done.  She also wore her engagement ring while we were together and said she just liked wearing it but it didn't mean anything.
2 and 4. I didn't have proof but she kept changing her story which made me believe she was lying.
3. She started the campaign after we got married.
5. One of her close friends told me she was hooking up with other guys.
6. Story kept changing, wasn't in her character to not go all the way.
7. That one is obvious.
8. Was like pulling hens teeth trying to get her to be honest with me about anything.
9. She didn't and I found out by catching her in the act.
10. Mostly true but I did catch her.
11 and 12. She would punish me if I did.

Had she been to treatment ?

Did she push to be a in a relationship with you or was it the other way round ?

[Huh?]

I pretty much learned I couldn't trust her from the begining.  Our first date actually.

We were having a great night out, she had a big smile on her face while we talked for hours and hours, then like a light switch she turned into a different person... .she seemed miserable.  Everything I said, she was annoyed with and snapped at me. Uncomfortable, I sensed this, and immediately pulled the plug on the date.  Confused, I thought we were through.

Three days later, she messages me asking were Ive been and why I havent I heard from you?  I was confused, told her I thought she had a miserable time and gave her the examples... .she said none of that ever happened and that I was mistaken; she had a great time.

3 years later, she ends our engagement, wants a "break" and has a "friend" she keeps talking a lot about. She's acting really shady, I caught her in a some lies.  I'm not dumb, I know he's more than a friend but she insists... .she denies they were dating.  We are on and off for another 2 1/2 years at a few weeks at a time because I can't let go.

Last year we get back together for the last time.  She starts telling me about the guys she's dated ("just friends that only wanted sex", what?) during our brief breaks, I ask when? She says "The first was 2 1/2 years ago, remember! I told you about him!"

She never did, I inferred it myself.  I knew we were finished once she confirmed her cheating behavior.  

[hopealways]

Based on what I am reading there is a common thread:
LACK OF INTEGRITY
LACK OF MATURITY
LACK OF TRUTH

How to deal with persons who lack these basic signs of humanity? Leave.

[aj4599]

Here are some of mine, along with the super-fun anger that accompanied the responses... .

1) I have not seen my ex! You're insane, how dare you accuse me of that.
2) Oh there's no reason we can't be friends on facebook, I'm just never on there. You care about such stupid stuff!
3) This guy I work with tried to kiss me and I did nothing to provoke him!
4) I never told you I'd see you this weekend. My friend is coming to visit. God why do you always assume you get time with me? You're so selfish.
5) When I told you it was all girls at that party I thought that was true! And I never invited you to join me. You are insane!
6) "My friend." Just in general, I HATE that phrase. She always uses it. "Oh, I was just joking around with my friend." or "Oh, I went and got really drunk with my friend." Then when I ask "which friend?" She responds "You are such an insecure a-hole!" But never tells me, or tells me after a long time. "My friend" has turned into a lie so many times, I can't even count.

[jonmnemonic]

Had she been to treatment ?

Did she push to be a in a relationship with you or was it the other way round ?

She denies having any issues that require therapy and she pushed the relationship along way faster than I was comfortable with but I went along with it for fear of losing the woman she presented herself as.  There were warning signs all along the way that I ignored but she didn't show her real colors until the day after our wedding.

[lucky013]

She denies having any issues that require therapy and she pushed the relationship along way faster than I was comfortable with but I went along with it for fear of losing the woman she presented herself as.  There were warning signs all along the way that I ignored but she didn't show her real colors until the day after our wedding.

Thats interesting, mine supposedly forced herself into care, but doing something dramatic to get the hospitals services attention which could be true. I have had warning signs throughout, but i have always been held back and never given her the words of me wanting and loving her because i don't. She cant have me fully, as i have been in relationships like this before. She says that she thinks i'm better than her, because she cant have me.

[lucky013]

Based on what I am reading there is a common thread:
LACK OF INTEGRITY
LACK OF MATURITY
LACK OF TRUTH

How to deal with persons who lack these basic signs of humanity? Leave.

I have to agree with you on this, seems to be so common, i cant find any exceptions and even if you did have exceptions once you have kids or any commitment seems to change in a instance.

[AustenJ]

Lies of my diagnosed exBPDgf:

1. I only had 2 shots of Fireball.
2. I'm not going to date anyone as I get into treatment and get healthy.
3. I'm going to get into treatment... .again.
4. He's just a friend.
5. Because of our relationship, I only slept on his couch.
6. I moved your ring to the other hand because it was making my finger sore.
7. He ubered home with me after drinking all night with me, but he slept on the couch.
8. I have no idea whose car that is in front of my house... .must be the neighbor's.
9. I'm spending holiday break with my ex because I'm doing an intervention with his alcoholic father.
10. I went on a ski trip with my ex over New Year's, but we slept in separate bedrooms.
11. I'm hiking on the trail... .alone... .look, here's a selfie of me alone on the trail.
12. Thank's for picking me up at 3:30 am... .I was drunk and just watching videos at this strange guy's house.
13. I'm dumping you because I need to work on myself.
14. I'm dumping you because I eventually see myself marrying my ex that I have screwed around on for years... .
15. I'm dumping you because my mother says I should not date anyone as I get back into therapy
16. In ten years, I have had sex with less than 30 men.
17. I see myself married and having 5 children.
18. I'm quitting teaching.
19. I'm going to do pharmaceutical sales.
20. I'm going to stop drinking.
21. I'm going to stop cutting.
22. I'm going to stop purging.
23. I'm going to stop having unsafe, reckless sex.
24. I'm going to marry a nice, Catholic boy.
25. I'm not leaving you for someone else.
26. I am practicing safe sex and taking things slow with your replacement.
27. I am not drinking as much.
28. Being more than friends/coworkers didn't work for us.
29. She misses me as a friend.
30. I moving back to my hometown to be closer to family.

[UnforgivenII]

6. I moved your ring to the other hand because it was making my finger sore.

This one is simply galactic. Chapeau 

[lovenature]

No you're not alone. PWBPD literally make up their own reality to fit their current emotion of the moment and it goes for the past, present, and future: lies are a natural part of feelings=facts.

[Stolen]

1. I do.