HELP BPD Colleague is triggering me and draining me

[AmyAlways]

Thank you so much for writing again. Things have gotten worse. Backstabber (younger male colleague) continues to rise at my expense due to Lady's (BPD) continuous efforts and support. Despite all of my hard work, I'm gradually becoming less relevant to the team. This is the real damage being done to me.

I'm quite certain that I'm being punished because she is fond of me but can't control me. It's the whole I hate you don't leave me scenario. Unlike bosses and Backstabber, I treat her with respect and we get along well. I set boundaries and make sure that I don't give her too much attention. But even if I remove myself from the triangle, I can't escape her. She controls me through work by treating me as she pleases since my training and performance depends heavily on her. If I don't give her what she wants (as you mentioned as well, I'm neither angry nor friendly), she retaliates, and in my case this means favoring the Backstabber over me when it comes to providing answers, training, assigning projects, etc. While my performance suffers, Backstabber is doing extremely well.

I'm taking this week off from work to emotionally recover from these past weeks and to see a therapist to help me deal with anxiety (which I never experienced before in my life). At this point I don't know whether I want to ask to be re-assigned to the department where I was last year and where I did so well, or whether I want to hand in my resignation and start looking for a new job. I don't know what to do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

whether I want to hand in my resignation and start looking for a new job. I don't know what to do.

Can you start looking for a new job... .and put in notice once hired

[caughtnreleased]

I am very sorry to hear your situation.  I can understand how difficult it must be.  Taking a week off from work sounds like a great idea.  I have a few questions: how long have you found yourself in this situation? Is this a new job for you, hence you being dependent on the woman for training?  It sounds like you are giving a lot, but perhaps are not in a position to perform well due to being new and therefore dependent on others? This certainly changes as time goes by in a job.  As I came to better understand my job, the BPD lady had less and less power, and now, she really has little if any.  But when I first started, the challenge did seem insurmountable because I too relied on her work to do mine... .Like I said, she is a problem employee and I was used to be a buffer.   I think taking a week off is a good idea, and perhaps you will be able to take a step back and better understand the dynamics in which you are operating (ie: your supervisor, crazy lady's supervisor, etc.). Normally an organization should have certain things in place, and crazy people have way of building up a reputation for themselves.  The woman with whom I work has been in the company 12 years, hasn't had a job promotion in 10 (despite the fact that she repeatedly made it clear that she HATES where she is), and she has maybe 2 friends (there are 1200 people in my company).  That to me says a lot!

[AmyAlways]

I tried to do exactly as you said to become more independent, but she wouldn't let me have access to the information I needed to know to perform well; she would become annoyed when I asked her questions! I had to explain to her why it was important for me (or anyone) to ask her questions... .It was her way of controlling me. On top of that, my daily training came along with devaluation, sarcasm, gaslighting and plain nonsense. I've gone through the "I never said that" routine many times. And then, she would re-engage and played nice with me. A complete emotional roller coaster. I continued to fight, but despite my efforts to succeed at this position, her behavior has clearly prevented me from learning the way I should have. It's been a three-month battle.

And, silly me, when I thought that we were making progress, there comes our newly hired younger colleague, steps over my work, steals my projects and ideas, and gets a proper training from her. She has enabled this. I cannot imagine what must be going on at work this week that I'm off. I wonder if my stuff will still be there when I return in a week. Even if they transfer me to another department, it would be wise to start looking for another job. I've already filled out a few applications.

Thanks for being there.